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You Asked: How Can We Compromise?

Dear Sugar,

I've been living with my boyfriend for the past year in a very nice apartment with all the amenities a young couple would want — washer and dryer in the unit, a 24 hour gym in the building, a mile long grass area to walk our dogs, etc. Now that the lease is up, we are leaving because the rent went up to the point of ridiculousness. As we move into a posh apartment complex, we are faced with some challenges we didn't have before that are creating some stress in our relationship.

We love the new potential complex, but we can't agree on a floor plan. He wants the smaller expensive one, but I want the bigger, cheaper one. He wants the garage spot, TVs mounted on the wall, and the smaller intimate bedroom. I want the bigger bedroom, walk-in closet, a place for a decent full length mirror, and less rent because I just got a new puppy. I find this to be a stupid fight yet I don't want to give in and be unhappy with what I have to work with. Help! — Don't Want to Compromise Corinne

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Don't Want to Compromise Corinne,

While I don't think you should compromise when it comes to your home either, I do feel that in order to make two people happy, you're both going to have to compromise to some degree. So this "stupid fight" doesn't negatively affect your relationship, I suggest you both put together a pro and con list. Write out what's important to you, in order, and after you read each other's requirements, consolidate your needs to create a list that works for you as a couple. If you have aversions to each other's requests, simply talk it out — find out why that specific desire is important to him, and make your plea for whatever it is you want out of the apartment — and do your best to find a middle ground.

In a perfect world, you'd agree on everything, but that's simply not reality so try to keep everything relative. Relationships require give and take, as does cohabitation, so be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Good luck to you!


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