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You Asked: How Do I Approach My Crush?

Dear Sugar,

I'm really into this guy who's in my master's program. He's good looking and seems to be into me. We run into each other all the time on campus, and I always catch him looking at me. Though we haven't actually had a small seminar together yet, I am pretty sure he's in the same program. The only problem is we have never actually spoken! I am really shy and have close to no experience pursuing men. Could you give me some tips on how to approach him in a subtle way? I want to make contact without coming off as a crazy stalker.

— Crushing Like Crazy Catherine

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Crushing Like Crazy Catherine,

You may be shy, but it takes some guts to decide to make a move on someone! If this is your first experience being the pursuer, then I think subtle is better both for him and you. But being more subtle is going to take patience and time. First of all, make sure he knows that you've noticed him. Next time you catch him looking at you, hold his gaze for a moment and offer a quick smile. Once you've done this a few times, there will be enough recognition between the two of you that when you see him around campus, you can comfortably give a wave or exchange a "hello."

After you've seen each other enough with a more legitimate acknowledgment, a quick conversation will only be natural. It doesn't have to be serious or even that informative to let him know that you're interested in talking. Once you guys have had your first conversation, more are sure to follow so go ahead and start revealing a little bit about yourself and learning more about him. Before long, you might find it not so scary to go ahead and ask him out; then again, he might beat you to the punch!


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I say that you might as well just go ahead and say Hi and ask him out. You're a big girl now and there is no need to play games. I think it would be completely fine to just go ahead and talk to him.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 9 years
I can be pretty shy too, so I know how you feel! As suggested before, simple things like a smile or a question about a class followed by an introduction can really help you get acquainted with him. Then you can see where things go from there!
arrhythmia arrhythmia 9 years
Pop, that was great advice, it certainly made me smile :) However, I'm similarily stuck in this situation but my crush doesn't seem to notice me! Lucky you! :D
skigurl skigurl 9 years
i am the exact same way, where i'll be interested in a guy from afar but i'm way too nervous to actually strike up a random conversation i agree, eye contact that lingers just a little too long, and a shy smile is probably good...and one day you'll get that perfect in, where you end up standing in line together or sitting beside each other in a class it will happen, so don't rush it or you may ruin it!
lovelie lovelie 9 years
I love your advice popgoestheworld!! It is refreshing to hear something so raw...not all of this prim and proper smile...sometimes you just have to go for the kill!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Just for the record, I was teasing about having actually employed that technique. I did read about it in Cosmo though, many years ago . :)
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 9 years
i wanted to give advice and say that 'im so brazen i usually end up making some kinda joke like 'we need to stop meeting like this' when you run into him on campus but then i remembered "subway guy" who i had the biggest crush on like three years ago and the only contact i ever had with him was waiting to get subway to go home. until one day i was bored and found his myspace and then sent him a message. of course this was AFTER the semester was over, and he was like 'oh you should have came up to say hi we could have hung out..but now i have a girlfriend'. the one and only time i have never just gone up and started a conversation *sigh* but back to situation at just need to wait until he looks like he's studying and go up to him and ask what it is and then you have an in because if its a class you had, or need to take... etc then its an instant convo starter
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 9 years
I think you should make eye contact, but instead of glancing at his crotch, belch really loudly and then scratch yourself. It helps if you haven't shaved your armpits in at least a week and are wearing a sleeveless top.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
HA, pop that should do it! You know how they say guys are easily confused there is no confusion there!
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
Hahaha, popgoestheworld, that is amazing advice, lol. I can see how that would work. :)
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I once read in Cosmo that if you want a guy to notice you, you should make eye contact with him, then slowly move your gaze down to his crotch, linger there for a moment, and then make eye contact again. That is how I have met all my boyfriends. I swear by it.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
Uh, why don't you try talking to him?
murdock99tx murdock99tx 9 years
All you have to do is smile at him.
mlen mlen 9 years
i agree with the suggestions above- start out just by smiling at him next time you see him. after you see him a few times and you smile- provided he's smiling back at you- then just give a casual hi next time you pass! you don't have to stop and talk- just smile and say hi and walk by! then step it up to a hi and a how are you. there is no harm in taking it slow but eventually you'll have to talk to him- so i agree with berlin, ask him about a class or a professor, if he recommends someone or how far along he is in the program. once you get comfy with small talk, if you guys really are into each other, it will evolve naturally!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree with Berlin. Also, depending on your personality, you can try a more subtle approach, which happens to align with my personality. The next time you see him looking at you, give him a smile. Make it a close-mouthed smile, as you two don't know each other. Since you seem to like him, it would be easy for you to smile sincerely at him. Let some warmth come through your smile and eyes. Do it a few times, and he may muster the courage to approach you. In effect, you're giving him the green light. Good luck. Have fun. :)
Berlin Berlin 9 years
Girl are you kidding me? Girls would kill to have your "in" in this crush are lucky:) You have the same masters program. so that's your in! Ask him about a professor or about a test, or something really unique that has to do with your degree or class. And that way it's can judge from that whether or not to pursue him or if he's just not that into you lol. You may in that very small conversation realize it's just a lust crush and nothing you'd want anyways. But ask him something like that, judge it from his response. Then on another time make a cute reference to how you two always see each other, or wave when you see him (playing a bit hard to get, but really it's more like you're showing your presence without being stalkeresque and he won't be able to get you out of his mind if he's feeling the same way). Then you can say one time (don't drag this all out too long now!) about how you are heading to 'insert coffee or lunch place here' if he wanted to join...make it casual and then you really have your first date! And there you have it...simple and you can back out at any step:) Good luck and let us know how it goes!!
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