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You Asked: How Do I Get Him to Take Care of Himself?

DearSugar --

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We're best friends and we will probably get married. The problem is that he's about 100 pounds overweight; don't get me wrong, I love him a lot just as he is--I wouldn't be involved with him if he weren's smart and funny and wonderful--but his weight is troubling to me and him.

He complains about being fat constantly but he has no motivation to get rid of the weight. It effects our love life and the activities we do. I used to be extremely athletic when we met and now I'm 20 pounds overweight because I've adapted his lifestyle of eating ice cream at 3 a.m. and sitting around for a whole weekend...every weekend. He has an excuse for
everything in his life, so having an excuse not to exercise is no different.

The biggest problem is that he says his doctors say he's "fine" despite being 280 pounds because he's young. Add that to the fact that he can't be duped into eating smaller portions or enjoying regular exercises. The little tricks that people use on themselves to make them forget that they're dieting or exercising don't really work on him.

All of this has turned into arguments with me saying things that I regret 5 minutes later.
What can I do to make sure that he is comfortable with working to make himself healthy?
-- Worried Wanda

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Hello Everyone: I asked FitSugar if she would guest-answer our reader's question, as I felt she would be most qualified to help. The following advice comes from Fit and is very appreciated.

Dear Worried Wanda --

From my personal experience, pushing a partner, boyfriend, or husband about issues involving weight is not very beneficial. Like most change, folks need to decide for themselves that they want to get fit and to lose weight. It seems like people need a conversion moment, something that makes it really clear that changes in habits and lifestyle need to be made. It could be a cholesterol test, surviving a car accident, or reading You on a Diet. It is clear to me that the person needs to come to the decision to make changes on their own.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t start on your own life style change path. Maybe seeing you change will encourage, said boyfriend, husband, partner to change too.

Another idea is to start doing more physical activities together, like: daily walks, hikes or snow shoeing on the weekends, yoga (take a class or do a DVD), take salsa lessons. Basically just figure out other ways to hang out together that don’t involve watching TV or eating. Be creative and have fun.

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