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You Asked: How Do I Make Amends?

Dear Sugar,

My family is in the process of moving, and while packing up some books, I noticed a number from an old friend from college. We stopped being friends over something stupid — I was young, and felt like I didn't need a friend — but that was two years ago. I was dropping both bad friends and good friends left and right; it wasn't a healthy time for me and shortly thereafter, I slipped into a depression and finally realized how important it is to keep people in your life.

I've already reconnected with a high-school friend, however she's not someone I would call a best friend. My friend from college was someone who I could go out with and had real fun around, which is something I want to do again. I'm not a partier by any means, but I love the idea of getting dressed up with girlfriends for a cocktail. I really do want to reach out to her and see if she's open to a friendship again, but I'm terrified that she'll want nothing to do with me after the way I treated her. What should I do? How can I deal with it if she rejects me?

— Time For Friends Again Angela,

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Time For Friends Again Angela,

Your worries are normal. Even if you hadn't ended things on a bad note, it can be scary to reach out to someone you haven't spoken with in years. In your case, some apologies are definitely in order. When you talk to her, make sure to express your regret at your behavior. If she feels your sincerity, she'll be more likely to give you another chance. But even if she's receptive to your desire to be friends again, it won't be so easy to simply pick up where you left off. Your friendship was damaged when you cut her out of your life, and you'll both have to work on rebuilding it — she'll need to believe she can trust you again.

If she decides that she's not willing to try to rebuild things then consider this an opportunity to branch out and meet new people; it's never too late to start anew. And I'm sure there are other women out there you can have fun with, especially now that you've realized the importance of having and being a good friend.


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I'm in the same boat. My best friend in middle and high school ended up bein gmy roommate and dating my other roommate. THey were really horrible together and he was cheating on her and she knew it and wouldn't do anything about it. Anyway.. I couldn't see him do that to her so I kicked them both out. Her parents knew that it was something like this and were mad at her for getting kicked out and moving back home. My ex-roommates have since broken up and she's happy with someone else. I want to reach out to her but I don't know if I'm in a good place for that right now but in the future I will reach out to her. Make sure you're in a place in your life that you can deal with the issues that will arise. Don't let your friend get you down thinking about the past and what you went through.
Percy Percy 9 years
I agree with everyone above. I have JUST been through the exact same situation: I was going through a difficult time a couple of years ago and in hindsight, I put some blame on my friends because I felt (at that time) that they weren't 'doing their bit' as my friend to 'help me' out during a time when I needed people the most. I made the decision at the time that I wasn't going to deal with them anymore because I needed to move on. Now that I have moved on and have dealt with my issues, I've decided to send them an email because I felt that I have nothing to loose and like GlowingMoon said, "Better to regret something that I've than something that I haven't done." So a couple of tentative emails, then some long, open hearted conversations later, we've pick up our friendships again moved on. Go send that email! Even if for your peace of mind.
looseseal looseseal 9 years
Sometimes people just lose touch. I don't think badly of the friends I lost touch with. If they approached me again I'd be glad to reconnect. There are old friends that I wish I could find but I just lost touch to the point that I don't have their contact info anymore. If I somehow come across their facebook or something like that I'd definitely at least send them a message. Give it a shot, there's no harm in that. The worst that can happen is you don't end up befriending them again, that's no worse than sitting here wondering and never trying.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
All you can do is try the worst thing that could happen is she will not be ready to pick up the friendship where you left off so to speak. She may need more time and if she does than you need to respect her decision and give her the space she needs to do that!
heidi-girl heidi-girl 9 years
well. no one knows her better than you. but in my opinion, i think you should take that chance and go for it, because if you don't you miss that chance of her WILLING to make amends.
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
I've been through almost the exact same thing, so I'll say, Reach out to her. If she doesn't want to reconnect, then it's not as if anything's really changed. If she does, you've found a new old friend :)
Alyssa9986 Alyssa9986 9 years
Reading this made my heart jump into my throat...I am currently a senior in college and I think I'm in the midst of the same depression the author of that letter made reference to. I made some very hasty decisions involving friends I had just made at school as well as with my ex-boyfriend (was my boyfriend at the time) when I was a freshman. All I can say is that some refuse to speak to me even 3 years later, but one really wants to be my friend again...look, we're human and we make mistakes. Reach out to people you might have had issues with because life is short. And, really, I'm sure they're not so perfect either. Don't know if any of this helps, but just as long as you take the time to acknowledge the fact that you hurt her will show her that you are capable of caring about another person.
g1amourpuss g1amourpuss 9 years
:) that just helps me feel better because there are like 3 people I would love to fix things with, but then I really think about it and I'm like no way. They won't change and I'm not going to change for them. The same stuff will all happen again. So when I get that soft feeling and think hmmm maybe I should - I stop and think about how hurtful people can be and I decide not to be friends with them ever again. And all three of them, on different occasions/instances we've all made up over and over until the friendship got burned out again. So when I discuss it with my best friend she just shrugs and tells me it isn't meant to be. There's even one girl on here I would like to be friends with but I don't think it's meant to be, so I'm like I'll be nice or whatever but I just don't see it happening.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
"If she doesn't want to be friends again remember that some people aren't always meant to be in your life." I agree.
g1amourpuss g1amourpuss 9 years
Then you'll just have to deal with that if that is the case. She will probably worry that you will do that again to her. If she doesn't want to be friends again remember that some people aren't always meant to be in your life. My best friend tells me that some people just aren't meant to be friends. That reassures me when I stop to think about failed friendships I've had in the past.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
Reach out to her. You have nothing to lose. So what if she rejects you? That's a choice she may make, but at least, you did what you wanted to do -- offer your friendship. You won't live with "what ifs." That type of peace of mind is priceless, in my opinion. Personally, I subscribe to the adage "It's better to regret the things you did, than the things you didn't do." JMHO.
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