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You Asked: How Long Should I Wait Before Contacting Him?

Dear Sugar,

I met a guy in my office building a few weeks ago and after a little flirting, we decided to exchange numbers. We texted frequently and talked on the phone twice, but he didn't seem eager to meet up in person. I decided to move on and forget about him but the other day, out of the blue, he called me and ask me out for that evening. I went and we had a great time; it was a perfect first date. We've exchanged a few texts since then, (the date was Tuesday) so how long do I have to wait until I can contact him again? Or rather, should I wait until he asks me out on a second date? — What Are the Rules Rachel

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear What Are the Rules Rachel,

Though I'm sure you've heard about the "rules of dating," they are different for everyone. Some women are comfortable being forward with men while others are more traditional in their dating practices. Since you've been in contact since the date, and since it went well, I'll bet it's just a matter of time before he asks you out again. If you're getting impatient, you can always take matters into your own hands and ask him out, but if you're not comfortable doing that, you're just going to have to wait it out. I know that's a frustrating answer, but only you really know how to proceed so follow your instincts and do whatever feels right in this specific situation. Good luck!


Join The Conversation
rellicDragon rellicDragon 8 years
I was the first person to post in this thread ... and I was going through the exact same situation ... Just an update ... He txted me friday and we ended up seeing eachother saturday night ... and flirting via texts all of sunday :) So its goin good and strong
gabi29 gabi29 8 years
I wouldn't bother with contacting him. If it took that long to meet up in person, this guy is probably seeing multiple girls and you just aren't that high up in his dating hierarchy.
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
well - i think that if you're that concerned about the rules - then you probably shouldn't have gone on a date the same night with the guy - but with that being said - there's really no reason why you shouldn't just call him and see what's up. i think that sometimes we put too much importance on 'days' and not being too eager or whatever - but life is short and everyone's relationship is different so what works for them isn't necessarily what works for you. i hope that by now you've talked to him and things are going well.
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
I have asked guys out before. But in all of my long term relationships the man always made the first move and pursued me. If a man is too stupid to read my signals (which I am fairly obvious with if I like a guy), or too insecure to make the first move, then he is not the right guy for me. I do find that most men prefer to do a bit of chasing at first. I like men that have the confidence to ask me out. If he doesn't even have the courage to do that, then he is not strong enough to be with a strong woman like me. Also, I want to be in a relationship with a man who is willing to bend over backwards to be with me at first. Who likes me enough to not risk not getting to know me. First of all, I rarely give out my number. Second of all, if I do and he doesn't phone within about 4 days, I know that either a). he is seeing someone else and/or b). he is not that into me. Either way, NOT interested. If he phones after that, maybe we could be friends, but that is about it. I am not willing to wait around for some guy to phone. If you truly like me, then get on the bag. If not, fuck off and don't waste my time. In any case, I am engaged to an awesome guy now. And I met him at a bar. And I called him on the fact that he was playing the phone # game, (which he was) and the fact that I do not give out my number to men. He promised he really liked me and would phone, and he had to convince me to give him my number. That night he threw out all of the other girls numbers. And then he phoned me 2 days later and asked for a date. The rest is history. I am just saying, if it is meant to be and he truly likes you, he will be on it. He will not play games, or mess around. He will know what he wants and go after it.
frieddumpling frieddumpling 8 years
Personally, I would wait. If he made the first move the first time, he'll ask you out again because since you guys already went on a first date already (and it went perfectly according to you), it's beyond the "shy" phase. If he's interested, he'll call again. So be patient~! And yes, I do believe that if guys do like a challenge and also if he's actually seriously interested, he'll act on it.
Myst Myst 8 years
lol, I directed my mom to this post and she called me up, laughing her a**up. She made the moves first on my dad. She saw him on base a couple of times and after asking around about him, on her 19th birthday, while having a birthday party she basically went up to him and said "It's my birthday, and I want you as a present". Almost 30 years later, they're still together. I'm completely my mother's child and I grew up in Japan, where it's pretty common for girls to approach the guys that they like. I've learned over the years that some guys are either to damn shy to approach girls or get confused by mix signals and just say to hell with it. So the whole waiting around for guys make the moves it pretty foreign to me. If you want to proceed to the next step. Let the man know and if he's p***yfooting around it, than you know he wasn't worth your time to begin with.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Oops! *Marci's friend's mom's philosophy!
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Yes, I have asked guys out and it didn't work out for me. I did it twice. I believe in Marci's mom's philosophy - "if he likes you he will move mountains" - it's for real and I've seen it a couple of times now.
ccpdm ccpdm 8 years
Men want and need a challenge. Maybe he's waiting to see if you're worth pursuing. If you call him, then it's too easy. At least at the beginning of a relationship.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
I have, Myst. It's fun. My comment wasn't so much directed at the first approach, but about how a guy acts after the first date.
momma-tikita momma-tikita 8 years
Not me Myst. my first comment says it ;)
bastille_75 bastille_75 8 years
Myst, personally - I have never asked a guy out. However, recently I've developed a crush on an acquaintance and have been very seriously considering asking him out. But, I was raised a rule girl and quite honestly - I'm sick of the rules! And, most guy friends have all unamoniosly agreed that they are all very impressed by women who have the courage to ask them out. All the rules have gotten me is the exact same place "What are the Rules Rachel" is in... So, if you can offer some advice on how to successfully break the rules please let me know!! It would be greatly appreciated!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
I'd just tell him I had a ton of fun. When can we do it again. That lets him take some of the responsibility but he knows you're interested.
Myst Myst 8 years
Myst Myst 8 years
I'm just going to guestimate here, none you guys ever asked a guy out first?
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
I agree with Marci. My bf was like that too. He set up a first date very soon, but even before we got to that first date he called me to see if we could do it a day earlier. He just couldn't wait, LOL. And it's been the same since. I also agree with Janine that to me it sounds like he was dating someone else and maybe that just didn't work out so he is calling you now. So even though sometimes I think it is fine for a girl to be forward, it doesn't always scare the boys away or make them not like you b/c they don't get to chase you in my opinion. I don't think you should take the forward route in this case. Wait for him and see just how interested he is.
Marci Marci 8 years
I agree with skigrl and Jude C. All the years I was single, I always would make excuses for guys behavior, blah blah blah. Then one day, a friends mother said 'If a man is interested in a woman, he'll move mountains to be with her.' Something in that little sentence hit a nerve with me and I never chased a guy again. And when I met my fiance, he called the very next day after our first date, and almost every day after that, and he definited moved a few mountains along the way to spent time with me; sometimes just for a half hour over a cup of coffee.
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
If a man truly likes you, he will call you soon, because he doesn't want to risk the chance of you meeting someone else. If he likes you, he will call. As someone else here said, if he is interested in a long term relationship with you, he will not wait weeks to ask you out or not talk to you for awhile and then call you up out of the blue. I am surprised that you even went out on a date with him after he waited weeks to ask you. I would suspect that he was seeing someone else and it didn't work out. Or else he likes you, but not enough to ask you out right away. No matter what other excuses there are (busy with work, etc..) if a man really likes you, then he will make it a priority to ask you out. The fact that you said he didn't seem eager to meet up in person makes me suspect he is involved with someone else. I know you don't want to hear this, but just be cautious. And whatever you do, don't phone him. If you go out with him again, don't jump into anything too quickly.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I wont bother to b.s. you, op. Don't bother with him.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
Back when I dated, I never waited for anyone to call longer than one day before forgetting who they were anyway. Lots of fish in the sea.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Also, it's not a game, in the USA men are brought up to pursue you and they will do so if they want to. (I have too much experience dating men from other countries and have had to completely alter how I date!)
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Wait until he asks you out on the second date. It hurts no-one to simply see how interested he is.
Myst Myst 8 years
Give him a call. Women shouldn't always have to wait for a man, if they want something. You never know, he could be waiting for you give him a call.
zabrow zabrow 8 years
don't call him. if he's interested, he'll call you.
verr0nica verr0nica 8 years
sorry, i meant mind.
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