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You Asked: I Can't Get Turned On

You Asked: I Can't Get Turned On

Dear Sugar,

I can't get aroused anymore. Everything was fine up until a few weeks ago, but then I just suddenly stopped being able to be turned on, either alone or with my partner. I think I'm into it, but then my body doesn’t respond physically. I know it's probably just me being paranoid, but I'm worried that there's something medically wrong with me. I wasn't sure whether this new change might be linked to my period or not. I have had about four periods a year for the last three years. Is there any advice you can offer on getting my sex drive going again? What’s wrong with me?

— Turned Off in Tulsa

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Turned Off in Tulsa,

There are so many reasons for both a woman’s libido to change as well as her arousal ability to be affected. While it is not uncommon for periods to break from their typical cycle, you should see a gynecologist just to make sure everything is okay; however, it sounds like this problem didn’t start with your irregular period. Is it possible that something significant happened a few weeks ago that you’re not remembering? It could be something as small as a cold or as life-altering as a new job. Subconsciously you might be feeling uncomfortable or distanced from the entire act, which is making your body act this way.

It’s incredibly normal for woman to have periods of time where they’re just not as into sex as usual. Try to focus on anything emotional that could be on your mind and talk about it with someone. Keeping your emotions bottled up will only make it worse. Another thing that might help is when and if you have sex, remember to use lube; it’ll make it a much more pleasant experience even if it can’t be a pleasurable one. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Sounds like it could be stress related to me. I know I've had periods that are the same way where I can't seem to get aroused.
julieulie julieulie 9 years
I have no advice on the sex drive, but I would definitely see a gynecologist about the lack of periods. I had the same thing where I would get my period maybe 3 times a year at most, so they tested me for PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), but my testosterone levels were not elevated, so they ruled it out. Turns out I don't have PCOS, but I do have a whole bunch of ovarian cysts from some other reason -- we discovered this when one burst and I wound up in the ER and had a 3 day stay in the hospital in intense pain. Now I'm on birth control to help prevent the formation of new cysts. I would definitely recommend getting it checked out, because trust me -- you do not want to go through the pain of bursting cysts!
Oxymoron1 Oxymoron1 9 years
Maybe you are too thin and because of that you havent got enough fat in order to produce testosterone. If you don´t produce enough testosterone you haven´t got your period and your sex drive vanishes. Some years ago I was really skinny and i hadn´t period for 18 months and I realised that then I hadn´t sex drive.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 9 years
I'm not sure of the persons age that wrote this, but maybe it's the onset of early menopause! I don't think that periods are regular when it starts to come around and the sex drive is one of the first to go. Man I hope that never happens to me! :innocent: I hope you get the help you need!
Eternity Eternity 9 years
hmm sounds like stress or a bit of a hormonal shift. its hard to say without knowing exactly what you mean by turned on, but if you mean getting wet, that is typically a hormonal thing (but could also be a side effect of some disorders). Did you just hit a different age span?
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
Hmm... sounds like another case of coming to us before going to the doctor when it's more of a physical thing than a mental thing. Go to your gyno ASAP and see what they can tell you first.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
If you think there is any chance it's a medical issue, just schedule an appointment with a doctor! They'll either be able to treat it, or allay your fears that it's a medical ailment and then you can just ride it out.
ccsugar ccsugar 9 years
The four periods a year could be polycystic ovarian syndrome... I have it and before getting treated for it I did not have a period for about a year and a half.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
Huh, that's weird...I mean, I've heard of just not WANTING to have sex, but wanting to and then not having your body revving up? that's definitely something you would want your gyno to clear up with you. This might be a long shot, but 4 periods for a couple of years...then wouldn't be some type of early menopause, would it? Feel free to laugh if I'm wrong. :P LOL!
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