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You Asked: I Can't Trust Him

You Asked: I Can't Trust Him

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about six years now, five of which have been spent living together. For the past year, we have been staying in different cities due to work, although we'll be getting married in a couple of months. He really loves me, and we have never had any problems regarding another woman previously; however, when I went to visit him recently, I found out he was lying to me about a girl. I found two ticket stubs for two movies that he said he'd gone to by himself. When I pressed he confessed that he'd taken a girl from his office. He lied because he didn't want to hurt me or have me overreact, since they're just friends.

As it turns out she no longer works with him. But I asked him to introduce me to her, since they were friends. He wouldn't so I asked him to cut ties with her because it was causing me anxiety. Now he says he's not in touch with her anymore, and still loves me very much. However, since I'm in a different city, I can't be sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but concerns like this coming up right before our wedding really worry me. What do I do? Should I be worried?

— Mistrustful Melissa

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Dear Mistrustful Melissa,

There's nothing wrong with your fiancé befriending someone at the office, and many people enjoy friendships with the opposite sex even when they're in a healthy relationship. The problem is that he lied to you about it, and now you're unable to trust the man that you're about to commit to for a lifetime. If he was so concerned about hurting you, he should have asked you whether you were OK with him going out with another woman.

But now that the damage is done, you guys have to learn to move past it if you want your relationship to work. That means that you need to decide whether or not you can let go of this incident. Otherwise, worries about trust are sure to plague you into married life. Talk to your fiancé. He can't change what he did, but he can make sure to be more open with you in the future. So take some time and determine if his reassurance is enough for you to forgive him, and if it is, then let it go. Either way, start communicating before the wedding, and not after.


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