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You Asked: I Don't Think I'm Pleasing My Boyfriend in Bed

You Asked: I Don't Think I'm Pleasing My Boyfriend in Bed

Dear Sugar,

I'm troubled by my sexual relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much and he tells me he loves me too. Everything in our relationship is great except there are times when he doesn't ejaculate during sex.

It worries me that I'm not pleasing him or not turning him on enough. What can I do? Is this normal? I've never had this problem in the past with other lovers. I've tried just about everything, what more can I do? Is it me?

—Frustrated in Bed Bonnie

To hear Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Frustrated in Bed Bonnie,

Most people think that guys are easy to arouse and that they want sex all the time. If you just breathe on them, they can ejaculate instantly, right? Well you're wrong!! Arousal depends on the person so you've got to figure out what makes your man tick.

You say that he doesn't ejaculate all the time, so that must mean that he has no problem finishing at other times. Figure out what events lead up to his climax. Was it something you did, or said, or wore? Ask him what he likes most so you can help him to reach orgasm. Maybe he needs different kinds of stimulation than what you're used to with your past lovers. Make figuring this out fun instead of frustrating.

I wonder if he is stressed about work or if something is bothering him. Being preoccupied will affect your sex life, so try to figure out what's on his mind. You are both in love, and it sounds like you care about this relationship deeply. As long as you are open and honest with your communication, I have faith that you two can work this out.

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ambz323 ambz323 9 years
i've had the same problem with my bf for awhile and i cannot even explain it.it's hugely insulting and i completely understand how you feel.for me, it's gotten to the point where it doesn't affect me anymore.and if he will talk to you about it that's good, just ask.good luck!
showinlove showinlove 9 years
Maybe you shouldnt be so hard on yourself, and i wouldnt pressure him too much about it. Chances are hes pretty embarrased hes doesnt always finish. He most likey feels less man-ly. try sushi...heard it makes for good sex.
klandrach klandrach 9 years
Lots of fore-play! I think that is key to making everyone happy. Build up that tension and see where things go. It is also really fun trying to things, positions and most of all enjoying yourself.
cretinhop cretinhop 9 years
When I first started dating my current boyfriend, I'd just fool around with him and gauge his reactions. It worked really well. Try it!
bfly1133 bfly1133 9 years
I'm with Pop! This is definitely a question only your BF can answer.
tokenguy tokenguy 9 years
Is he on any medication? Some medications, particularly antidepressants, often make it difficult for a guy (and girls I think as well) to orgasm.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Just ask him!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Just ask him!
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 9 years
Yea I agree with the two of them. My man loves to get teased it makes him more horny and me too....so try teasing.
laura6567 laura6567 9 years
I posted Savage Love advice earlier today, and I'm going to do it again: http://thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14968Maybe your bf has been using the death grip too long. You know, sometimes guys just can't come. If he says it's not you, it's probably not. I mean, do you come every time? Sex should be about having fun and enjoying each other's bodies, not about making him orgasm. Take the pressure off about his orgasming, and it'll probably happen easier.
laura6567 laura6567 9 years
I posted Savage Love advice earlier today, and I'm going to do it again: http://thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14968 Maybe your bf has been using the death grip too long. You know, sometimes guys just can't come. If he says it's not you, it's probably not. I mean, do you come every time? Sex should be about having fun and enjoying each other's bodies, not about making him orgasm. Take the pressure off about his orgasming, and it'll probably happen easier.
MamaD MamaD 9 years
Yeah, I don't think there's enough build up here. i agree with veronicaraye....try oral, etc. I'll bet he "comes" around.
veronicaraye veronicaraye 9 years
try oral? sex toys..striptease. Anything to tease him before actual sex.
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