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You Asked: I Feel Guilty For Moving On

Dear Sugar,

I recently got out of an eight-year relationship with someone who was my best friend. At the end he cheated on me numerous times and we both felt that we needed a break before either of us could work on our relationship. When we were separating, I instated a policy that neither of us would date other people for the first six months, but he wanted to be more "free."

After the split I went to therapy as I was heartbroken by his actions. During this time, I met a really great guy who I've since fallen in love with. The problem is that my ex has confessed that he still loves me. He told me that this break has given him time to grow. He's owned up to how badly he treated me and he wants a second chance. I know I don't want to get back together with him; however, I feel incredibly guilty that I have moved on while he has not. What should I do? How should I tell him that it's over, forever? — Starting a New Life Laurie

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Starting a New Life Laurie,

I understand that you feel badly because you broke the policy you instated, but you can't put your life on hold because your ex — who cheated on you — feels ready to make amends. Since he was the one who wanted to be more "free," how were you supposed to know that he wouldn't meet someone before you?

If you truly feel that your relationship with your ex has run its course, you should be honest with him so that he can close this chapter in his life and move on. Your guilt will subside, but in the meantime, enjoy the new man in your life — the beginning is the best part!


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