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You Asked: I Keep Turning My Friends Into Enemies!

Dear Sugar,

Lately I've been feeling like I'm turning my friends into my enemies whenever they do something bad to me. I guess you can say that I don't know how to forgive and forget. I used to treasure my friendships so much until one incident in high school where my best friend ditched me for another friend. I know it sounds very elementary school, but it still hurts.

I've since let go of the "friends forever" belief and end up completely shutting people out of my life whenever I feel double crossed. Now my friendships are few and far between and I'm upset because I no longer have that special bond with someone. I really don't want this mentality to follow me through adulthood but how can I change the way I view my current friendships? — Overly Sensitive Sandra

To see DearSugar's answer


Having a friendship go sour can be just as devastating as breaking up with a lover. The feelings of loss and betrayal are very similar so I completely understand your position, but just because one friend chose someone to call her BFF instead of you, it doesn't mean that all of your friendships will have the same outcome.

Turning your friends into enemies is a clear defense mechanism, but building walls and hurting someone else before they hurt you won't solve anything. People make mistakes, and your friends will probably hurt your feelings many times along the way, but that's what makes them human! I can almost guarantee that you're not perfect either so if you keep the lines of communication open with your friends, chances are you can work through whatever misunderstandings come your way.

I'm someone that cherishes my friendships like family, but I can tell you firsthand that all friendships have their highs and lows. Sure, it can hurt when you feel left out or feel second best, but remember, good friends will be there for you no matter what. Talk out your fears and try to give people the benefit of the doubt. It might take some time to build up your trust levels, but once you do, you'll be happy you did.


almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
I've done the same thing in high school and it does hurt like hell. It hurts more to see them moved on from the situation and hanging out with their friends. They left me not caring about how I felt about the situation. I'm sure your friends may feel differently. If you notice them one day chatting, approach them like nothing ever happened. If they look at you weirdly instead of welcoming you, then be happy you dumped the b-yotches. Real are hard to find, but when you find them try to keep holding on.
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