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You Asked: I Love Him, Now What?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old and have been in our relationship for six months. We are both shy. I love him and I want to tell him, but I'm not sure he feels the same way. I don't want to scare him off and I don't want to force him into saying it only because I said it first. I thought he was going to say it the other night because he said he had something to tell me; however, he was partying at the time and he left the conversation saying we would talk when he was in a better state. We did see each other after that evening, but he has not mentioned anything to me.

Now I don't know what to think. I'm afraid to bring up the conversation because I'm not sure if he remembered what he was going to say. I love him and I want him to know. Any advice?

— In Love Leah

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear In Love Leah,

If your instincts are telling you that your boyfriend wants to say that he loves you, you're probably right. He might be waiting for the right moment, but that's neither here nor there. If you love him, and want him to know it, then tell him! Saying I love you for the first time is always scary because you can never be 100 percent sure of the other person's reaction — your boyfriend is probably dealing with the same issues right now. But as long as you feel confident with what you feel, then there's nothing to be worried about regardless of his response.

As far as him saying it without meaning it or feeling rushed, go ahead and let him know that you're not expecting anything in return, and that you simply want him to know how you feel. It's more than likely he shares your sentiments, but if you take off the pressure, he'll know that he can wait until he's truly ready to say it before jumping the gun. This is a great opportunity to set the tone for the communication you want to have throughout your relationship. Be open, understanding, and honest and the rest will fall into place.


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
It's been 6 months and both of you seem to be ready to say it so just do it. There is no reason to wait if you feel it. Don't pressure him to say it back if he's not ready but definitely say it to him.
Fixe Fixe 8 years
I haven't fallen in love yet, but if i were in that situation, and i would wait for him to say it first.... "love" is a very powerful word. People now and days use it like "i love candy", like it's no big deal. Saying "i love you" to someone for the first time should be meaningful and in the right moment....and something to look back on and cherish. it's a moment you should never forget. Once you say I love you to someone you can't take it back...
laluna27 laluna27 8 years
Oh come should be able to ask him what he wanted to tell you the other night at the party. If he says it then, great! If not, wait a bit more and then say it when it feels like you can't hold it in your mouth anymore.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 8 years
Make him say it first. Its more fun this way. They get all awkward and squirmy. Its hilarious. Its worth the wait. Trust me you'll cherish the memory forever! ;) DO NOT SAY IT! You'll never be able to make him say it first ever again.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
I was with my Ex for a year before he told me he loved me. we were both in high school. I wasn't shy but he was, and I didn't want to push things that would make him uncomfortable. On New Year's Day (the day it became one year he whispered it in my ear at midnight) He waited a year to be comfortable enough to say it, but I never pushed him because I knew thats how he felt and I knew it was because he didn't know how to go about it the right way. I completely agree with the others that its the actions and not the words. You don't want to go and say something just to have him freeze up or not feel that way yet. It will come eventually so there's no rush. enjoy your time together in the meantime. if you feel you really need to get the ball rolling and you want to say it first do it during a special occasion (anniversaries, romantic dinner etc...) or write him a nice card just tell him how much he means to you without overly going into the love thing. either way...good luck.
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
ahh yes - saying i love you in a relationship is really hard - but chances are you're going to get the feelings reciprocated based on what you're telling us. i think that there's a lot of fear on both sides about what will be said - and being timid and caring about your own feelings, you don't want to get hurt by it or make him uncomfortable about saying it back. i think that if you don't make a big deal about it - don't build it up so much in your head, you'll feel better about things. being in a relationship for 6 months means that you guys are committed to each other and that you really do enjoy each other's company. that in itself is something to feel secure about and i think that you really don't have as much to fear about those 3 words as you think.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Oh! Why are people so coy about using the L word?? Some guys just can't express their emotions! I told my boyfriend around three months in that I loved him because it was obvious from the way he treated me and looked at me that he loved me too. I said it just as we were going to sleep after a lovely day out cycling and I just went "oh by the way" and he goes "what?" "I've fallen in love with you" and then he said "I fell in love with you a long time ago" which was just the cutest thing I've ever heard. So go for it! Tell him! Don't be coy!
samischo samischo 8 years
not the best idea at all, but i would totally say it on the phone right before hanging up: "okay, bye. love you." and see if that triggered any reaction. at least it would warm him up to the idea of fully saying it.
sw33tlovin sw33tlovin 8 years
dear sugar's a genius! i agree with what she said.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Of course it's nice to hear it before you say it, but I said it first to my boyfriend, and I don't regret it!
CYL CYL 8 years
Trust me. Wait for him to do it....
looseseal looseseal 8 years
Maybe sending a note would be a good way to test the waters with saying I love you for the first time. That way, the person you're saying it to doesn't have to respond right away. It's not a substitute for saying it out loud and in person, but it can be a smaller step to take before taking a bigger one.
emososays17 emososays17 8 years
What's the point in waiting for him? If you're both shy he might be afraid to say it too so just let him know. But I would ask about what he wanted to tell you first just in case it's not something good. You don't want to tell him you love him then hear bad news, you know?
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
mmm.... I'd wait. definitely. it's that much sweeter to be able to say it back. I guess I'm just really, really old-fashioned... lol!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
"I love him and I want him to know." My advice is to keep the words to yourself. Besides, bottom line, love is action, not words. If you truly love him, you would have already expressed it to him in the way you treat him. He would have been loved by you already. He would have felt it, and at some level, know. Let the first declaration of love be made by him, not you. JMHO.
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