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You Asked: I Slept With His Twin

Dear Sugar,

I've been talking to this guy for a year now, but he is not officially my boyfriend. I love him and care for him and he feels the same for me. We go out and spend a lot of quality time together. He has a twin, and I see him a lot since we spend a lot of time at family gatherings.

Last weekend his twin and I went to a bar and had some drinks. That following week we spent a lot of time chatting over the internet and to cut to the chase, this weekend we ended up sleeping together. We promised not to tell his brother, but I fear that at one point it could slip out. Should I tell his brother who I deeply love? Or should I keep it as our little secret?

— Confused and Torn Tara

To hear Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Confused and Torn Tara,

Since you are not officially dating or committed to either brother, then you didn't technically do anything wrong like cheat. However, when the first brother finds out, I'm sure he'll feel hurt and betrayed. You said that you love and care for the brother that you didn't sleep with, so I'm wondering if you feel that what happened was really a mistake, or if deep down you're really in love with him.

This is a really sticky situation because now that both brothers are involved, when you choose one of them (and you will need to choose), the other brother's feelings will definitely be hurt. Plus family gatherings are going to be very awkward since everyone will know what's going on.

As difficult as it may be, you can't keep this a secret. Be honest and talk to each brother individually. Telling the truth is the right thing to do here but realize that you could end up alone after everything is said and done. There are going to be hurt feelings all the way around so try to be understanding of everyone's reaction. I hope everything works out, Tara.


getstinko getstinko 9 years
stick a fork in it - you are done. twin #1 who you are "deeply in love with" he will never go near you again. Lets say I know enough about the twin stuff to know and no guy/brother wants his own flesh to gum up the works on someone he thought he loved. It would tear him to pieces. You need to give up on Twin number 1 and pursue 2 if you want anything out of the entire debackle. Nice work though - go clean your doublewide.
Lifeisbeautifu1 Lifeisbeautifu1 9 years
hmmm, wow... are they identical? u prob confused them, but u said for about a year, yea.. idk that seems kinda low. Its good to be friends with ur lovers' friends and family members, but to go out and sleep with his twin?! Thats a no-no. And I see where your coming from, if u were to tell twin1, it would crush/hurt him and he would not like to be with u anymore, would prob. escalate to a big deal with his family as well. But to avoid allll that, one must keep it a secret. Thats a tricky one.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
This secret will not stay dead, and when it comes out, it will be the two of them against you. I don't think that what you did is repairable.
manologirl manologirl 10 years
it can't believe his twin would that to him.
totonlaura totonlaura 10 years
I don't think you really loved him because if you did you would not have done this to him..I would definitely tell him just come clean.. I agree with dear sugar at the end when all is said and done you might just end up alone..
Pumpkin-Queen Pumpkin-Queen 10 years
You slept with his twin? shame on you. If you wanted to cheat why did you go for his family. I think you should stop all contact with the brothers. They dont deserve to be around someone who acts like you (someone who is so wreckless)
nessabum nessabum 10 years
I think that you should just leave these guys alone. None of them deserve the kind of crap you did to strain their relationship.
sparkle-sugar sparkle-sugar 10 years
wow that's tough. you prob should tell the guy... the fact that u feel like uve gone behind his back suggests ur more than just friends though.
marionettevirus marionettevirus 10 years
I like that everyone can define your idea of love. it is different for everyone. sometimes what feels right at the time is enough to live for. life is short! if you feel guilty enough to ask this question, you should fess up. if you just wanted to see if people would think you were a whore, I think you got your answer. personally, I would not say anything. he is not your husband so you do not owe him a minute-by-minute of your life. unless he asks and you lie about it. then that is something else totally different. just my opinion, really (:
lorenashley lorenashley 10 years
wow. yeah tell the guy please.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 10 years
I think that sooner or later this secret is going to come out so it's really up to you if you'd tell him or not. Do you think it's going to come out better if his brother (or some other people--whom the twin might have told already) tells him, or do you think that you can explain better? Regardless, if I were you, I'd stop seeing the guy you're crushing because it's going only to screw him up later (not to mention you and his relationship with his twin) when the 'little' secret is out. My advice for the future is the same as the others, try not to sleep with your crush's brother/sister/whatever if you'd want to hook up/be in a serious relationship with your crush. Unless you enjoy the drama.
Cassandra57 Cassandra57 10 years
Well, I can't add much to the very incisive comments above, except: If drinking impairs your judgment that much, stop doing it!
gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years
I don't understand some of this questions...really...if you "deeply love" somebody...if "everything is great"..."sweetest guy"..blah blah blah...why does it take "a couple" of drinks to jump on someone else's bed???? next time if you're crushin' on somebody don't sleep with their family members!!! tell him the truth if he talks to you after that...good for you...i guess....
blingbling blingbling 10 years
You were wrong. I'm not sure what you've got going on mentally, but it surely is Jerry Springer material. I say move on from them both and learn from your stupid mistake.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
Honestly, you cheated on your guy. Just because you have not officially declared your relationship, you are still seeing him. You slept with his brother, I don't care if you were both drinking, you put yourself between two brothers. You have to come clean. You do not want to wait until the brother you slept with wants something more and fights with the first brother over you! If you loved the first brother, you wouldn't have let this happen. Be a woman and come clean....and if you lose both of them, then you brought it upon yourself.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
Wow, on the next Jerry Springer.... LOL you love the brother but slept with the twin? Told the twin to lie? Obviously you know something is wrong when you asked him to keep the secret. Here is a secret for you -- that secret will be revealed at one point or the other and your supposedly beloved will feel betrayed and the twin will not take your side -- so you will lose both. Please exit this mess you caused gracefully and move on now and please learn what deep love is, cause I doubt you could have loved this guy as you said or you would have never done this... does the twin believe his brother cares for you as much as you said -- cause he is then an ass too.
ReverendZelda ReverendZelda 10 years
Tell him or when it comes out (and it will come out) he'll resent you and the trust will be gone. Also... I think you've cheated on him emotionally... let's cut the "technically" BS and get right down too it, you slept with his twin!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I don't think that you should tell him, but I think you should stop seeing both of them. And I hope someday you learn a new version of the word "love", let alone "deeply love". Because whatever you think it means now is just wrong.
Eternity Eternity 10 years
She doesn't need us to tell her what she did wrong, but I wonder how a TWIN can do that to his brother?
NdHebert NdHebert 10 years
I dont know why there has been name calling, though I know some names have been created to define people like her.
amybdk amybdk 10 years
why the name-calling?
MamaD MamaD 10 years
Wow!! This is so screwed up! What do you consider a relationship? If twin #1 hadn't slept with you in a year's time I guess you went looking for the next best thing? So now is the twin who's easier to get into bed your boyfriend now? I have a feeling you're going to come between two people who mean a lot to each other and you're going to lose! Obviously you weren't using your head when you got into this situation at all!!!!!
bastille_75 bastille_75 10 years
Wow, how does it feel to be able to say, "gee, your brother doesn't do it that way" or does he?? Just kidding, I know we are all having a good laugh at your expense, but it's definitely the more amusing type of "those kinds of stories". Anyhow, I think you already know how you want to handle the situation and you are seeking a little validation. So, good luck with your decision.
demeter demeter 10 years
You say you love and care for him but you slept with his twin?!
Marci Marci 10 years
You love him and he feels the same for you but he's not officially your boyfriend. What does that even mean? I agree with lickety split, right down to her adding that their father is in the 'do not do' category. You need to leave these guys alone.
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