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You Asked: I Want More From My Affair

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a monogamous relationship for the past 10 years. We've had two children, but have never been married. The truth is that I don't get along very well with my partner, but simply manage because of the kids. He has serious anger issues, and in turn, I have problems with the way he handles himself.

Last year he left me in a huff at my 20-year reunion, and one of my male classmates ended up taking me home the next morning after we spent the night together. He and I have continued to hook up since, but we've never discussed a potential relationship. Right now it's "just fun" but I want more. The problem is I'm not sure where he stands; he says that he's undecided. What should I do?

— Looking For More Melissa

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Looking For More Melissa,

I can't help but feel a little confused after reading this. You want to create a relationship with the man you're cheating on your boyfriend with, but you haven't even mentioned the prospect of ending your own relationship. It's clear to me that if your old classmate wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. His indecision is a decision, so end things before your significant other finds out and your children get dragged into the drama.

While you're at it, it's time to figure out what you want to do about your own relationship. From your actions, it seems obvious to me that you want out so if that's the case, make your break. Splitting up a family is difficult on children, but if you and your partner work to make it as smooth as possible then there's no reason why they won't make it through. If I'm incorrect, and you do want to stay with your partner then you're both going to need to do some changing. So consider looking into couple's counseling and individual therapy


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