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You Asked: I'm Always Seeking Men's Attention

You Asked: I'm Always Seeking Men's Attention

Dear Sugar--

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. Throughout our roller coaster relationship, he has remained faithful and in love with me, whereas I have not. We broke up 2 months ago because I suggested to him that I simply was not sure about our relationship.

We still see each other and hook up even though we are not officially back together. During our break, I flirted and went on several dates with another man and did everything else but have sex. Is it still considered cheating even if I didn't have sex?

I do love my ex, but now that I ended the month long fling, I have since met another guy who I am going on a date with and fear the same ordeal will start all over again like a vicious cycle. Is it wrong that I am always seeking another man's attention? Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I be happy with just one man!!

--Dating Many Men Mia

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Dating Many Men Mia-

First of all, you're either in a relationship with someone or you're not, and actions speak louder than words. Even though you "broke up" with your boyfriend, you said that you still see each other and act as if you are still together, so I bet your boyfriend thinks you two are dating. It's okay to date other people if you have that arrangement with your "boyfriend," but it sounds like things are kind of fuzzy in the communication department.

You need to decide who you want to be with and stop stringing the other men along. Have a chat with your "bf," be honest with him and tell him how you feel. He obviously loves and cares for you. I'm sure he'd be very hurt if he thought you were being faithful and found out you were actually dating other guys despite the fact that you aren't having sex with them.

Women date other guys to find the right one, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but if you were truly in love with your ex, you wouldn't want to explore what else is out there. Listen to your gut instincts and don't force the past it if it's just not there anymore - focus on finding the one person you want to be with in the future.


JessBear JessBear 10 years
You didn't mention anything about being in love with him, wanting to be with him, etc. It sounds like there's absolutely nothing wrong with you- he's just not the one for you. Stop beating yourself up over it and try to move on.
I didn't say having a conversation with a guy was cheating. I said it has everything to do with what is going on inside your head. If you have ill/sexual intentions in conversing with someone, that can be hurtful to the person who places their trust in you, even if it leads to nothing. I work at a hotel, so I have conversations with random men multiple times a day, I don't consider that cheating, because I know I am not thinking in that way. If feel guilty about something, then you did something wrong, end of story. And, yea, I was rude, but someone needs to tell the girls of this generation to find some self respect.
annebreal annebreal 10 years
Here's where I'm confused on the cheating question - yeah, I can see where you can say there's physical cheating (sex) and emotional cheating, although I take major issue with what BrandyNicole said, that what you think while just having a conversation with another guy is cheating too. I really don't think so. First of all, where our mind wanders is sometimes beyond our control, and that sets way too high of a standard and would lead most women to beat themselves up all the time, as they'd be "cheating" on a pretty regular basis! Like, daily! But you say you were on a "break" from this guy, and then ask if your actions while on that break were cheating? Hon, if you were broken up that was just you being single and doing what single girls do. I agree with sugar, if the breakup was unclear and he thought your "hookups" were commitment, then you cheated...if not, then you definitely didn't! I identify personally with a lot of what you said here...maybe not that I'm constantly seeking guys' attention, but that I can't be satisfied by one guy for too long and need to date around. And I have to say I found the first couple of comments rude. You told him you weren't sure about your relationship and took a break - and this is only if you made yourself very clear - so you weren't stringing him along. And how do you know that this girl doesn't have self respect, self control, or has daddy issues? C'mon now.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
Cheating comes in all forms. I think what you did constitutes as cheating because even if you don't do anything with them physically, there are emotions involved. And a good indicator that you are cheating or at least doing something that's not quite right, is that you aren't being honest with your ex. If you had nothing to hide, you'd be honest. I suggest you break things off because he doesn't need to be hurt by your actions.
lolalu lolalu 10 years
You can't be happy with this one guy for simple reason - he's not the right one for you. I speak from experience. I swore up and down that I was in love with an ex, but i had the same feelings as you. i realize now how incrediably selfish and hurtful i was to him. We ended up drifting apart for good, and after i was single for a while i found the right guy. I knew he was the right one because i haven't thought of wanting anything from another man, and we've been happily married for two years now. So long story short, break it off with you ex!
luckymom luckymom 10 years
Is there something wrong with you, you are askng...You already know you are obviously unhappy and turning into a cheater-liar, which always go hand in hand will not solve anything for you, try confiding in a true friend you trust...
The problem with what is and is not considered cheating, is the guilty party does not set the precedent. Yea, you cheated. To be honest, depending on how sensitive the person you are betraying is, you didn't have to touch the guy. Cheating has everything to do with what was going on inside your head while just conversing with this other guy. Not to mention you went on dates with him. Yea, you are one of the bad females I hear so many guys talk about. You need to let your ex go, since you obviously don't care about his feelings, that shouldn't be too hard. How can you fix yourself? Learn some self respect, some self control, then go ask your daddy for a hug.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 10 years
Obviously you're not happy with yourself for some reason, which is the reason to why you're seeking attention from others. I say to quit stringing your "bf" along...he deserves someone that will be faithful, responsible, and most of all, someone who wants to be with HIM. You're lucky that he's stuck around this long. Whatever the reason that you're keeping him from living his life (arm candy, sex, etc.) it's definitely NOT because you think you love him.
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