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You Asked: I'm Cheating With My Best Friend

You Asked: I'm Cheating With My Best Friend

Dear Sugar,

I'm in a sexual relationship with my best friend, who happens to be in a relationship that is on the rocks. This has been going on for five months now. At first I thought it was just a physical thing, but then I began growing feelings for him beyond friendship. Now I think I'm falling in love. I'm sure he and his girlfriend will break up eventually, but it's yet to happen, so should I wait to tell him how I feel or let him know now?

— More Than Friends Melissa

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear More Than Friends Melissa,

I hate to be the one to say it, but this is not a good or healthy situation for anyone involved. Regardless of whether or not he's your best friend and their relationship is rocky, you're still playing the part of the "other woman," and he's still cheating. Although you make multiple references to your friend's relationship ending, it's been five months since he began cheating, and he still remains with his girlfriend. What makes you think it won't be another five months until he decides to call it quits or worse, another year?

Melissa, you deserve more than this. Do yourself a favor and stop sleeping with your friend immediately. Even if there is a possibility of having an actual relationship with him, starting it like this isn't a good way to go, so make a clean break while you can. If you're meant to be together, he'll end things with his girlfriend and come back to you. But if I were you, I'd look for a guy who isn't inclined to start up physical relationships with his so-called "friends" while he's currently taken.


Join The Conversation
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
You say that you are sure him and his gf will break up 'eventually'. But there is no reason for you to assume this to be true. That is such an old excuse from cheating men. Oh our relationship is going badly, we don't have sex anymore, I can't break up with her now because...etc... They are very likely all lies he is feeding you so that he continue to have sex with you. If he does end up breaking up with her, what makes you think that he also would not cheat on you if you started dating him??? Obviously he has no moral problems with it. Don't assume that he cares for you SO much more than the last girl that he will suddenly become a trustworthy, honest guy. I seriously doubt it. If you are really that naive, then tell him how you feel about him now. But don't be surprised if you guys do end up dating that he cheats on you in a couple months.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 8 years
Wow. I don't care if his relationship is rocky, if you hated his gf, if the world was coming to an end.. DO NOT get involved in cheating! You've put yourself in a horrible position and when it comes out, which it will, you'll have a lot of people to answer to. It sounds like he's just saying his relationship is on the rocks so you'll keep jumping in bed with him, which seems to have worked for 5 months. Even if he eventually chooses to be with you, karma will probably come around an bite you where it hurts, because what could possibly make you think he wouldn't cheat on you?
bransugar79 bransugar79 8 years
If you were willign to sleep with someone else's boyfriend regardless of how rocky their relationship it means somethign is off with you too. This guy is no good or else he wouldn't need to cheat ... he would either fix the relationship by communicating wiht his GIRLFRIEND or he would have gotten out. You need to stop this cycle and focus on clearing your head and finding out why this situation was appealing to you int the first place. You can't change this guy or what he's willing to do but you can become a better person for yourself. Ditch this loser find yourself and then you will be really happy.
Jeny Jeny 8 years
You may be drawn to the excitement of an affair and if or when he does leave his girlfriend, that may wear off.. go off and find your own man and let them work out their problems on their own.. : )
Rebecca14916991 Rebecca14916991 8 years
I would definitely leave. If he has spent 5 months since sleeping with you continuing the relationship with the other girl, all you are to him is a booty call. Leave him behind and go find someone who will actually appreciate you. You deserve more than this. Heck, SHE deserves more than this, and I hope you tell her what's been going on so she can get out of this hellish situation as well. No matter what happens though, it will probably be impossible to salvage your friendship, because it will all come out eventually. At least this way you have decided to stop enabling a cheater and do the right thing.
jaxon jaxon 8 years
5 months and he has not left yet? Girl you are being played!! Just make sure you dont lose the guy and your BF. I would chalk this up to a crush and try to salvage your friendship.. Break it off, he is NOT boyfriend material at least not yet
suyenyen suyenyen 8 years
it's never a good idea when you have to share a relationship with someone else..
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I think it's hilarious how you're pretty much just waiting in the wings. I hope someone slaps the hell out of me before i become this desperate.
CYL CYL 8 years
oh sheeesh...didn't dear sugar just had something yesterday about relationship karma? Mamsitamalita is right...
Berlin Berlin 8 years
oh yeah, i'm sure you guys will be on the road to a great relationship in no time! and i'm suuure that you won't be filled with insecurities that he'll cheat on you too:) are we serious? how about let the little girlfriend in on this so she can get herself tested for effin stds and not be sleeping with YOU too! how sick are you??
SugarKim4203 SugarKim4203 8 years
mamasitamalita I was thinking the same exact thing.
Marni7 Marni7 8 years
Think about it, if he has yet to leave his girlfriend, it must not be that much of a rocky situation that he is in..sleeping with two people? that seems like a perfect situation from his point of view im sure
kiwitwist kiwitwist 8 years
horrible... I don't understand how so many people get into these situations. Break it off, he probably won't leave his g/f and if he does he will just cheat on u.
Kelliegrl Kelliegrl 8 years
He hasn't left his girlfriend yet, so that should tell you something.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
"he who marries his mistress leaves a position open." - veryyyy good line! if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. dear has good advice, move along. and if it all works out in the end, it was meant to be, but if not, you'll be doing yourself a favor.
puddlesworth puddlesworth 8 years
what you are doing is wrong. I hope you are ashamed of it and stop doing it.
gooniette gooniette 8 years
Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me...
mamasitamalita mamasitamalita 8 years
he who marries his mistress leaves a position open.
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