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You Asked: I'm Dreaming About My Ex!

You Asked: I'm Dreaming About My Ex!

Dear Sugar,

I have been in wonderful committed relationship going on three years, but recently I've been having very vivid sexual dreams about my ex-boyfriend. I think this might be linked to the fact that I just started birth control and my libido has virtually vanished. I long for the earlier times when sex was uninhibited and exciting like it was with my ex. Every time I have these dreams, I am aware that I'm in a relationship, but choose to cheat with my ex anyway. My boyfriend and I have always had a healthy sex life so what do you think these dreams mean and should I be worried? — Dreaming Deirdre

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Deirdre,

First of all, starting a new method of birth control can definitely cause sexual side effects, but give your body some time to get adjusted. If things don't get better, ask your doctor for a new prescription — sometimes it takes some trial and error to find the right method for you. Not that that's out of the way, let's get to these dreams of yours!

I think it's perfectly normal to dream and fantasize about other men, but if you're jumping at the chance to cheat on your boyfriend in your sleep, your subconscious might be telling you something you're not ready to confront during your waking hours. Without reading too far into this, I'd first do some investigative work: How long have you been having these dreams? Do they happen after a fight? Do they happen after a certain topic of conversation? Did they start right after starting birth control?

Since your relationship is lacking in the bedroom, turn your attention on spicing things up behind closed doors — just because you're in a committed relationship doesn't mean your sex life has to suffer. Set the mood for romance, experiment with new positions, take sex out of the bedroom and get busy on your couch, your kitchen counter, or even in your shower! Simply getting out of your sexual rut could make your dreams come to an end just like that but if all else fails, talk to your boyfriend and let him know what's going on. Perhaps getting the guilt of these dreams off your chest will help you sleep easy. Good luck.


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