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You Asked: I'm Heart-Broken, HELP!

You Asked: I'm Heart-Broken, HELP!

Dear Sugar--

I feel devastated. My boyfriend broke up with me today. He was my first boyfriend and honestly the one that I thought I would end up with. We met in our last year of high school and broke up two years later. A year later we got back together, and now today we broke up. A 5 1/2 year relationship - done. Initially, I had decided to take a break, just because I was beginning to feel like he wasn't appreciating me anymore, not being romantic, calling me or going out with me as much. We had a talk and he confessed that yes, he felt like he needed to date other girls to make sure that I was really the one. He said that he still cared for me, and that even during this break, he would feel jealous if he heard that I went out with other guys.

Well, he emailed me today to tell me the devastating news, that it was really over. Overall, I still believe he is a good guy, and his rationale makes sense to me, but I honestly thought that we would just end up happily together. My question is, how do I get over him? Will I get over him? How do I move on? What do I do? And then, he still wants us to keep in touch, to maintain a friendship. Can that be done? I am honestly too hurt to even consider a friendship. I'm just really upset, devastated, and just feel really empty. Cheer me up, Sugar.

--Heart-Broken Heather

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Heart-Broken Heather--

Breaking up with someone you love is probably the worst feeling you can have. It's going to take a lot of time to "mourn" your relationship, and my best advice is to surround yourself with friends who will make you feel better. Do the things you love to do. Keep yourself busy with a new hobby or with work. Go to the gym, to the book store, to the movies, or shopping! Get a massage, get your nails done, get a new haircut. Remember that you need to take care of yourself right now.

If he still wants to be friends, and you find that much too difficult to bear right now, then maintain your space. Don't see him, don't talk to him, don't email him. Do what you need to do to get him out of your mind. At least you can feel good knowing that he obviously still cares for you deeply if he wants to stay in touch with you, but please don't just sit around thinking he'll want you back because then you'll never get over him. Move on by deciding to move on.

Know that everyone has felt as sad as you feel right now. Without heartache, true love wouldn't feel so amazing. With some time apart, it'll give you a chance to think and reflect on your relationship and your own future. Remember how you didn't feel appreciated or loved as much as you thought you deserved? Well, maybe once you feel ready to date again, you'll meet someone who will give you what you need. You're still young and now you have the chance to date and experience new relationships. Think of this as a welcome opportunity to find even deeper love. My heart goes out to you but I know you will get through this and be a stronger woman because of it.


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