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You Asked: I'm Living With Al Bundy, Help!

You Asked: I'm Living With Al Bundy, Help!

Dear Sugar,

I live with my boyfriend and one of his friends from high school who I don't know very well. We've lived together for about two months now, and even though we keep different schedules, we occasionally all sit around and watch TV together. This is great roommate bonding and a good way for me to get to know my boyfriend's best friend except for one thing — my housemate keeps his hand in his pants the whole time. It's not as though he puts his hand in his pants just to have a place to put his hands, he actually has it down there touching stuff.

Needless to say this bothers me to no end because not only do I feel really, really uncomfortable, but it's also gross and unsanitary because then he'll touch the remote! I feel like the feminist in me should be able to say, "Stop touching yourself in front of me, pervert" but I also don't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home. Help! — Grossed out Gretta

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Grossed out Gretta,

OK, I would be grossed out too, but you have to understand that a lot of guys like to chill out with their hands in their pants. It's not to say they are getting off on it, but it's their way of kicking back. Women won't understand it, but we need to accept that it's just a guy thing. With that said, your roommate does need to realize that he isn't living alone here and he is in the presence of a woman who deserves some respect.

The only way you're going to put a stop to this problem is by talking to him. I understand that you don't want to put him on the spot or make him feel like he can't live the way he pleases in his own home, but it's your home too. Try to keep the conversation light hearted, but make sure you get your point across. Tell him that while he's in your common rooms, you would appreciate it if his hands remained out of his pants, but what he does in his own room in his prerogative. Since you live together, you should all be able to talk freely about house rules, so instate it now before he gets too comfy on that couch you share! Good luck!


CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
get him some of those exercise balls and tell him that those wont make his hands stink.
chicaparati17 chicaparati17 9 years
Gross...confront him and tell him that this behavior is making you uncomfortable!
Phunkometry Phunkometry 9 years
"...but I also don't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home." I think the fact that he has his hands in his pants all the time is making you more uncomfortable than he would be if you were to tell him about it. If he's considerate, then he'll stop. If he's not, then he can buy a TV and put it in his room and grab himself in there.
karlotta karlotta 9 years
You should say something, but make it a joke. If he's not an idiot, he should get the hint. Putting your boyfriend in on it and asking him to go along with the teasing wouldn't be so bad. If there are two of you going "hey man, you gotta take care of the crab situation!", it should register! I live with my boyfriend's best friend too, and that one doesn't touch his unit on the couch - however, he lets out the absolute GROSSEST NASTIEST LOUDEST burps I have ever heard. I throw up in my mouth a little every time he does it - the worst being during breakfast. I've tried making jokes, getting openly offended, and nicely telling him how offensive I thought it was, but nothing worked. I hope your boyfriend's BF is more receptive! Cheers!
mrspiven mrspiven 9 years
i love the al bundy reference, first of all, that is so funny. but to the problem at hand: i'd mention something. chances are he just needs something to help him break this habit. if you don't say anything, he thinks it doesn't bother you and he'll keep at it!
allenorton allenorton 9 years
eww... I have never heard of anyone doing this, that is totally disgusting. If I were you, I would first talk to him about it privately, or have your boyfriend mention it to him if you feel uncomfortable. If that doesn't stop, I feel like you should have free reign to tease him or embarrass him by talking about it openly when you are all out with friends... maybe then he'll think twice before touching his little Johnny in front of you.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
Speak up you have to be comfortable with your living situation. It is a totally gross habit and like the others have said he may not know he is even doing it.
aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
This is disgusting!
candace117 candace117 9 years
The funny part is if you were to fight fire with fire and hang out with your hands on various body parts, it wouldn't have the same effect. so maybe that tactic won't work. But really, it is just something that guys do and he probably doesn't know when he's doing it... and that being said, a lot of guys do have enough self restraint to know when it's appropriate to do it. Look at it this way, mentioning it now, and having it come from someone he is not romantically interested in, will help him be better off for when he actually meets someone and moves the hell out of your place!!! :)
lisafrank lisafrank 9 years
I think you should definetely say something, like the others said he my not realize that hes doing it or even that it bothers you. It doesnt hurt to speak up girl!
lemassabielle lemassabielle 9 years
My brother does that all of the time and it makes me uncomfortable. I think it's absolutely disgusting. I would maybe crack a joke about it when you get comfortable enough, perhaps he doesn't realize he's doing it.
krEnElk krEnElk 9 years
i have guy friends who do this too and, like k8 said, they don't even realize it! it never bothered me because I don't live with any of them so it doesn't really affect me, but you should definitely talk to your roommate cuz, if you don't, it might not stop, ever!
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 9 years
I had an ex who did this all the time... he didn't have to be sitting in his own living room, he could be in the halls at school, talking to people at the mall, wherever! Turns out it was completely subconscious (if that makes sense?) and he didnt even realize he was doing it when he was doing it... it just took me teasing him a few times to make him realize what he was doing when he was doing it and stop!
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