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You Asked: I'm So Depressed

You Asked: I'm So Depressed

Dear Sugar,

I just graduated from high school this past May and am currently living from home, but since then, I feel like everything has gone downhill. Most of my friends have moved away to go to school and I still live at home. I attend an amazing university, but still, I can't help but feel depressed. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I'm not happy with what I’m doing with my life.

I just ended things with this guy who was extremely controlling and every other relationship I have been in has been just as bad and I feel like it’s me that’s causing it. I feel like I need a new change of pace. There is nothing here for me anymore.

I want to leave, but I love my family to death and the thought of leaving them and everything I know behind just breaks my heart. But at the same time, I just feel like the only way for me to move on with my life is to get away from all the things that are making me unhappy. Please help!

—Sad Sally

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Sad Sally,

If you’re not happy with your life right now, you’ve got to figure out what’s making you feel that way, and change it. Since you just graduated high school, and your friends have moved away, I don’t blame you for feeling lonely and left behind. It's great that you like the school you’re going to, and you love living near your family, but do you love living with them? I’m thinking that part of your unhappiness must be that you’re struggling with wanting your independence and your own life, just like other women your age.

I know you love your family, and it’s really scary to think about leaving the comforts of home, but you don’t have to move far away per se. See whether your family can help you pay for rent so you can get a place of your own or think about getting a part-time job if you're not too busy with school work. Taking the plunge out of the nest will be the best thing for you. It’s a great experience to have your freedom. You’ll get to meet new people, grow as an individual, and learn a lot about yourself. You'll still get to see your family, but you'll be able to have your space from them too. I'm sure your parents will support your decision one hundred percent, and do what they can to help make it happen. Change is good for the soul, and it sounds as if it would be just the thing to give you a new attitude about life. Good luck, Sally.


Join The Conversation
manhattan-girl manhattan-girl 9 years
no 2 ways about it, you gotta "leave the nest." Time to grow up.
hills hills 9 years
i completely agree with Dear sugar, its fab that u lv your uni and its hard atm {im going through the same type thing} but yourl meet new people along the line. good luck!
Eternity Eternity 9 years
This is completely normal. Metamorphosis is a painful process, and depression typically haunts most life changes. This is your first of many (just wait till you graduate college, and then again when you turn 30 and again when you are 40!) Focus on the things that make you happy. Dive into your school, join programs that make you tick, and move into a dorm. Visit your family often, or begin an online photojournal for mom. Through these activities, you will begin to discover who you are, and you will feel happier.
Jeng112 Jeng112 9 years
What was it about high school that made you happy? Maybe you just need to get more invovled with college activities. I would think twice about moving out so quickly while your in school. If your lonely and depressed won't being by yourself make things worse? Try to make some new friends, because, in all honesty, only a few high school friends stick with you after school ends. Get excited about this new chapter in your life instead of dwelling on high school. Your single, young, and you have a whole big world to explore. There is a great website called, you might be able to find a group of people in your area going through the same feelings. If your depression lasts for weeks on end, you have changes in your sleeping or eating habits, or start having some scary thoughts SEEK HELP. Your family, as well as all of us here, want you to be happy and healthy.
fleurfairy fleurfairy 9 years
I know how you feel. Since I graduated from my amazing college last May, I've felt lonely and lost. All of my close friends moved away to other cities and I have a job that I'm not happy with. I know what would make me happy, but I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and things are too monumental to change right now. Unlike you though I'm very far away from my family and that is the main problem. I've thought about talking to a therapist about everything, but instead I just soldier on each day. So believe me, I know what you're going through. I hope things start looking up for you!
bbkf bbkf 9 years
I think you should move to a dorm. They're not glamorous or particularly exciting, but just being around people your age and out of your parents house will benefit you tremendously. Plus, it's less expensive than an apartment and you can eat on campus so you can ease into responsibilities of living alone.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
I agree since you really like your school how about trying to live on campus? Then you can have the best of both worlds...your freedom and your family. Feeling unsure of yourself at this time in your life is very normal. You finally get to be a grown up and it seems like you should know all the answers but the truth is your still trying to figure yourself out. This is common and I'm sure most women can tell you it goes on even in your twenties. Look at the bright side your young and you have the world at your fingertips. Put yourself out there on campus meet some new friends and enjoy being young and in school!
lily314 lily314 9 years
"I want to leave, but I love my family to death and the thought of leaving them and everything I know behind just breaks my heart. But at the same time, I just feel like the only way for me to move on with my life is to get away from all the things that are making me unhappy." It doesn't sound like your family is part of all the things that are making you unhappy. You should move out. Visit your family often, but moving out allows you to bridge the gap between being on your own and being a kid in your parents' house. I suggest university housing, because it's a great opportunity to meet a lot of people who are in the same boat as you: strangers entering a new community, wanting to make friends, facing the same challenges of living on their own for the first time.
maddiemay maddiemay 9 years
Also- so nice to have family near by-- home cooked meals and laundry facilities! :-) You'll end up getting the best of both worlds!
maddiemay maddiemay 9 years
I agree with the depression comment, however, I remember how scary things seemed after HS (10 yrs ago!!). You've been so used to living a certain way surrounded by the same people for so long and to have a sudden change is scary and overwhelming. I agree with Sugar in that you need to move out- does your school have a dorm? I had a great time in the dorms my freshman year and met some great gals- I keep in touch with many of them to this day! Most students live- in freshman year before getting their own places near campus or in sororities on campus. I didn't go the sorority route, however, many of my friends did and we all found our own grove and still maintained our friendships from freshman year as well as those that we built on our own. If dorm living isn't an option- see about moving in with other students, also look into getting involved at your school in an activity you enjoy. You'll have a blast and meet other people who share a similar interest! Best of luck-- college is a wonderful time and you should enjoy it!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I'll say this, you maybe 'causing' by dating the same type of guy. Since you're in school, go to the nurse's office, tell her your depressed and ask her to refer you to an on-site counselor.
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