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You Asked: I'm Stuck Between My Parents and My Girlfriend

You Asked: I'm Stuck Between My Parents and My Girlfriend

Dear Sugar,

Last year I started dating a good friend of mine. We had a great relationship except we had to hide it from everyone. She was out and proud but she was my first girlfriend and I wasn't ready for everyone to know my secret. I started traveling a lot and my girlfriend broke up with me. She immediately started dating a new girl, but when I would come home, we would still get together and no matter how many times she hurt me, I would always go back to her. When we are together it is like none of the bad times ever happened.

Fast forward a few months, we started dating again, but this time rumors started to spread. My parents found out and made me choose between them and her. I chose my family and she was hurt and angry. We got back together and did the make-up/break-up thing for awhile (every time we were off, she went back to her ex). Everything was going great, and I was planning on telling my parents the truth, but they ended up finding out we were back through her blog. They learned that I had lied to them for months — they already don't like her, but now they can't stand her.

In an attempt to stay connected with my parents, I stopped seeing her. I have tried to completely cut her out of my life, but we are involved in a lot of the same things — we play on the same team and have the same friends. Even though she is back together with her ex, I still love her. I want to have a chance to be with her and forget about everything else. I can't help but feel that if I don't give it one fair chance then I will forever wonder what would have happened, but at the same time, I don't want to lose my parents. Please help.

— Torn in Two Taryn

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Torn in Two Taryn,

This sounds like a very complicated situation. If your parents don't like her because they don't approve of who she is as person, it's a different issue than them not approving of her because she's a woman. If the latter is the case, then it's not about making a choice between them, but being true to yourself. Even if you don't end up with this girl, there will be another girl that you will have to introduce as your girlfriend, so the first step would be opening up to your parents about your sexuality. It may be painful, but not being true to who you are will only lead to long-term unhappiness.

However, if your parents just don't like this particular girl then you might want to talk to them about it. Ask them what it is that they dislike and try to get their feel for the situation. I think oftentimes we discount our parents opinions when we should at least hear them out — whether we like to accept it or not, they do have a few more years of experience on us. Additionally, the fact that your girlfriend keeps finding herself in the arms of that other woman is a bit concerning. If you do pursue a relationship with her, I think you need to make sure that you're both making some changes. There's no point in going through the exact same relationship over and over again if you already know how it ends. I hope I was of some help and good luck.


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