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You Asked: My Best Friend is Flirting With Me!

Dear Sugar--

I have a very confusing problem with a very close guy friend of mine. I met him about a year ago, and we began casually dating for a little while. We broke up and while we were not speaking, he met another girl who is now his girlfriend. He contacted me after we had not talked for a while and expressed a desire to be friends again. He said he had really missed me and that he thought I was an amazing person. Over time we began to redevelop a relationship and I now consider him one of my closest friends. He is always able to talk to me, and I feel more comfortable talking to him than I do anyone else. When we hang out, his presence makes me feel happy. He has told me that I am his best friend, and that whenever he is sad I make him feel better. He tells me he loves me all the time.

The problem is that he sometimes crosses the line. He will tell me how beautiful I am, which is of course not a problem, but then sometimes he goes on to say how much he wants to have sex with me, or how he is thinking of me naked. The fact that he does this is very frustrating, because he told me he still has feelings for me, but he continues to date this other girl. I've tried talking to him about this, but he's very ambiguous. What should I think? He's my best friend, but I can't go on like this.

--Puzzled Pam

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Puzzled Pam--

First thing's first. You say he's your best friend, but it sounds like you have romantic feelings for him -- do you wish your relationship went further than just a friendship? If the answer is "yes" then you have to be straight up with him and tell him how you feel. Walking on this thin line isn't fair to you or his girlfriend. On the other hand, if you just want to be friends with him, you need to tell him to lay off with the touchy-feely stuff. Tell him flat-out that you love his friendship, but don't want to take things any further.

Either way - he needs to get his feelings straight. Even though he hasn't done anything to physically cheat on his girlfriend, telling you he wants to have sex with you is one step away from it. It sounds as though he wants to have his cake and eat it too so it is high time that he figures out who he wants to be with once and for all. Good luck Pam.


Join The Conversation
<3-Gossip <3-Gossip 10 years
I think he just wants to satisfy his sexual desire/fantasy that he has of you..I think that as far as a relationship goes..He's happy with his current girlfriend...He's going to keep pushing for it until you either accept his implication or stop speaking with him. He knows that he's gambling with your friendship... If you say no to his offer, then your friendship will probably end.. If you say yes, then your friendship will probably end as well..After the deed is done of course.
writebeauty writebeauty 10 years
Dump him. It's that simple.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree with DearSugar. It sounds like you both want more than a friendship. There is nothing wrong with building a strong friendship before moving on to the next step, however, he has a girlfriend. What does his girlfriend think of your relationship with him?
If you want to keep this just a friendship, you need to tell him to stop the sexual comments otherwise you guys cannot be friends.
If you do want more than a friendship, and he agrees, he needs to let the other girl go. It is not fair to have two girls at his disposal so that if one fails, he has a backup.
You know in your gut what he is doing is wrong, so you need to stick up for what you think is right.
clarapl clarapl 10 years
Definitely something shady about this guy.
PrissyLilBadAss PrissyLilBadAss 10 years
Yeah, I agree with viridiana, he never wanted to be your friend. He wanted a back-up plan. Sounds like a guy you can't trust as a boyfriend or a friend!
nicachica nicachica 10 years
this guy sounds immature if he's being so blatantly suggestive. find someone that wants to be with you and JUST YOU!
Tiinnaaaa Tiinnaaaa 10 years
I think you should be firm with him and tell him he has to decide what he wants. He cannot have both of you, cos thats not fair on his girlfriend or you.
A_Kat A_Kat 10 years
Wow. I agree.
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree with Dear the HE is the one who has to get his feelings straight. And do NOT allow him to have his cake and eat it, too. That would be a big, big mistake. And popgoestheworld makes a really good point that his behavior is creepy and why would you even want to date someone who is hitting on you when he has a girlfriend?
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I would be very reluctant to date a guy who I knew would be willing to totally hit on another girl so blatantly while he was dating someone else. Yuck. That's just creepy.
fab4 fab4 10 years
If you do decide to take the friendship to the next step, be sure he first ends his relationship he's in now. If he doesn't, it could possibly ruin your chances for both friendship and dating in the future...
sugar-n-spice sugar-n-spice 10 years
I second dear's view... sounds like you want it to grow...
viridiana viridiana 10 years
Sorry, he has never wanted to be your friend. If you're not interested in him, you should stop having contact with him. If he wants to be with you, he should break up with his girlfriend and try to start something serious with you... If not, he is just playing with both of you, and someone might get hurt. Good luck
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