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You Asked: My Boyfriend Changed His Mind

Dear Sugar--

I am 18 yrs old and have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half (he will be 21 in October). I'm very confused right now because he and I are planning on moving in together. We have been talking about this for at least six months, but now that I have finally talked to my mom and got her to accept it, he is very crabby and gets irritated when I bring it up. He says I talk about it every day, which I know I don't. My boyfriend is the most hard-headed person I know, so that makes everything difficult.

Well I don't know what to do with that, but on top of everything else, he has started to drink a lot more and go out with his friends almost every night, which I am sure is only going to get worse when he actually turns 21. I have a lot going on and just really need some advice, can you help me?

--Confused Catherine

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Confused Catherine--

Take this as a huge warning sign! It sounds to me like your boyfriend is NOT ready to live with you, even though he agreed to it in the past. He must have changed his mind, which is pretty disrespectful to you and your relationship, but it's better to find out now before you get settled into a new apartment. He should be honest with you and tell you that he's not ready, or that he changed his mind, or whatever his reason is, instead of turning the tables and insinuating you are pressuring him. If he's too "hard-headed" to listen, well then, he doesn't deserve to live with you in the first place. Living together is a huge step, so if you are struggling with communication now, I would re-think your decision to cohabitate.

Turning 21 is a huge deal to some people, since it allows so much freedom. It sounds like he'll want to be out drinking with his buddies and if that doesn't sit well with you, that is just another reason that living together just might not be the right thing to do at this time. Moving in with someone requires commitment, trust, patience, and respect, and unfortunately it sounds like he's too immature for all that. He needs to "sow his oats" and if I were you, I wouldn't be around when he does. Good luck Catherine.


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