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You Asked: My Boyfriend Constantly Brings up His Ex!

Dear Sugar--

I've known this guy for over a year now. He's been single the whole time I've known him but about a month ago, we started dating exclusively. I noticed that he seems to always bring up his ex-girlfriend A LOT. From what I can gather, she really broke his heart - so badly that he had to go to therapy for 8 weeks! What bothers me is that it was over a year ago and that I've never once asked about it. He seems to always reference something about her or somehow her name comes up. He claims that he "hates her" and he's "as over it as he's ever going to be."

Am I selfish to want him to just be over it and not talk about her? I've never mentioned my past relationships because I choose to leave it in the past.

-- Don't Want to Hear About it Dara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Don't Want to Hear About it Dara--

I'd be annoyed and hurt too, especially since we all know the only reason he's talking about her so much is because he's definitely NOT over her. That's not to say he doesn't care about or want to be with you, but he's clearly still grieving this past relationship, even though it was over a year ago.

Have you tried talking to him about this? Does he know how much it upsets you that he constantly brings her up? Since you've been friends for over a year, I bet he feels comfortable enough to share his feelings with you, but he needs to realize that you are now a couple, not just friends, and some things (especially those having to do with ex-girlfriends) are sometimes better left unsaid.

Talking might make him stop mentioning her name, but it won't make him stop thinking about her. It sounds like he's simply not ready to be in a relationship with you or anyone right now. He clearly needs a chance to get over his ex fully so if I were you, I'd stop dating him until he's had a chance to mend that broken heart of his.


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