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You Asked: My Boyfriend's Paranoia Is Causing a Rift

You Asked: My Boyfriend's Paranoia Is Causing a Rift

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has been cheated on by many past girlfriends, which has caused him to build up major walls. Now that he's with me, I can tell he's proceeding with caution, but the thing is, I've never cheated on anyone in my life and don't intend on starting to do so now. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart but his insecurity is starting to cause a huge rift in our relationship. His constant doubt is weighing on me and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. What should I do? — Sick of It Samantha

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Dear Sick of It Samantha,

I don't blame you for being fed up with your boyfriend's self-conscious ways, but since he's so fearful of the worst case scenario, it's important for you to approach him tenderly so he doesn't feel attacked or blindsided. The walls that he's built are purely up for protection, and unfortunately the only way to break them down is to build up the trust between you two. I'm not sure how long you've been together, but truly trusting someone else with your heart doesn't happen overnight; it can take months, even years for some people.

You both have to be happy in this relationship so a talk is definitely in order. Preface it by telling him how much you love him, how you'd never do anything to purposely hurt him in anyway, but you also need to let him know how his actions are making you feel. He needs to understand that it's not fair to treat you like you've done something wrong when you haven't. Keep the lines of communication as open as possible and hopefully in time, he'll learn that you are the woman in his life that he actually can trust. Good luck.


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