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You Asked: My Boyfriend Is Quiet in Bed

Dear Sugar--

During sex, my boyfriend is so quiet. He doesn't make any noises or
anything. I feel like I am doing something wrong, but when I bring it up to him he says everything is fine, that he is just quiet. Should I be worried?

--A Little Concerned Connie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear A Little Concerned Connie--

Everyone expresses their sexuality in different ways, and it sounds like your man may be the quiet type. As long as he seems to be enjoying himself (he reaches orgasm), I'm sure you are doing everything right.

I am glad you feel comfortable asking him about it, that's the first step, but it simply may be his personality to be less than a screamer in the bedroom. Or he may have learned to be that way from his past sexual experiences (maybe he had to be quiet because of a roommate or an ex who didn't like him to be vocal). Let him know that you don't think there's anything wrong with him keeping quiet, but you just want to make sure he really does enjoy your sex life.

Just because a person is "the quiet type" doesn't mean he can't ever let out his wild side. If you're used to a partner who moans, groans, screeches, and giggles, and you want to see that come out with this guy, try going a little out of your comfort zone. Experiment with times of day, places in your home, and try to tempt him by being the one in control. Wear an outfit you think would drive him crazy, spend a lot of time on foreplay, and slow down your lovemaking. He may just need a change of pace to help him break out of his shell. Have fun trying!


Join The Conversation
georgie2 georgie2 9 years
OH dear, this is a topic I feel strongly about, except that I am the quiet party. Bleeping hell, if I have a problem I'll say something, bringing up how quiet I am just makes me self-conscience and everytime I do make even the littlest sound I feel like a fraud.
PinkNC PinkNC 9 years
Have you simply asked him about it? I mean you did say you didn't know why.
juliemyjewel juliemyjewel 9 years
rk dub- try banging back on the walls (pardon the pun). My neighbors would bang on the walls while my BF and I got it on...until I banged back on them! hehehe, haven't heard from them since. I mean, it's not like it lasts for 2 hours every time (and if it does I feel sorry for you! ;P), your neighbors can just deal with it!
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
Has he always been quiet or is this a new thing? If he has always been a quiet guy, I wouldn't worry about it.
kfish kfish 9 years
I always assumed that because guys generally start masturbating while they're living with their parents, they've trained themselves to be quieter so nobody will hear them and that it carried into sex. That's the case with my boyfriend, anyway. But usually, if I start making more noise, he does too.
jenstar jenstar 9 years
gosh.. i have this same problem! Thanks for asking... but I guess it's gotten better. =]
rkdub rkdub 9 years
Ok, I have to admit I make NO noise myself, but that is because I spent YEARS living in apartments with paper thin walls and neighbors who would interrupt by banging on the walls, floor, ceiling, etc if it got noisy.... that and roommates. My ex boyfriend used to be SO loud and it would drive me crazy because I was always having neighbors complain. AND, I have had neighbors who would put on quite the show EVERY morning, and I got soooo embarrassed after having them do that one morning while my mom and dad were trying to fix breakfast I decided that I would never be like that. So, I have been trained to be quiet. Plus, I like to just relax and enjoy and not worry too much about making certain sounds or whatever. So, I would totally not worry, it is SOOOO not a big deal! He may just really be concentrating on how great everything is! Don't pester him too much about it though, you are going to get on his nerves with will give him a complex!!!!!!
Emiily Emiily 9 years
My boyfriend is quiet too, but I am VERY loud. I emabarass myself sometimes, he loves it though. I bet it would turn me if he was a little bit vocal though. I'll try something tomorrow night ;)
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
:ROTFL: DarkRayne!
DarkRayne DarkRayne 9 years
Or wear a britney spears mask that will make anyone scream.
xmeghanx xmeghanx 9 years
How about buying a Candy Striper Costume or maid costume to excite and surprise him!!
theboyslover theboyslover 9 years
i agree it must be really weird. i'm concerned it will get boring for u though. doesn't seem too exciting when its all quiet.
TrinityOne TrinityOne 9 years
As long as it is good...
Marci Marci 9 years
As long as everything else is good in that department, try not to worry about it.
laura1867 laura1867 9 years
maybe he's concentrating on holding his release...u know?
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 9 years
DearSugar's answer is pretty much spot on. I had the same sort of guy in the past, and I just made sure he was enjoying himself as much as I was. Eventually he started getting a bit more vocal, but it wasn't much. I too felt really weird about it, but you just can't let it get to you. I suppose there's always a deviation from the norm...
arrhythmia arrhythmia 9 years
try talking dirty :D
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