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You Asked: My Boyfriend Is Too Affectionate With My Friends

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating just shy of two years. He is a hugger, he hugs friends and family, and I have no problem with it, it's actually something I love about him, however what I do not like is that once he gets acquainted with my girlfriends, he kisses them on the lips! It makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I'm not sure what to do. Some of my friends don't allow this and will turn their heads so he kisses their check, which makes me feel even more awkward. I did at one time tell him this was not something I felt comfortable with and I hoped that would be that, but that was six months ago! What should I do? — He's Too Affectionate Amanda

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear He's Too Affectionate Amanda,

If your boyfriend's actions — no matter what they might be — make you feel uncomfortable, you must tell him to stop. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel incredibly awkward about my boyfriend kissing my friends on the lips too, especially when it's clear that some of them are put off by it. Hugging is a nice gesture, sure, but kissing on the lips as a greeting technique most definitely crosses the line.

While I'm sure he has good intentions, it's high time to be honest with him about the way his kisses make you feel. If he doesn't understand your rationale, ask him how he'd feel if you kissed his guy friends on the lips hello and goodbye — I'm sure that will stop him in his tracks!


Join The Conversation
Eyeofthebeholder Eyeofthebeholder 8 years
As already mentioned, the concerning aspect is that he is disregarding your feelings on this particular issue. While I would personally be offended by such a behavior, perhaps he was raised to show an overabundance of affection. I would have a nice long chat with him about this. To look on the bright side, he's not alone in such mannerisms; the Obama's and Biden's have kissed on the lips on numerous occasions. Perhaps it's the new "hello."
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i think that sometimes it's really key to have conversations about what you like or don't like and this is one of those things that you HAVE to tell him about. if your friends don't like it and you don't like it - either he has to adjust his actions or you need to get rid of him.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Thanks, k8. I try.;)
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
HAHAHAHA RockAndRepublic I think your way would be the most
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
Wow, that is unbelievable inappropriate and disrespectful to you.
kristyy kristyy 8 years
It's time to stop being polite and tell him to stop it immediately! If he thinks this is normal, tell him to read this post. Maybe ask one of your girl friends to slap him next time he does that and have her make a scene, like asking him where the heck does he think he gets permission to kiss anyone on the lips besides his own gf. I'd totally do that for you if I knew you. Then my man would follow up with a punch in the face with a "Try that again and you'll get a kick somewhere else." Seriously, your bf is going to get some ass kicking if the girls' boyfriends knew about this.
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
Are you sure it is affection and nothing else. Does he do it to the guys too? If he does the kissing to both the guys and girls I would be less worried. If he does it to only girls.. then I am not so sure what his intention is. You just don't kiss someone on the lips, cheeks is also crossing the line a bit but still could be socially acceptable. Lips no way. You also made it clear to him that his actions made you feel uncomfortable, after you guys talk, what was his response to your concerns? Did he say "screw you?" or "It is just the way I am?" Either way, he either stop or he needs to go see a psychologists to discuss his behavior as it is crossing the line and affecting your relationship.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
Ounch! Rockandreplublic! That will hurt
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
She needs to just b!tch slap him, there, that'll end it.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
Ok, it's not a big deal if he comes from a culture that does that to greet people, that's not creepy or weird or strange or bad...everyone in the world is not like the U.S., good grief!! It is a big deal, because you already asked him to stop b/c it bothers you. He obviously now has no regard for your feelings at all. I would maybe talk to him about it once more, and make sure he knows you are very very serious about it and why. After that, if he doesn't make an effort to change, you get to decided if you want to stay without someone who doesn't care about how you feel.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
Well girls, we seem to all agree European people don't do this! It kind of makes me laugh out loud in a way, you know he would make such a good character in a sit com. It makes me think if Jerry that show was full of men like this!
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
Bottom line: ITS CREEPY and your friends probably HATE it... sooo tell him to knock it off for those simple reasons :D
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Lmao! To me, being European might only imply that they'd have no issue kissing another man on the cheek. But that's all.
missyd missyd 8 years
I dont care what culture he is..... Welcome to America. Keep your lips to yourself
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
Oh..someone here has said if he's European it might explain it, Well..i am not sure on that, I guess if you are spanish then it might be kind of normal cause i know spanish people are affectionate and this may be how they greet each other (though all spanish I know don't do this)
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
One word, STOP! He needs to know women do not like this. I mean this is a very creepy behavior as sparklestar has said. The only people I see doing this are gay men. Straight men don't do this. They know it's way too much.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Why does he need to do this? How ... urgh... creepy.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Are you $hitting me? Punch him and dump him!
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 8 years
wtf...not only would i be totally uncomfortable, but i'd be so embarrassed. i can totally see a couple of my friends slap a man who kisses them on the lips out of no where. that would teach him.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
Um....I would say to him "Look, have REALLY got to stop kissing my friends. NOT COOL"
yadiet yadiet 8 years
okay, I stopped reading this as soon as I read he kisses them on the lips!!!! WTF??? :MOB:
geebers geebers 8 years
I also wondered about his culture. Regardless- as everyone said- he still needs to respect you and of course the culture he is IN not where he came from. If he doesn't stop I would seriously question if this is a decent guy.
CYL CYL 8 years
Is he European? Even French Canadians only do the side cheek kiss thing...they don't do the lip kiss. That is wierd. And I agree with Dearsugar. Anything that makes you feel should talk about with your bf..and he should address. You should bring it up again and explain more emphateically that you are bothered by the whole issue and it is NOT ok. If it keeps doing this again...time for some serious thinking on your end about a guy that disregards your feelings liek that.
Colleeninator Colleeninator 8 years
I was about to say, unless he's European, that's not okay. And then I thought about it, and even if he IS European, he needs to respect what you are and aren't okay with. Which is obviously not kissing your friends on the lips. I agree with missyd. Red flag.
Colleeninator Colleeninator 8 years
I was about to say, unless he's European, that's not okay. And then I thought about it, and even if he IS European, he needs to respect what you're okay with. Which is obviously not kissing your friends on the lips. I agree with missyd. Red flag.
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