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You Asked: My Boyfriend Wants to See My Friend in Her Bikini!

Dear Sugar--

Recently, my boyfriend has been bugging me to set up a day at the beach with our group of mutual friends. He brought up the topic so much that I asked him why-- and he admitted sheepishly that he wants to see one of my friends in a bikini!!! I feel horrible now, since she's built just the way he likes his women-- large breasts, tight little tush, and great lean body with glowing skin. I feel doughy and uninteresting in comparison. The thing is, I've never thought about this before he brought it up. Now I feel very insecure and can't even imagine being at the beach with him or my friend this summer. Do you think he's wrong or insensitive for telling me the truth--that he finds my friend attractive? How can I get over this? Or should I just avoid the beach and the whole issue?

--Feeling Insecure Izzy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Feeling Insecure Izzy--

I would be upset and angry too! How would he like it if you told him you were attracted to one of his friends? This is more than an attraction though, since it sounds like in a way he wants you to set up a group date with her. I'm sure she would be pissed if she knew the truth too.

It sounds like this guy is not very loyal or respectful to your relationship. His eyes and attention should be on you, and you only --definitely NOT on your friend's boobs in her bikini top.

Women have enough problems with the judgments, insecurities, and criticisms we give to ourselves and we don't need or deserve having anyone else add fuel to the fire. If your boyfriend isn't appreciating the wonderful person he has right in front of him, then you should find someone who does! In other words, say NO to the beach day idea!


Join The Conversation
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
Please listen to us all... You're worth more than that.... Don't settle for his bullsh*t.. There is someone who will crave to see YOU in a bikini~ This guy has no concern for your feeling and that's just not right.
demonkitty18 demonkitty18 9 years
kh312 kh312 9 years
seriously if i were you i'd dump him a.s.a.p.but before i'd dump him i'd do some reverse psychology,like i would seem interested in one of HIS friends and see the reaction.
Vdogg Vdogg 9 years
wow that is sooo dump-worthy & i can't believe this guy has you thinking it could be YOU who's wrong in the matter!!
designergirl designergirl 9 years
Break up with the asshole.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
Jerk. I think you're under-reacting to this. You don't deserve his crap.
haydee haydee 9 years
I can't believe he even admitted to you why he wanted to set up a gathering at the beach. You are better off without him!
Chica8a Chica8a 9 years
he made a HUGE ASS of Himself... lose him if he isnt worth the time... you can talk about it and see where it goes..
Pink_Lipstick Pink_Lipstick 9 years
Dump him NOW! He's not worth your time.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I really hope your boyfriend is under 15. In any event, the fact that he's nagging you to get him around your friend in a bikini is just creepy. You can do better!
ALSW ALSW 9 years
What a jackass!
divalicious23 divalicious23 9 years
This post makes me laugh. Sorry but it really does. Your boyfriend is acting like a school kid. I have no idea how old he is but sorry it's something you just don't tell your girlfriend. It's insensitive and it's stupid. If I were you I would start looking for a new boyfriend.
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
If you're not the type of girl to argue about it, you could always slyly get your point across by saying something to the extent of: "only if you invite your hott friend __namehere___. I really like his toned arms ...I'd like to see his abs!" ...if your bf doesn't have that model body of course...
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
EWW what a CREEP! What was going through his mind when he asked you that! That's really insulting and nasty..not only to you but your friend. I really do hope he was joking because if not, I dunno how you can stand to be around him knowing he's sharing THOSE thoughts with you and whoever else! That was HORRIBLE of him to make you feel that way!! (even if he doesn't know it does, it was still rude to point out that he wants to see your friend at the beach) If my boyfriend ever said that to me, there woulda been a HUGE argument!!!
LaLa0428 LaLa0428 9 years
Sorry Girl but your he's an a**. NEVER let anyone make you feel bad or insecure about yourself!
PrissyLilBadAss PrissyLilBadAss 9 years
Okay, if he saw her in a bikini and made a comment about her having a nice body, that would be nothing to get upset about (though would still spark some insecurity). The fact that he's trying to get you to set up a time for him to see her in a bikini is absolutely ridiculous!!! Get rid of that guy. He's definitely the kind of creep that is only going to break your heart. Sounds like he has a lot of wild oats to sow and a lot of growing up to do!
katlovesclothes katlovesclothes 9 years
1. Find a picture of David Beckham in his itty-bitty speedo online. 2. Copy. 3. Bring image of Becks to local Kinkos. 4. Have said image blown up to poster (possible larger-than-life-proportions) 5. Pin somewhere conspiculous where boyfriend will be sure to see, above the bed, shower or on the back of a door. Unless he is extraordinarily dense (no offense, he sounds phenomenally immature) He should get the idea! 6. Then, DTMFA! Find a better-looking guy who can make Becks look doughy by comparison and live your new, dumb MF boyfiend life!
98769876 98769876 9 years
Wow, this is so outrageous. I am so glad I don't have to deal with some asshole like this. What a fuckin' prick!
hills hills 9 years
i agree with all of dear sugar, what a pric, i do think that if he makes u feel insecure about urself, u can find somone so much better. u dont want to spend ur life feeling like shit coz hes a perv and over ur friend of all people. i think u should just do what makes u truly happy and if that means dumping him so be it. its fine to like how somone looks but if hes trying to set up somthing like that its a bit weird and a step too far.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
I do like that you boyfriend is honest, but there are something’s you should not be open about! Your boyfriend made the big boo boo thinking he was talking to one of his guy friends about his little fantasy instead of his GIRLFRIEND! I know my guy sometimes looks at other women with a thinner body, bigger boobs and a tight butt than me. I look at guys too. I am more than comfortable with our relationship to toss him the Victoria Secret catalog. Of course this makes me hit the gym harder but still at the end of the day I would hope my guy wants to see ME in a bathing suit! But I know he won't tell me point plank that he wants to see MY friends in a bathing suit! What your guy did was wrong and you need to tell him. He wants YOU to set a day where he can see YOUR friend running around half naked? NO thank you! You need to have a serious talk with this guy or worse find a guy that wants to see you and ONLY you in a bathing suit. No beach day and maybe start getting fatter friends. (I am kidding on the last part!) I hope you can work this out sweetie. Good Luck.
Greggie Greggie 9 years
I think it's insensitive to ask that way. However, my husband and I are very open about which friends of each other's we find attractive. The idea itself wouldn't bother me (nor would it bother him if the roles were reversed) but being asked to set up a meeting specifically for that purpose is rude and insensitive.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
thats totally outta the line. how would he feel if u do the same thing to him? i would dump him cos i cant live with the insecurities..
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
The good news is, your boyfriend is the honest type. The bad news is that what he confessed to is beyond ridiculous. I have no doubt that most/all men will scope out other girls in the same way I scope out other guys, which is to say that I can admire a nice one. However, your BF has taken this a few steps too far. I would feel HORRIBLE if my BF said something like that to me. And he would no longer be my BF.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Excuse ME?! What a jerk! What, your going to set a day at the beach so he can flirt and check out your friend? um no......please do yourself a favor and get rid of him. He obviously has other things on his mind!
kaelin kaelin 9 years
Maybe you should hit the gym and try and get in better shape if you feel so insecure?
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