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You Asked: My Boyfriend Won't Spend Thanksgiving With My Family

You Asked: My Boyfriend Won't Spend Thanksgiving With My Family

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and this Thanksgiving will be our first one together. We've already decided that I'm going to go home with him in December to spend the holidays with his family and I just assumed that we'd spend Thanksgiving with mine, but he made up all these excuses as to why he can't. He said that he doesn't want to hurt his mother's feelings, that he's never missed a Thanksgiving in all his 27 years, and that his grandmother is not going to live forever. Also, his guy friends from high school will be home and they always play football the day after Thanksgiving.

I was so excited to have him spend this holiday at home with my family, but he's being so stubborn about it. I haven't missed a Thanksgiving yet either, and I always help my mom cook dinner and bake her famous pumpkin pie. My friends from high school will be home too and I was so looking forward to having them meet my new man.

This is really bugging me. I don't want to spend Thanksgiving apart, but I don't think it's fair that we go to his family's house for both holidays. What should I do?

—Torn About Thanksgiving Tiffany

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Dear Torn About Thanksgiving Tiffany,

I agree that since you've been a couple for so long, it wouldn't feel right to spend the holidays apart. It sounds like your man made a decision on his own, and didn't take into consideration your feelings or wishes, and that's pretty selfish if you ask me. I don't think he meant to hurt your feelings per se, I think he's just stuck in his ways and possibly having cold feet. To a guy, spending Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's family is a huge deal. It means that you two are getting really close, and when you get close to a girl and to her family, people start asking questions like, "When are you going to get engaged, or move in together?" I'm sure he does want to be with his family, for all the millions of reasons he's mentioned, but mostly, I think he's probably really nervous to be with yours.

With that said, I still don't think that nervousness is a good enough reason. It's time to have a big talk with him about this. Be honest about how you're feeling, and how much this is upsetting you. Tell him that you don't want to spend the holidays apart, and now that you're a couple, you make decisions as a couple.

Is it possible that you guys can set up a compromise? Maybe you can spend Thanksgiving Day with your family, and the next day you can drive to see his family (so he won't miss his football game). If that's not possible because your families are too far away, and he won't budge about this, then you've got to think about whether this guy is a keeper or not. I mean if he's not listening to you, then he's not taking your relationship as seriously as you are. I hope you guys can work this out. Good luck Tiffany.


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