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You Asked: My Ex is Still Part of my Present

Dear Sugar--

Lately I can not get my ex fiance out of my head. We have this connection because we have a son together who is five years old. When we see each other, we always kiss and hug each other, sometimes we even have sex. Neither one of us are currently in another relationship and I have asked him numerous times if we can try to get back together but he says he doesn't know if it could work given our history. My question for you is should I let him go or stay hoping and praying that there's a chance we can make it? It is driving me crazy, it consumes my mind. Please help. -- Optimistic Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Optimistic Olivia --

It is very clear that you and your ex still have a deep connection, especially because of your son, but unfortunately Olivia, the only way you will be able to see clearly about this relationship is by distancing yourself from each other. He has been honest with you (in his words - not his actions) that he doesn't have faith in your relationship working out so while I understand you still have feelings for him, you're going to have to put a stop to the physical aspect of your relationship ASAP. When exes continue to be intimate with each other, there's no way to differentiate between being broken up and being together -- someone is bound to get hurt and that someone sounds like you.

Since your ex knows you want to give your relationship another go around, he is completely taking advantage of you by giving you false hope with hugs, kisses, and sex. Tell him that if he doesn't think it will work out between you two than he has to respect your feelings and back off. I'm sure it feels good to be affectionate with him while you're in the moment, but you're just hurting yourself in the long run if he can't give you what you want and deserve. Put your foot down and hopefully he will see what he is missing! Good luck.


Join The Conversation
Chica8a Chica8a 10 years
I agree with VMRUBY's advice 100%
Lila-Fowler Lila-Fowler 10 years
Please don't get any more emotionally involved than you already are. I think you should definitely be good friends for the sake of your child, but no more than that, definitely no having sex. He is keeping you from going out and experiencing new things-- cutting all romantic feelings off from him will be hard- but you need to, in order to feel right.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years
if he gets the milk for free why would he buy the cow??? keep it friendly but not too friendly...the only hurting if your so called relationship sours will be your kid.
Marci Marci 10 years
It's always really tough when one party still wants to give it a go and the other doesn't. You're only making things harder for yourself by sleeping with him. Go ahead and give him a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug when you see him, but no more than that. This guy is making out like a bandit getting all the goods from you, so that has to stop. Just pull the plug on that aspect of things. It won't be easy for you, but it's the only thing to do.
auddie auddie 10 years
You have to stop sleeping with him!!! You are making it much harder for you to move on from him.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree with Dear Sugar 110%. Of course you have a connection with your ex, but at the same time you guys are friends with benefits. It's sad but true. It may seem fine and dandy now, but someone is going to get hurt in the long run and I have a feeling it will be you. I know you are hoping to get back together with him, and maybe someday you will, but if you keep on being physical with him and he get together with another woman, you are going to be REALLY hurt. Good Luck Sweetie!
vmruby vmruby 10 years
Your so called relationship is going absolutely nowhere. You seriously need to move on with your life.Quit giving him a free ride(no pun intended) and show him the door unless you like to be taken advantage of which is exactly what he's doing.Your only involvement with him should be about your child and nothing else.
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