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You Asked: My Ex Talks About Other Girls

Dear Sugar--

My ex-fiancé and I are still friends. He called off the wedding 5 years ago because he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, and I really did. We've both moved on with our lives - he lives in another state and and I'm actually engaged.

Being friends has worked out for us so far, but ever since I told him I was getting married, every time we talk, he tells me about the other girls he's dating. I know he's just trying to show me that he's moved on, which is great, but I don't really care to hear all the explicit details, ya know? It's kind of immature.

I'm not jealous, I'm actually happy he's dating, but now our relationship is so one-sided because he's always talking about himself. We used to be really close and talk about everything, and he has never once asked me about my life or my upcoming wedding. He talks non-stop about what's going on with him, and then he says, "Okay, gotta go." Any suggestions?

--Moved On Maureen

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Moved On Maureen--

Well, you may not be jealous of him, but he is definitely jealous of you and your happiness. Maybe he's regretting the fact that he called off the wedding and gave you up. Or maybe it upsets him that you are engaged, and he's not. On the other hand, maybe he feels comfortable enough to talk to you about his new relationships and he values your advice.

Whatever the reason, since you are so close, do you think you can talk to him about how you feel? Friendship is a two way street so tell him that you love that he's dating, but he doesn't need to go on and on about the specifics. You can also subtly try to share some info about your life and your wedding plans and see how he takes it. If he's constantly changing the subject, call him out on it. Ask him flat-out, "Does it bother you when I talk about this?"

Remaining friends with an ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé is really difficult because they'll always be your "ex." It's normal to talk about your own personal relationships with other friends, but when you bring it up with your "ex" it can come across as either a slap in the face or a way to prove that you've moved on. You may find that it just becomes too difficult to communicate on the friendship level, especially on a daily or weekly basis and you may just naturally grow apart. If speaking up doesn't help, you may have to let this friendship sizzle out. Good luck Maureen.


Join The Conversation
Marci Marci 10 years
Demeter cut through it all and brought it down to the bottom line. If that's all you're talking about at this point, stop talking to him. What's the point?
katlovesclothes katlovesclothes 10 years
Repeat after me: "Whoa cowboy! I'm glad you are having fun with every filly in the field, but unless you want to hear the new one about me, the crop and the mad, bad black stallion that slipped this gorgeous gazzillon-dollar stone on my orgazmic lovely little hand, you're going to have to stop now or ride off into the sunset already!" I think, he'll laugh sligtly uncomfortably and get the idea. I also (gently, i mean this in the best, most generously hhonest way) think you are overreacting ever-so-slightly at his immaturity and just need to authoritatively speak up to benefit ALL parties!
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
Hello! He is jealous! You are OFFICALLY moving on now. When you were just dating...there was tiny chance things could happen between you two, now that you are getting married....there is ZERO chance. Of course he has to show off and say he is dating so and so. He needs to somehow match what you are doing. I have to agree with the other girls and suggest that maybe you cut ties him and move on.
la-vita-bella la-vita-bella 10 years
considering he's an ex, i think it's best to cut off ties with him. wanting to stay friends is so common but in my opinion, exes are the ones who know you really well, and to have moved on with the relationship but still try to keep a connection is one of the hardest things you can do.
cravinsugar cravinsugar 10 years
he's totally jealous! you must be a great person if he still isn't over it!
melda melda 10 years
why you should talk to him then? i think you shouldnt talk with him if he has nothin else to talk about with you
tinaseay tinaseay 10 years
You guys need to put some time and space between you. Some things take more time than others to completely heal and this is one of them. Stop trying to force and old friendship and focus on your upcoming life with you new husband. In time, you may be able to see each other in a different light and become the friends you long to be.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
Forgetting about the fact that he's your ex, he doesn't sound like he's that great of a friend. I wouldn't stay friends with someone who was only interested in hearing their own voice on the phone, ex or not. I dunno - based on your letter it doesn't seem like you really value each other as friends - it seems more like you just want to keep up with each other. Which is fine, but it might not be worth the angst.
theboyslover theboyslover 10 years
I'd tell him about himself, asap!
stopitgirls stopitgirls 10 years
In my experience there is very few times that a man and woman can be friends without any feelings involved. You may have remained friends to stay in the 'comfort zone.' If he is behaving this way its obvious that this friendship can not continue. It may be hard but move on.
demeter demeter 10 years
Then stop talking to him. If you two have nothing to talk about other than his girlfriends, you shouldn't be talking.
sofi sofi 10 years
He is completely jealous and possibly still has romantic feelings for you. Up until you were engaged to the new guy, he may have thought he still had a chance or something (even if you both wanted different things and he called things off at first). This is not a 'friendship' you have with this guy is he refuses to acknowledge you are really getting married to someone else. Let it fizzle with him like Dear said- and DON"T INVITE HIM TO THE WEDDING- unless you want a scene. (I feel like I just commented on a similar situation, no?)
kurniakasih kurniakasih 10 years
I have an ex-bf who's like that. :lol: Relax, he's just trying to hide the fact that he's jealous that you've moved on. Not exactly jealous of you--still hold strong feeling for you--jealous, maybe. After all, he must feel a certain attachment seeing you're his ex-FIANCEE, and now you've completely moved on with a NEW FIANCEE :) So he's trying to one-up you by mentioning intimate details of his new relationships. Or he's trying to just show you what you're missing. :) Yeah, it's all about the ego. He may not want you back, but his ego wants you to feel regret. Sadly...that it's going to be hard to be TRUE friends with your ex. I found that with my ex-bf I mentioned above. He felt like he needed to impress me (not because he wanted to be reunited with me, I think) as if he's trying to get me to regret breaking up with him. He went all out to boast about his new conquests and their great sex, while I was pretty reserved when it comes to my hubby. So I had to limit communication, from phone calls to finally once-in-a blue moon polite friendly e-mail (which is probably once every year or so) So yeah, if you'd like, you can continue on this type of friendship where you've become basically a place for him to pour every sexual conquests/dates/women he'll ever have while he'd refuse to listen about your success or even ordinary normal stuffs regarding your new relationship...Or, you can try to limit communication because it seems like talking to him irks you because of his inconsiderateness.
Iris1000 Iris1000 10 years
Relationships: What goes on is always really something.
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