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You Asked: My Friend Is Flirting With My Husband

Dear Sugar,

I have a girl friend who has never really had the best of luck when it comes to relationships. She has ridiculously high standards which end up scaring men off. Over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed that she's been calling my husband. Now, my husband has helped her out before by fixing her computer at our apartment, and since then, she's been flirting with him! At her birthday party last week, she even tried to feed him chips in front of me! At my son's birthday party, she was throwing inappropriate looks at him, to the point where my mother noticed. For Christmas, she wants to buy him a shirt and even texted him to find out what size he wears. There are a couple of more things I could bring up, but I think I'll stop there.

My husband is by no means attracted to her whatsoever, in fact he's quite annoyed by all this. I told him to say something to discourage her the next time she calls, and he has no problem with this. The problem is, I know if I speak up and say something, she'll deny everything and make me look like the stupid one for "assuming" something is going on.
We are supposed to be hosting a Christmas party at my apartment this Sunday. I'm afraid that I'll see more of her antics towards him at the party in front of all my family members, and I'll be devastated. At this point, I think she's desperate for male attention, so she's latching on to the first person she sees which happens to be my husband. We need to nip this in the bud immediately, but how do I go about doing this without offending her?

—Completely Annoyed Anna

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Completely Annoyed Anna,

I don't blame you for being upset with your friend's behavior. As innocent as her flirting is in her mind, it's bothering both you and your husband, and she needs to know that. It's time to tell her how uncomfortable she makes you both feel and how inappropriate her behavior is. The best thing to do is be open and honest with her before you blow up at her. She needs to know that she's crossing the line and if she gets mad and tried to deny it, simply point out specific examples. You've got to set some ground rules for her and let her know that contacting your husband is just NOT okay. I don't think you should worry about offending her because if she's a true friend, she'll understand how you feel and she'll tone down her inappropriate behavior. If your little chat doesn't help, this woman clearly isn't as good of a friend as you thought.

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eastcoastgirl eastcoastgirl 7 years
She is no friend! Sorry!
diLyn diLyn 9 years
A friend of mine tried to charm my ex-bf and i understand where you are coming from. When some beeyat*h tries to do that.. it means she is jealous and insecure..ABOUT YOUR LIFE. She wishes you are her and wants what you have! I think you are too naive and kind to let that happen to you. What i did was, i confronted her and my ex to hear both sides of the story and i left her feeling really devastated with my sharp words and how shameless she is to destruct our friendship. I am still friends with her, but she knows i would never treat her the same way i did, she still feel bad about it.
tmenotte tmenotte 9 years
She might be desperate for male attention but it does not giver her the rite to hit on your husband. If she is doing this she does not sound like a very good friend. You need to tell her as politely as possible to stop. If she does not get the point then you need to drop her. Plus if she makes you think you are making it all up in your head then she is trying to divert the blame. Trust your instincts! Women know how to pick up on these things especially when it comes to our husbands!
emmebeth emmebeth 9 years
Stupid catty behavior towards a friend's boyfriend is bad enough, but towards a HUSBAND???? Come on! How old is this chick? Un-invite her to the party and have a serious talk with her.
1cigarrette 1cigarrette 9 years
Honestly, i have NO idea why you're even remotely worried about HER feelings, or why you should be worried about getting HER a man. I don't care what her excuse is, this is simply ridiculous. And as for your husband, its not that he should be rude to her but honestly in the chips incident or any type of OBVIOUS flirting... my guy would probably say something like "Oh no... my love will whip me if i allow someone else to feed me" and laugh it off... just so that she knows that he KNOWS she's being flirtatious and that he is not interested. And just let me add this... my boyfriend and i have had to deal with flirting from other people a lot during the last 3 years but the basic rules (they work) are as follows: 1. If someone flirts with me... its MY obligation to stop it... 2. If i don't think I can stop it... or after several attempts he won't stop... I MUST tell him to help me out (even if it implies talking, arguing or even punching... in a guy's case) 3. Honesty is key. And this works both ways. Make sure he tells you if there have been other attempts so that when you approach her you have a good case.
Meike Meike 9 years
She is no friend to you. Immediately cut her out of your circle.
EatYourVeggies EatYourVeggies 9 years
What?! Who cares about her feelings? Call the ho out.
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
This girl is NOT your friend. Let her know how you feel and walk away! Scandalous. If I saw someone feeding my man chips, she'd better hope she was wearing running shoes!
blondewithbangs blondewithbangs 9 years
While i totally agree you need to drop this girl you need to question your hubby too! Not that i think anything is goin gon but WHY is he letting this bitch FEED HIM?!?! If he is so annoyed why didnt he tell her to stop, or walk away or laugh at her or say "my wife is the onlyone who hand feed me lady!" ??? Uninvite her. Tell her that her behavior is totally unaceptable and then tell your husband to grow a backbone so you dont have to fight his battles for him.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 9 years
ok I just read the header to this blog and all I have to see it. Beat that beetch with a bat. There is no way on earth I would let my "friend" flirt with my husbnd, I would call her out on in front of everyone and put that beetch in her place quick. That is beyond wrong and I would make her feel like the slut she is. The end! Now go tell her about herself!
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
my *friend* does this to me sometimes and I shut her down HARD. he called my phone once and she picked up my phone while I was in the ladies room and DAMN! When I heard he giggly and in her flirty voice, I grabbed the phone out her hand, told my bf I'd call him back and flat out said "you dont answer my bf's calls, got it? he's calling ME, not YOU. back off!" obviously, shit led up to this explosion, but she got it and doesn't say peep about my man. My bf doesn't go along with her at all and is disgusted by her hitting on him. She's a good person and we can get along when we hang out and talk, but she now knows that when it comes to my man, hands off pal! It's become a mutual thing. Don't let her push u around by hitting on ur guy.
The-Grizz The-Grizz 9 years
Holy sh*t are you kidding me? Why do you let this happen? You should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago. She apparently has zero respect for you... I am mad for you. I don't even think you should be nice about it. My boyfriend's brother's gf (whew) is like this to all the men in his family...but not because she wants them but because she wants them to want her. Confidence issues I think, but either way, she would sit in my bf's lap or his dad's lap. She would joke about her boobs that were pushed up painfully high. And just cock tease all the men. My boyfriend was a good boy though and made a point to avoid her and even call her out. And pay her absolutely no attention at all and she eventually got the hint and chilled out. Plus I made a few bitchy comments here and there. Maybe your friend is single because she is attracted to married men. And because she is a homewrecking slut. :D
SugarKat SugarKat 9 years
I think that this is more complicated than simply breaking it off with your friend. She's lost and stupid about men. Something similar happened with one of my friends and my husband...she didn't have a boyfriend and wanted what I had with my husband. Granted, she should've tried to find it with someone else, but flirted with my husband anyway. He was flattered b/c he really doesn't have women flirt with him, but nothing ever came of it. She found a boyfriend and everything was fine. Don't let yourself look like a fool in front of her by allowing her to flirt with your hubby at your party, but don't let her alone with him either!!! I really don't think that she's trying to move in on him. She just feels comfortable with him and likes to feel good about herself. Your husband should tell her to quit it the first time she tries something at your party...
Liss1 Liss1 9 years
If shome skank was feeding my husband chips believe me she would have ended up with broken fingers! Why did you put up with that? get rid of her. She said he fixed the computer at their house not the friends house, i noticed people made comments about him going to the friends house.
LadyP LadyP 9 years
Uh, why are you still friends with her? I had a friend who liked to flaunt her breast implants in my husbands face and I completely cut that crap out. Don't let her do that to you and your husband. It makes your husband look cheap for allowing her to do this stuff when he's married to you and it makes you look weak for not standing up to her.
dragonbaby dragonbaby 9 years
I agree that this woman isn't concerned about offending you in the least so being worried about offending her shouldn't be the highest priority for you. Your man might be annoyed by her attention since it bothers you but I would also bet he's a bit flattered by it as well. The absolute best way to nip this in the bud is to end the friendship with her. She has crossed a line. If you can't bring yourself to end the friendship I'd say meet her for lunch prior to the party with examples in hand and let her have it with a no nonsense "I'm not kidding about this BACK OFF OF MY HUSBAND" approach and tell her you will not put up with it any longer. If you appear wishy washy or are willing to back away from your examples it will never stop. And in the long run, if she can't stop herself from flirting with your husband you don't want her around anymore because all it adds is stress to your life to be around her.
onesong onesong 9 years
hahaha some of these responses are funny (and totally appropriate). doll, i vote go with Marci, and i vote to go with the ladies who say disinvite her to the party. call her up and say "i'm going to have to request that you don't attend our christmas party because you've been acting completely inappropriately towards my husband. i tried to let it go because you haven't been having luck with guys, but the feeding him chips incident was over the line." and get off the phone. if people ask why she's not there, simply say "she couldn't make it" and change the subject. good god.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Omg that is soo annoying. Tell her to knock that crap off.
Marci Marci 9 years
Nip this one in the bud and call her on her behavior fast. And don't worry about 'offending' her, because she isn't worrying about offending you.
LovelyLady8 LovelyLady8 9 years
i don't know about this. i too have a boyfriend that when things like this happens.. he feels if he says something that it will fuel the fire and make the girl or whomever more likely to continue. i think that you should say something to your friend in a joking manner that will hit her like a ton of bricks. i would say we gotta find you a man so i don't have to share my husband anymore! like joke around. say something that will catch her off guard but don't take it too seriously. are you sure that your husband is not responding to her or ANYTHING? i can't see how a woman would do something like this. maybe she just feels really comfortable with you guys! whatever the case is.. i would DEF think about your plan before sitting her down and attacking her with the info. i would try to say something jokingly and i think she will get the hint and cool off. just my thoughts tho!!
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