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You Asked: My Friend is Obsessed With Her Chest!

Dear Sugar--

My friend is absolutely obsessed with her chest size. She's no more than an A cup, but I think she is beautiful the way she is. I tell her this all the time, and I point out all the awesome outfits she can wear braless, plus she has a boyfriend who loves her and her small chest, but her insecurities about it are making her jealous and suspicious when it comes to his faithfulness. Granted his ex girlfriends have been a different body type than her, but they are still EX girlfriends, so it's obvious that they weren't cutting it.

She really wants to get plastic surgery, but I'm afraid she's putting too much faith that breast augmentation will change her self esteem. Surgery is only a temporary fix for a major self esteem issue. I can't even help her because I'm a 32 E, and anything I say doesn't register. I just don't want her to make a decision that could possibly be very dangerous. How can I help her see how beautiful she is?

--Concerned Carrie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Concerned Carrie --

It's great that you are being so supportive in trying to help your friend see how beautiful she is on her own. Plastic surgery is a huge deal and there can be many complications during and after the surgery, which I'm sure is why you don't want her to go through with this. Plus, you're right, getting this kind of surgery is not a sure fix for all your insecurities.

If telling her how perfect she is on her own isn't working, maybe you can fill her in on what it's like having big breasts. You can remind her how hard it is to find shirts and dresses that fit when you're bigger breasted, and how much your boobs hurt when you exercise or get your period. In addition, breast implants feel and look different than regular breasts and if you have an augmentation, you can run the risk of not being able to nurse your baby if you want to, or you can lose all sensitivity.

If she does decide to get the surgery, she'll meet with a plastic surgeon that will go through all the medical risks. When she finds out how much it will hurt, how much it will cost, and how long it takes to heal, she may have second thoughts. If she still wants to go through with it, and being small-chested upsets her that much, having this surgery might really make her feel better about herself and if that's the case, it's her body and her decision. All you can do is continue to be the supportive friend she needs.

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theclapmaster theclapmaster 8 years
I love my new boobs :] My rightie tightie is called Hector and my lefty loosey ;} is named Lucy. I feel like a real woman now!! I don't care what anyone says, you aren't a beautiful woman unless you have at least a C cup. Stop lying to yourselves. I mean, it's only a few thousand dollars till you can be a major hottie. Free if you join the Navy in australia, that's how i could afford mine!
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
In our culture, flat-chested girls look SO much more elegant and classy. I have always loathed being a C-cup because they were that size by the time I was 12, so you can imagine the horrifying, unwanted male attention I got. I actually wanted a reduction until I went to college and realized having boobs wasn't totally awful. But if I had the choice, I'd definitely go with flat-chested and thin rather than the curvy, ridiculous hourglass figure I'm stuck with. Big boobs are a curse. Unless, of course, you have chosen to get implants, which are designed to be light and perky. Unfortch "real" big boobs have a natural shape and can hurt. I think your friend's main problem might lie with her insecurities in her relationship and within herself, honestly.
viridiana viridiana 9 years
I have no complaints with my breasts whatsoever... They have the perfect amount, but I always have to wear a bra, and I kind of dislike it... I rather wear a top or no wire bras... I love, for example, that Kate Hudson has almost a flat chest and she doesn't need to wear a bra most of the time, also girls flat chested looked amazing and so elegant with large cleaveges. I had a friend who had implants and she suffer a lot with pain...
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
bandages.... 32 E is my specific size... I have measured by several different lingerie places... But proportion wise it's basically a 34 D... altho 32 E has the better fit...
rmwallis rmwallis 9 years
I am the administrator of three Cosmetic Surgery Clinics. We see a lot of patients with your friends concerns, and we also see a lot of friends like yourself. It is very important to be knowledgeable about the breast augmentation procedure including all of its risks. However, it is more important to pick a Board Certified Plastic Surgeon. There a lot of Ear, nose, and throat doctors preforming plastic surgery today, and that is a scary thing. So, your friend needs to come to terms that this procedure is not going to work a miracle for her self asteem if she's having other issues masked by her breast size....you are definately right about that. However, if her breast size is truely her only hangup, then certainly having this procedure preformed will make her more self assured! If you visit www.plasticsurgery.org you will find a list of Board Certified surgeons in your area. Also, I would be most willing to answer any questions as well. There is a lot to consider when having a breast augmentation. One of the things that a lot of surgeons neglect telling the patient is that the procedure will take an extreme emotional toll on their body. Patients experience an emotional rollercoaster in most cases. The reason being: the pain and soreness, the swelling, hardness, and deformation of the breasts initially. Meaning, the breasts are not "pretty" as I like to say until about 2 months after surgery when they have settled and all the swelling has subsided. During those first two months they will look pointy, be setting very high on the chest, and feel very hard. After those two months, they will have settled in to a nice pocket, became softer, and the swelling should have deminished completely. It's both a physical and emotional healing!
bandages bandages 9 years
How do you have 32E's? Oh my goodness.
FB1977 FB1977 9 years
LOL Bella I love it! My BF doesn't care either...and tells me I would look ridiculous with huge breasts (I'm pretty petite). It does suck though cos I always have to wear a bra, and it NEEDS to be padded.
ReverendZelda ReverendZelda 9 years
I've had the opposite problem. When I was in highschool I discovered that guys really only cared about my chest, and it's really affected me ever since. Guys would stare at my chest, and try to get me into dark corners to fool around with them, but when it came time to actually talk to me in public, they wanted nothing to do with me. I started to feel like the only value that I had was my chest and that I was basically totally worthless. It took my husband to snap me out of it. I still have body images because of this and rarely wear tight clothing.
hokie-girl hokie-girl 9 years
Bella, I am also a card carrying member of the I.B.T.C. Although at times I wish they were bigger, my husbands thinks they are sexy the way they are and says I "wear them well" which is a nice compliment coming from a guy who has always been big boob guy.
nicachica nicachica 9 years
i second that! LOL Bella! :)
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
:rotfl: Bella!
soberness soberness 9 years
i'm too rather flat (A-B cup) , and used to have this issue . i got over it , and adopted another image . i stopped obsessing over the 'curvy' figure , and decided skinny would do better for me . skinny can be incredibly sexy if you ask me - i love it . nyways point being - work with what you've got , nothings sexier than that . if a guy dumps/cheats on you because of that , he is an ass and isn't worth it anyways .
Daisy6264 Daisy6264 9 years
Carrie you sound like a good friend.
Beauty Beauty 9 years
It sounds like your friend may have insecurities that go beyond her cup size, especially if she's suspicious of her boyfriend's fidelity. I think one of the hardest things in life is learning how to be accepted with all of our qualities and flaws (and perceived "flaws" such as having a small chest). Her boyfriend can praise her small chest all he wants, but until SHE feels that it's beautiful, nothing will change. Sounds like you are being a good friend by telling her that she's all right as she is. Keep doing that! Sincerely, Staff Sergeant, I.B.T.C., Division 30A
doowop doowop 9 years
I'm totally fine with someone getting implants, but i think there is never a good enough reason to put your body through so much just to look "good". Its saddening that there will never be a way to erase the unreasonable body images in the world, all we can do it begin with our own kids and try to give them a fresh start. While someone might look or feel more "attractive" with bigger/smaller this or that, your friend doesn't need the negative sexual attention with disregard to anything else that makes her wonderful.
mizlynz mizlynz 9 years
I do agree that surgery is a serious thing for a superficial answer to what is obviously an esteem issue, but if she goes through all the necessary steps and still feels like she'd be happier with a bigger cup size, then it's ultimately up to her. I will say that if she's doing it because she thinks it will make her more attractive to men(that's kind of how I read into it...you can tell me if I'm wrong), then her reasoning for wanting breast augmentation is horribly flawed.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
If she's accusing her boyfriend of being unfaithful based on breast size, then it sounds like you're right and she has issues beyond someone who would just be happier with a change in a certain part of their body. That said, your friend is an adult. You've told her what you thought, and she just doesn't agree. Sometimes you have to just accept that people will do what *they* think is best and that may not always be what *you* think is best.
Beaner Beaner 9 years
I hd a friend with the OPPOSITE prob- she was a 34 DD and hated her boobs nonstop. She eventualy had breast reduction surgery and has never been happier.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
I'm a 32A/34A/32B... (I've always been small but I've been putting on weight since college started so I'm up half a bra size or more. I'm kind of in-between sizes, which can make bras a bit of a pain.) and I love it. My boobs may be more on the small side but my bf loves them and I've never had a problem with any other guys before. In fact, virtually all my male friends vote against fake boobs because... well, they're fake! Guys really don't care; it certainly seems that your friend's bf thinks they're pretty great just the way they are. I hear that augmented breasts lose sensation and don't warm up after sex. Also, that it can go terribly wrong and look awful afterwards. Make sure she really gets as much information as possible about it and whatever decision she makes is an informed one.
Berlin Berlin 9 years
Truthfully, nothing you can do or say will make a difference. It may pacify the situation temporarily or make her feel a bit less insecure, but when it comes down to her in front of the mirror in her own body, other comments boasting her beautiful shortcomings won't make a difference. I used to be a small B and got implants, though everyone told me how miserable I would be, how heavy they are, how they can hurt backs and you have to wear a bra...but you know what? I am a 32D now, and I still don't have to wear bras:) So now I get to have the great beautiful chest, look killer in bathing suits, and still get to wear a tank top sans bra. I can even go to the gym and a spinning class and only wear a sports bra so that I can take it off a shirt and sweat it all out. And I couldn't be happier with my additions and would never, ever go back. I wouldn't want bigger tho! Never getting into a DD+, that's just not me. But what they can do for a girl's self esteem is just uncomparable. So if she wants them, then be there for her, but tell her to get on the forums and do lots of research and get support, b/c she'll be miserable for weeks afterwards and even hate them for months (and she'll be normal for feeling that way too!) Good Luck!
wiciltd wiciltd 9 years
I have had this conversations with many girls..I was a DD by the time I was 14.. and I am now an H cup.. And even tho we can tell people what it's like to have big boobs.. they're heavy (Mine weigh about 15lbs there's abouts), they knock things over, they get in the way...I haven't seen my feet when i stand up since i was 14.. and finding a bra that fits? I don't even remember what that's like.. Especially since they're like $60 - $100 for a good bra.. But fake boobs are lighter.. perkier.. and don't require as much support.. The fact of the matter is.. No matter what you do to your outside.. If you're not happy with who you are.. No amount of altering is going to change that..All you will do is pick some other flaw to focus on and obsess about..
oriav9 oriav9 9 years
I have many friends that have this same problem. I always tell them even if they do not want to here it, that they need to feel comfortable with what they have. ThePerfectScore, U are a very good friend, trying to find a way to help your friend. Take care. hope everything works out well.
rosey_y rosey_y 9 years
As a formerly (very) small-chested girl I would just like to say that whenever anyone tried to tell me having large breasts was annoying/painful it would fall on deaf ears. If you don't know what it's like to be a flat chested adult woman, you can't possibly understand. Now I have a nice set of 32Ds and I couldn't be happier. :-) There's a difference between having *small* breasts (which I would've been happy with) and having *no* breasts. If she falls into the latter category and is otherwise a responsible person who generally makes good decisions then it's up to her if she wants surgery or not. That's not to say she shouldn't take it seriously though - there's a lot involved in the process. Also, I believe silicone gel implants have now been approved in the US - these feel a lot more natural than the saline implants. I purposely got mine done at a time when I had no guys in my life to influence my decision in any way. I was well and truly healed before I started dating again. The new girls are very well loved my new boy, but that's a nice side effect, not the reason I had them done. If your friend has issues with her boy, I hope she's able to discern her feelings of jealousy towards her boyfriend and her desire for a larger bust.
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
Thank you so much Dear Sugar! I'll try to approach her that way. I just hope she makes the decision that is right for her, because I love her to death!
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