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You Asked: My Guilt Is Overwhelming Me

Dear Sugar,

This issue has been bothering me for a couple of weeks now, and the guilt has been absolutely eating me up inside. A couple of weeks ago, a few friends of mine all got drunk (myself included) to celebrate our guy friend's return for the weekend. He has been dating a girl that I know for a few months, but he and I have always had a sort of thing for each other. That night we got very drunk and to make a long story short, we ended up sleeping together. He also told me that he'd been sleeping with another woman while he was away from home and from his girlfriend. I feel absolutely terrible and haven't told anyone about this. I can't seem to get over the guilt I feel and it's destroying me — I feel shameful and I'm scared that if this gets out, everyone will hate me. I'm at a complete loss as to what I should do, and I really need some advice. I've learned my lesson with the drinking and haven't had more than a glass of wine at most, but I know the damage is already done. Please tell me what to do! — Regretful Reagan

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Regretful Reagan,

Looks like you've gotten yourself into quite a situation here. You haven't given me much information about your friend's girlfriend, but since the guilt is taking a real toll on you, the best advice I can offer you is to come clean with what happened. It's pretty clear that he is not a very trustworthy guy — not only did he cheat with you, but he told you about other women he's slept with while being in a committed relationship — so perhaps it's time this woman knows the truth about her boyfriend.

What you did was no doubt wrong, so if you're concerned that everyone will hate you if they find out, just think how they'll feel if they find out months down the road, or from someone else. The way I see it, you have two choices. One, if the girlfriend is someone you consider a friend, and if you think there is a real possibility that someone will get wind of what happened, you tell the truth and hope that she appreciates your honesty. Two, if you don't really know her all that well, and if you're pretty certain no one will find out what happened, talk to your guy friend about how you feel in hopes of getting some of the burden off your chest, and just keep mum. Either way, take this as a lesson learned. Being the other woman is just as damaging as cheating yourself. Only you know what the right decision is, so listen to your gut on this one. Good luck.


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