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You Asked: My Husband Doesn't Trust Me!

You Asked: My Husband Doesn't Trust Me!

Dear Sugar--

My husband had trust issues in his previous relationship and there was a situation toward the beginning of our relationship. I thought we had gotten past it and we were recently married 7 months ago. A few days ago he looked at my email and is questioning me and thinks I am cheating. I am not doing anything of the sort and he has not spoken to me for 4 days. I don't even know where to begin with him. I'm lost. How do you even start to repair the problem when someone is not even talking to you? Most of all, how do you rebuild trust in a relationship when one of the two has given up ALL hope to rebuild?

--Lost and Helpless

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Lost and Helpless--

It's tough to deal with a present relationship when one person is holding onto something that happened in the past. There's obviously no way you can heal the scars of what your husband experienced with the person he was with before you. Whether he was emotionally hurt, lied to, cheated on, or betrayed, he'll always be thinking in the back of his mind that your relationship could end the same way. At this point, all you can do is focus on getting him to realize that you and your relationship are nothing like what he experienced in his past.

I know he doesn't want to talk to you right now, which makes figuring this all out tough, but give him a little time and room to think. Once he's ready to talk, you can continue to reassure him that you are not cheating on him. Explain that you are in love with him and that you respect him and your relationship immensely. Tell him that you consider the wedding vows you made to one another to be very sacred, and you would never do anything to betray or deceive him.

The fact that he doesn't trust you is going to tear your relationship apart. He should know that if he continues to snoop around, searching for "proof" that you're betraying him, your marriage could quite possibly end in divorce. I would see if he'd be willing to seek couples counseling. Talking to a therapist on his own would also be a good idea so he can get past the idea that he can't trust anyone. Good luck!


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