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You Asked: My Parents Won't Accept My Relationship

You Asked: My Parents Won't Accept My Relationship

Dear Sugar --

I am totally in love with my girlfriend who is 16 years older than me, (I am 28 and she is 44) but my parents do not approve of our relationship because of our age difference. My girlfriend and I have a deep understanding and we love each other regardless.

I am planning to spend the weekend with her in Miami, but my mother is trying to force me to cancel my tickets and forget her. This upsets me very much. I want to share my happiness with my parents, but I can't because they do not approve.

I want to marry this woman some day, but my parent's approval is very important to me. Can you please help? --Torn Thomas

To DEARSUGAR's answer,

Dear Torn Thomas--

We all want our parents' approval no matter how old we are, but the fact of the matter is, you're a grown adult. Your mother cannot "force" you to do anything anymore, especially cancel a trip with a woman you obviously feel very deeply for, so have fun in Miami!

You need to have a serious talk with your parents and let them know that you have real feelings for this woman and plan to spend your life with her. Tell them you very much want their approval, but the grief they are giving you is making you extremely upset. Has your family spent much time with her? Perhaps if they got to know her a little better they would see how much happiness she brings to your life.

If your parents continue to refuse to accept your girlfriend, then you ultimately need to decide if you are willing to sacrifice your relationship with your family to be with the woman you love. Hopefully you won't have to choose between the two, and in time, your parents will learn to accept the woman you love despite your age difference. Good Luck!


Join The Conversation
andaman andaman 10 years
Give them time darling. They will come round. Spend time with your parents also. Don't blank them.
bugness bugness 10 years
Well said, tify. -Bug
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 10 years
While I dont think age really matters you do have to think about whats going to happen years from now , and at thay point age may matter. While your parents have no right to tell you who to love and who not too , they also care a great deal for you and look out for your best interest and may be thinking of that themselves . I wouldnt cut out your family or give them any sort of ultimatum - because family will always be there and relationships come and go- Just try to help them understand that right now in your life you feel that this woman is right for you and how greatly you love her. It may take a long time for them to understand , but if you love this woman as much as you say it will be worth the fight and they will finally see it for themselves. Just remember be easy (but strong )in your approach you only have one Mother and Father and you wouldnt want to say or do anything you may regret , you never know what could happen tommorrow.
yrschatool yrschatool 10 years
If your family is close and wants you to be happy they will respect your choice in a partner and wouldn't put you in this position. You should tell them that this is not something they have a say in, not an ultimatum at all; just not their place to say anymore than they already have. There comes a time when we grow up and realize that as much as we love our families our choice of a partner is up to us. I'm sure this won't be the only time in your life you and your parents are aren't on the same page. I think your mom is treating you like a child they might need a reminder that your all grown up now.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
Bugness, you hit it right on the head! i feel the same way since i come from a really close-knit family as well.
bugness bugness 10 years
I think I'm seeing a side of this that not many others are. It's not about seeking your parents' permission at all, and I doubt cutting them off would solve anything. It's obvious that you love them and probably respect their opinion (most of the time)... but when it comes to having another person that is very close to you and could become part of your family, they aren't giving you the support you hope for. But I do agree that you need to talk to them about this. Don't tell them to "butt out" and create an un-needed ultimatum, but make your intentions known, and make it clear that you're very hurt by their actions and words regarding the woman you love. I come from a very close-knit family, and I know how much it would hurt if my dad didn't approve of the man I'm with. But no matter how much I love him, I love my dad just as much and would fight every step of the way in order not to lose either one. You CAN have both. Ultimatums are for quitters when it comes to love vs. a close family. -Bug
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
parents need to butt out. do not discuss any options with them if you want them to respect this relationship; she is your life and you are a package deal. if they don't want to respect the relationshp and your partner then they can go without seeing you; end of story w/ nothing else added.
honey31 honey31 10 years
You are an adult they need to mind their own business!DOnt let anyone discourage you form being with her it is youre life and you are a grown man!
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
I agree with all of these comments. You are an ADULT, let your parents know you appreciate their concern for your well-being, but don't let them push you around! You have the right to live your life as you please, and if this woman makes you happy and you have a healthy relationship, then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Trixie6 Trixie6 10 years
I agree with Popgoestheworld. My ex-husband is 16 years older than I am. It was really hard for my Dad at the beginning of our relationship, but as they got to know each other my Dad mellowed out. My Mom & Dad still keep in touch with my ex via e-mail.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
At 28, do you really need your parent's permission to go on a trip? Your parents had their chance in life to pick their mate, and now it's your turn. Obviously parents can have good advice about suitability, but if the objection is only to age then too bad for your parents.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Dear is right time to be a grown up and have the talk with Mom and Dad about your decision to date someone older. Give them a chance to get to know her if that doesn't work you will have to make the decision between family and girlfriend.
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