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You Asked: Are My Sexual Habits Normal?

Dear Sugar,

I was in a long-term relationship for nearly five years. Things were very tumultuous and we finally called it quits just over a year ago. It was a bad end, and I've had a challenging time getting over it. In fact, I still don't feel like I can even really process it and have yet to open up to my friends. I haven't dated in a year or had sex since we broke up. Instead, I've been masturbating once almost every day. I don't think my friends masturbate that much, and it's not like me too either. I'm concerned that my behavior isn't healthy. Is there something wrong with me?

— Concerned Crissy

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Concerned Crissy,

There is no limit on what constitutes a normal frequency of masturbation as it can greatly vary from person to person. A far greater concern than the number of times you masturbate per week is whether or not your level of masturbation or need for self-pleasure is affecting your daily life. In your case, it doesn't sound like your sexual habits are necessarily impeding your ability to remain functional; however, I'm concerned that self-pleasuring might be taking the place of dealing with the pain you have yet to process from your relationship.

I think it's time to reveal your feelings about your past to your friends and yourself. Look into talking with a therapist who can work closely with you to delve into some of those darker places. And don't be shy about bringing up your masturbation practices either. A therapist can help you figure out if this new habit is OK for you or if it's a manifestation of some of the issues you have yet to grapple. Most importantly, recognize that the sooner you can begin working through the past, the sooner you can start feeling better.


Join The Conversation
Girl101 Girl101 7 years
Its nice. I don't do it everyday but once or twice a week is nice to have some me time to enjoy my body. Don't get me wrong I definitely prefer my man on a regular basis but it is nice to be touched the way only I know how to touch and not have to worry about his pleasure.
plasticapple plasticapple 9 years
"Better then doing it with random guys." Hey, there's nothing wrong with long as you're safe! I think it's completely okay to masturbate every day.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Better then doing it with random guys.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
Don't be. M is fun. enjoy =)
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
Why would it be bad to masturbate to make yourself feel better? Isn't that the point?
designerel designerel 9 years
who's to say how much is too much? unless you're obsessed with masturbating and do it every minute of everyday, i don't see the problem. you're completely normal.
kia kia 9 years
If you aren't ready to come to terms with your break-up and issues of intimacy with another person then you are right to get your luvin' elsewhere. Handle your business and deal with finding satisfaction from someone else when you have healed enough to cope with another relationship. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself... we are taught to be super taboo about it. As long as it is not disrupting your life it is all good.
Blackwood Blackwood 9 years
As long as you enjoy it, why should there be anything wrong with it? And as far as your friends concern... you don't have to be like them to be normal or feel good. Plus, unfortunately, there's still a lot of women who think female masturbation is something no normal or something to be ashamed of, so most of them will not admit to do it even when they do.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 9 years
Let me tell you something: When I go ONE day without sex, I masturbate. And, if I dont' have a boyfriend to keep me satified, I Masturbate roughly once (sometimes on a rare occurance) twice a day! PM me if you want :)
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
Well, you do it because it feels good right? It's not actually a problem until it bothers you or disrupts your life, but Dear might be right in that it sounds like you're using it as a coping mechanism. Whether or not it is can't be answered by us.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
I say enjoy your self-love, buy some toys and just have fun! As for whether your friends do it that much, who cares? It's really no one's business, and even if they did do it frequently, as if they would admit it to you anyway. I think what you are doing is much better than sleeping with random guys-oftentimes this isn't even sexually fufilling for a girl anyway. I think that being unable to get over your breakup is a separate issue, but it might really help you to open up to your friends or someone you feel comfortable about it, just to deal with your sadness and then move on. Good luck to you.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I think Dear is right. There is nothing wrong with actually masturbating unless you're using it to cope or to make yourself feel better. There is definitely nothing wrong with masturbating every day, I'm sure a lot of people do.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I think your behavior is healthy. Physically, it's good exercise. Also, I think it's okay to enjoy your sexuality, and to have a relationship with your body in that way. Your sexuality is YOURS. Enjoy it. When you're physically intimate with someone else, you happen to be sharing your sexuality with another partner (likewise your partner with you), but bottom line, your sexuality is YOURS. Furthermore, if I were you, I wouldn't compare your sexual appetite with anybody else's. Everybody has a different sexual appetite. What's normal for them, may not be normal for you, and vice versa. It's inaccurate to compare.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 9 years
Well, unless you've asked your friends, you can't really assume they're not doing so just as frequently. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if they did. It's just one of those conversations that never happens, so don't fret over what others may or may not be doing. If they act differently, it doesn't mean what you're doing is bad.
Meike Meike 9 years
'Normal' differs from person to person. Nothing is wrong with you doing it daily. Nothing is wrong with your girl friends doing it less frequently.
Berlin Berlin 9 years
As long as you are doing it because you want to orgasm, there is nothing wrong with it! Mighty healthy indeed:) If you are doing it as a way to not think about other issues or are using it as an escape or emotional substitution (like when people are depressed and eat away their emotions or drink) then that is when it becomes a problem. So just make sure you are doing it b/c you are all sorts of turned on and want some explosive ends:)
TheMissus TheMissus 9 years
There's nothing wrong with it! Good for you for doing it! But I agree with SarahPUFFY... You need help in figuring out how to heal and get over your ex.
xoxoxx xoxoxx 9 years
There's nothing wrong at all about masturbating on a daily basis. What's bad is that you're still grieving over the spoilt relationship with your ex. Talk to someone - a counselor, therapist, family member, or friend - and ask for help. They'll help you heal the wounds.
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