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You Asked: My Sisters Hate My Boyfriend

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating this guy for some time now, and I'm in love. My sisters, however, don't seem to want him in my life. They loved him at first, but after a year and a half, they suddenly hate him. They make it impossible for me to be around them together, and it's gotten so bad that I don't even want to have him with me when I'm with them. We are very family oriented and I haven't been able to find a happy medium in dividing my time. I've told them that I appreciate their concern — they want me to focus on college and avoid all distractions — but I need them to stop making things harder on me.

He's been understanding, but now they're starting to get to him, too. I love him very much and so do my parents, but my two sisters are doing whatever they can to push him out of my life. They're both married, so I really don't understand why they're so set on messing with my love life. I can't help but be hurt and frustrated by what they do and say. How can I balance both without choosing a side?

— Torn in Two Taylor

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Torn in Two Taylor,

I find your sisters' sudden change in feelings towards your boyfriend rather strange, and I wonder if there's something deeper going on here. Perhaps they feel like he's taking you away from them or maybe they've seen a side of him that you haven't. Whatever the reason, you should be able to spend time with both your boyfriend and your family without so much angst, stress, and worry.

Start by sitting down with your sisters and asking directly what it is that they have a problem with — concern about school is not a valid reason to treat your relationship like this. Keep an open mind and hear them out; there might just be a reasonable explanation. Once you've given them the opportunity to validate their behavior, let them know that all their negativity is only serving to make your life harder and you less inclined to spend time with them.

I'm sure your sisters love you and want what (they think) is best for you. All you can do is ask for their respect, and hope they can trust you enough to let you make your own decisions. If they really can't support you then at the very least ask that they are courteous to your boyfriend when he visits. Balancing a relationship and family is always hard, especially when there's any kind of animosity. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend and your sisters, but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself either.


Join The Conversation
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
I agree with most people, it sounds like your sisters know something you don't. Talk to them about it, there's really nothing else to do, except wonder forever.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
Naw...that muthaf*cka did something. you just aren't gonna like someone, and then BOOM, i hate you. they probably won't tell you because you might be one of those girls who you tell the dirt to, and you get mad at the messenger. you know...those girls who are soo stuck on their man that nothing else matters.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
PS Californiagirlx7 You are definitely right, that does look like Haley. Naley forever haha!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
You have to talk to your sisters and see what their problem with him is. If they can't or won't give you a reason than you'll have to tell them to stop being this way. If they give you a reason you need to try and make them feel better about it. If they think he's taking you away from them make more time for them. You can always try and fix whatever is bothering them but if you can't you need to decide if you can deal with having less time with your sisters in exchange for keeping your boyfriend.
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
Yeah, your sisters definitely know something you don't. Ask them what it is. Know why I "suddenly" stopped liking my bf's brother? Because he got drunk and asked me to have sex with him, and then got really mean when I (obviously) shot him down. He's been a jerk ever since. I know he's jealous because he's 36, still single, and apparently incapable of a real relationship with a girl who's not married, engaged, or a teenager. But that's not my problem. If your sisters liked him before, there is a reason they don't know, and you should probably find out.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 9 years
I have 2 friends who are doing this to their sister and they are REALLY ANNOYING! I'm friends with all 3 of the sisters but it really is quite ridiculously immature and high school of them to hate on their sister's boyfriend so much because she is always nice to their boyfriends. BOO on stupid girl drama! :(
joesbabygirl joesbabygirl 9 years
I dont understand why they would just start hating him all of a sudden. Do they know something that you dont?
jaxon jaxon 9 years
I find it hard to believe they just "hate" him for no reason, especially when they used to like him. They may have valid points and they may not. You say they want you to focus on school with no distractions. Is your BF a distraction? Do you skip classes or have your grades fallen since you've been together? Is he in college as well? Just from that standpoint I feel like there is a deeper concern here and you PROBABLY already know what it is but refuse to see it because you are "in love". There was an obvious trigger and if you don't already know what it was you need to sit down and have them spell it out for you. Be open minded! Forget the fact you are "in love" and really listen to them. They may have valid points and they may not. I have an older sister who is SURE she knows whats best for me and most times she is right. Does not mean I do what she says (I normally don't) but I know what her issues are.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
Californiagirlx7 - I think it's the hair and eyes... but i also see Meg Ryan in her: the lips. To the poster: it's hard for us to give you advise if we don't know what your sisters' concerns are.
californiagirlx7 californiagirlx7 9 years
It seems like there is something more than meets the eye because I doubt that your sisters would randomly start hating him all of sudden. It could because you're blinded by love that you don't know the reason for the sudden tension, so you should sit down and ask your sisters about it. Maybe he did something to rub them the wrong way, or perhaps it something having to do with the way you act when you're around him. This is kinda off topic, but doesn't that girl in the picture sorta resemble Bethany Joy Galeotti (Haley James Scott) from One Tree Hill?
Meike Meike 9 years
So, is the only reason why they hate him because he is a 'distraction' from your studies? The topic is too vague. In any case, I'm pretty sure a broken heart is even more of a distraction from school than being happily coupled.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
Sit your sisters down, just you and them and ask them to list off all of the reasons they dont like your boyfriend. Discuss each point with them on your point of view and ask them to respect your decision to stay with him regardless of their problems. For all you know, he did something that turned them off of him but they dont want to tell you because they think it might hurt you more then just leaving him would. Get them to tell you what you're missing in this situation. If the issues aren't that big then just ask them, sister to sister, to cool it. Good luck
plasticapple plasticapple 9 years
What is it they don't like about him? Sometimes when your family/friends hate someone you're dating it's for a reason and you should listen.
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