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You Asked: My Time Is Running Out

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years, and living with him for the last year. He is wonderful and I truly couldn't ask for more. We talk about getting married and our future fairly often. I recently found out that I may have a hard time getting pregnant, and was told that the sooner I try, the better. My problem is that while we both know that marriage is in our future, I also know that he is not ready to settle down and have kids quite yet. We're both 26 and I typically would not be in any rush myself, but knowing that I may not have a chance to have a baby has made me very impatient, to the point where I am sometimes angry at him for not being ready.

He knows my situation and we've talked about having babies sooner than we had planned, maybe even before we're married, but part of me is afraid that if I miss out on my chance to have kids, I will blame him for it. I just don't know how to wait more patiently, and not take my frustration out on him. — Impatient Izzy

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I'm sorry to hear about the possibility of you having a hard time conceiving, but keep your spirits high as it sounds like there's still a big question mark around it. I'm happy to hear that you're keeping the lines of communication open with your boyfriend, but Izzy, no matter how impatient you become, I think it's really important to remember that having a baby with a man who isn't ready for such a commitment could blow up in your face. Since you know that marriage and starting a family is in your future, I'd try to be as patient as you can and stick it out a little longer. Although having a baby is something you've always dreamed of, isn't it just as important to have a baby with the man you love?

Since your yearning to become a mother is getting stronger, I suggest talking to a therapist about your anxiety. Harboring feelings of resentment for your boyfriend because he's being honest with you about not being ready isn't fair for either one of you. At the end of the day, if having a baby matters more than starting a family together, there are ways to make that happen alone, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're looking to do. Though I understand how frustrating it is to be on a different timeline than your significant other, laying on the pressure won't make him ready any faster. Think positively and hopefully he'll be ready for the next step sooner than later. Good luck!


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