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You Asked: My Wedding Day Wasn't Perfect

You Asked: My Wedding Day Wasn't Perfect

Dear Sugar--

I recently got married but I am having trouble getting over a couple of things that didn't happen at our wedding. We got married at a church on a military base. I had wanted so much to have the cross sabers (swords) as we walked out but it didn't happen. The guys that were supposed to do this were called to duty that weekend and they couldn't make it.

As we were about to enter the reception hall for the introduction, our photographer told us there was no DJ! We managed to find someone else and he followed our program but he didn't have a lot of experience. He was OK but I know the music could have been better.

Talking to my mother-in-law after didn't help either. She said if it weren't for her daughter singing, the wedding would have been a failure. Although I know these circumstances were beyond our control, but I feel as though we let our guests down. We didn't tell people what happened but when I heard comments I just swallowed hard. I feel a bit depressed sometimes and I hope this doesn't linger over me for a long time. Any advice?

--Let Down Donna

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Let Down Donna--

I know your wedding day is supposed to be "The Greatest Day of Your Life," but you know what, I'd rather have an amazing marriage over a perfect wedding any day. Try and think about your life with your new husband and how happy you are to have found a loving, caring person to be with for the rest of your life. Your wedding was just a party to celebrate the beautiful connection you've made, so try and think about the deeper meaning.

With that said, I can completely understand why you could be feeling upset about things not turning out the way you had planned. Try looking over your photo album to relive the parts that were great. Have your friends over to reminisce about how funny it was to see your grandma dance with the best man, or how sappy your brother's speech was, and talk to your husband or your girlfriends about how you feel - getting your feelings off your chest is bound to help.

While things weren't necessarily perfect in your eyes, I am sure all your guests had a great time and were honored to be able to witness your happy day. I hope this helps and congrats!


demonkitty18 demonkitty18 10 years
obviously you wanted a perfect day, but major events like weddings are never perfect no matter how well planned they are- dats just life- stuff happens but you must try and not let these things steal the focus from the stuff that really matters like yr marriage and this new journey you have begun with the love of your life. Let's face it, at the end of the day its a party in your celebration, you shouldnt be so worried about what other ppl think especially tht mother in law of yours, she sounds awful. Move on and focus on yr marriage, and maybe next time you can have a really great anniversary party!
Miami-Gal Miami-Gal 10 years
I too agree with the "get over it" part, but... I would understand if you were upset because you have a future to look forward of dealing with your M-I-L. THAT is what I would be upset with. I would also be concerned you are not ready to be a military wife. Trust me, those guys being called to duty was not to spite you. Regardless of the dig to our military, some of this country's best men are in the military. Who knows, maybe those guys being on duty saved a soldier's life who was due to be married to a waiting bride. I'm sure having her groom there would be her most treasured guest. I'm not going to say anything else regarding this issue. I used to answer these types of letters very harshly when I worked for a wedding consulting company. From dealing with complaints about humidity to people at the beauty salon "speaking Mexican" to the cleaner ruining the dress after the wedding. Go watch Charlotte's two marriages on Sex and the City and tell me...would you rather have the perfect wedding, or the perfect groom?
Greggie Greggie 10 years
I agree with "get over it." Yeah, it sucks when things go wrong. But it's over, it's done, and dwelling on it when there's nothing you can do to change it is wasted energy. It's ok to be upset, but I think still being depressed over it is over the top. Focus on the marriage.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I don't think any special day ever goes off without a hitch. The only bad thing that really happened is the DJ didn't show up. As for the saber thing I do agree that you need to get over that, I am sure your intent wasn't to sound self absorbed but come on the guys were called to duty did you really think that, that wouldn't happen. Your MIL does need to be popped upside the head. The day wasn't to entertain your friends it was to celebrate your new life.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I am sorry that things did not go the way you had planned it. Things like a DJ not showing up or guests not able to attend happens all the time to brides all across the world. Including when are in the military. Things happen no matter what and things do get ruined at the last minute. That is how military life works. As for the DJ, that is why it is so important to hire a wedding planner or day of services. The #1 reason why things go wrong at a wedding is due to poor planning or miscommunication. Here is an idea - if you are feeling blue about not having the perfect wedding, when why not plan another 'wedding?' I am not saying the whole big sha-bang again, but plan a big party on the one year anniversary wedding. Do a backyard bbq where you can wear a cute white dress, you can have your DJ, walk under the sabers etc. Make it fun event for the things that did not happen. Keep it casual and fun. Hopefully the comments will die down and you will be able to sink into the bliss of marriage. Good Luck.
badhabit badhabit 10 years
I understand the feelings in this situation. After spending so much time and effort planning the day it's hard when certain things don't go the way you planned. The important thing is to focus on the positive though-I am sure there were some aspects of the wedding that you absolutely loved and some moments that were amazing. If you focus on those moments that will be the ones you remember in 25 years. If you focus on the things that went wrong you might only remember those down the road.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
oh for ef's sake...get over it. shit happens and it usually happens on your wedding day. my photographer lost all my photos and my food had to be made by me and my husband the morning of the wedding. it was a stressful awful day but now we're married!! you're the wife now so be happy!! if it means that much to you go out on a date or something with your husband. girls with princess problems piss me off.
cams cams 10 years
I agree with it "get over it" too. Too many girls are obsessed with the perfect wedding down to the very last detail. But 9 times out of 10 something goes wrong and its NOT PERFECT and then girls freak out and feel bad for weeks after the wedding. Who cares?! Youre married!
robinm999 robinm999 10 years
I dunno, I kind of agree with the "get over it" comment. It sucks when things don't go your way, but weddings aren't ever perfect and now - you're married! You shouldn't be thinking about this stuff still. Is marriage going to be one big let down, too?
vmruby vmruby 10 years
Congratulations on your marriage!!!! :) I can sympathize with your feelings.For all the planning a person does to make sure everything is perfect(which is what we all hope for)sometimes things do go wrong(myself included).It's murphy's law.Dear's advice is dead on. Try to focus on the good things about the day and not so much on the bad.The best part of your wedding was that you married the man you love and you're going to spend the rest of your life with him.Focus more on that and you'll see that the other issues will not be so important anymore.
baby-ballerina baby-ballerina 10 years
i don't think the 'get over it' comment was nessisary. i agree with dearsugar.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
And it just goes to show lol that you just cannot trust the military for anything :le sigh: but you already knew that.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
I understand why you feel this way. But wasnt it an amazing day for just the 2 of you? Dont worry about what any guest think esp your mil lol My hubby and I didnt have the wedding of our dreams AT ALL there arent even any pics not one single picture. But like it was suggested about for our 5 year we are renewing our vows and doing it right. Im sure planning the second will take over any of the ill feelings. Good luck and Im so sorry this time around wasnt perfect. Kisses
Marci Marci 10 years
I can understand your feeling the way you do. You wanted things to be just right on your wedding day. But there isn't much you can do about it how it went, so you may as well learn to laugh at it. And as someone else suggested: Set a date in a few years to celebrate all over again - this time with the crossed swords and an experienced DJ. :)
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
the wedding isn't what is important; the marriage is. the comment about the wedding being a failure is ridiculous, and her daughter's singing "saved it"? very odd comment. the purpose of a wedding is to get married, nt to entertain guests or for the day to be "perfect". what is "perfect" anyway? is that where all your friends show up in matching brides maids dresses and the dj plays all YOUR favorite songs and you get all the gifts you signed up for? how about you had a grown up wedding, that is that you married the man you love, and who loves you and you had the first of many not perfect days in your marriage and you are now on to more important things.
msmoney23 msmoney23 10 years
Sorry, I would feel really disappointed too. Hey you could renew your vows later on and make the ceremony AMAZING.
Linny Linny 10 years
get over it
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I know this probably isn't your intent, but to me the letter sounds like your friends "let you down" by going off on duty to serve the country! And the fact that you can't get over that is just weird to me, like you can't see that your wedding is less important than them being on duty. I am sure you're not that self-involved but the email was pieced together in such a way that that's what came across to me. Anyway, in the scheme of things, having a flawless wedding isn't important. It's the marriage that matters. Don't take yourself too seriously - it's all been said and done and the important part is that you and your hubby are now married.
missro21 missro21 10 years
You may not have had the wedding you wanted, but set a year maybe in five or ten years and do it all over again! But more importantly, treasure your time with your hubby in case he is called to duty.
sass317 sass317 10 years
My hubby and I accepted the fact, way before the wedding day, that some things were going to go wrong. There is no avoiding it- its going to happen. But most of the time the guests have no idea; some examples At my parents wedding the photographer had been in a motorcycle accident the day before and was on some serious painkillers and not all the pictures turned out(they have been married for 30 years) At my in-laws wedding, the day before the wedding they found out the store where they were renting their tuxes had BURNED down and they had to find new suits(also married 30 years) One of my sorority sisters called to confirm with her florist and couldnt get in touch with her- come to find out the florist had been COMMITTED and was out of business, so she had to find a new florist I was a maid of honor in a wedding and one of the bridesmaids just didnt show up. Her dress was in the brides hotel room, so the bride threw it on another friend who was there and she stood in her place. Things are all things that make for great stories later and half the time the things that go wrong help you remember the day at all-since usually everything goes by so fast- keep in mind, at the end of the day you were married- everything else is just details.
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