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You Asked: One Night Stand

Dear Sugar,

I recently had a one night stand for the first time. I met him while interviewing roommates for my new apartment. It didn't work out as roomies, but he invited me to a friend's party a few weeks after our initial meeting. I showed up and we drank quite a bit. We started to make out heavily and before I knew it, we were back at my place having sex. This was totally out of character for me and I was mortified the next day. Much to my surprise, he ended up calling me a few days later asking me out to dinner. I went, but it was a bit awkward. The conversation was very one-sided (I asked questions and he talked about himself) and he seemed a little on the nervous side, though we went back at his place and made out again — this time no sex.

I can't help but feel a bit off about all of this. I have a feeling he was just trying to seem like a "nice guy," all the while trying to get some. I just got out of a really stupid relationship with a guy who I thought was my boyfriend but in the end, he just wanted regular sex, so I'm a little defensive when it comes to dating. While I admit that it was kind of my fault that I had the one night stand to begin with, how do I not paint that picture of myself even though that might be the picture he's seeing? I want something real, is that too much to ask? — Embarrassed Emily

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Embarrassed Emily,

Having a one night stand doesn't make you a bad person so try not to beat yourself up about it. While it may be out of character for you, take it as a lesson learned. I understand being guarded after a breakup, but look at your situation from an outsider — this guy called you and took you on a proper date! Before assuming the worst, perhaps you should see if there's any potential here. Sure, he could just be going through the motions, but if he wasn't interested, chances are he would have just never called again.

Asking for the entire package isn't too much to ask and you shouldn't settle, so if this guy doesn't give you butterflies, someone else will; you just have to be patient. But Emily, if you're just telling yourself that he's not interested as a way to protect yourself, realize that you're not going to get very far with walls up. Gaining trust back after a breakup takes time so hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself. You never know, this guy could end up surprising you!


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