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Stop Freaking Out If You're 30 and Single! You Shouldn't Marry Till You're Ready Anyway

You Asked: Is This Relationship Going to Work?

Dear Sugar,

I live over 3,000 miles from my boyfriend (he goes to school in New York, I go to school in Colorado), and well, it's difficult to say the least. We have a really good relationship for being so far away and I love him with all my heart, but I just don't know if it's wise to stay in this relationship and wait for him for four years to see if things will work.

We talk constantly about getting married, but he wants to save money and propose with the ring of my dreams. I could actually care less if we get married with rings or without, i just want to marry him. Should I be worried that he won't propose until after landing a decent paying job or is he putting off our engagement because he really doesn't want to ask me? — At a Loss Annie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear At a Loss Annie,

Something tells me that since you're questioning whether or not your boyfriend is worth waiting for, that you aren't as ready to make a life long commitment to him as you might think you are. Sure, long distance relationships are tough, especially when you're still in school, but if you're both willing to put forth the effort to make it work, meaning open lines of communication, honesty and a lot of travel, it can be done. My advice to you is to not sweat the future just yet. If it's simply too hard to be happy with the distance between you, perhaps you should cool things off until you're able to live in the same city. If you want to stay together, let him know how much you love him regardless of what kind of ring you wear.

Take a step back and listen to what your heart is saying. It's easy to get carried away with thinking about the future, but try to stay present and enjoy the relationship you have now. If you do end up together, you have your entire lives to be married so enjoy the fun of dating while you can. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 9 years
My friend married a guy that she met in Germany. so YES, it can work. It is up to you and him. Wait it out. if you need, see other people and then see each other when you are home. enjoy yourself and don't worry so much about the future. It will take care of itself!
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
Before you even consider getting married you two need to live in the same town and see how things go. If your going to get married most likely one of you will need to make a move anyways. So don't junp the gun. You won't truly have a good feel for each other until you spend a consistant amount of time the same place. In your post you didn't even say how long you've been together so I'm guessing the four yr wait is a long ways away!
bettyboutique bettyboutique 9 years
Naaahh don't rush it... gettin engaged is something you do not long before you get married. being engaged for 5 years in my opinion is just dumb... get engaged then start planning the wedding and get married. Both of you should get your schooling done and then worry about marriage and a house and what not. Your too young.
watereatsrock watereatsrock 9 years
trust me you will be over this relationship in a year tops.
DCRoamer DCRoamer 9 years
Just enjoy it how it is now; be happy that you get to visit NY every once in a while! It seems like a risky idea to be talking marriage when you are still in school and live so far apart. Maybe you should focus on trying to get jobs in the same city after you graduate, and then take it from there.
chakra_healer chakra_healer 9 years
Did I mention how much I wish you the best? No? Well I do! I was in a similar situation a few years back and I won't tell you the outcome, because your's should be unique unto you. :heart: :)
chakra_healer chakra_healer 9 years
Relax. Just go with it. You never know what will happen, so live and enjoy. Consider how fortunate you are to have found someone who loves you and you love them back - don't ruin that because you fear it will ultimately not work out. This is called life experience, good or bad, you will learn and grow from it.
ErieIndiana ErieIndiana 9 years
I agree with luckyme. Long Distance relationships CAN and DO work if both parties are willing, on the same level, and communciate openly. You have to be patient though! What's the rush? Don't you have the rest of your lives to live together? Good luck!
luckyme luckyme 9 years
I've done the long distance thing. It CAN work. Trust me, I married him. However, I was in no rush to get married. We were apart for 3 years (we did see each other in-between at holidays and such), he moved home in 2001, we moved in together in 2002 and here we are now, married with baby numero uno. It's not easy or fun, but if you really love him and want to be with him, you'll make it work. My husband put off the engagement for the same reasons. I wasn't itching for it like you are, though. I'm happy we waited as long as we did. It gave us a chance to build an incredibly strong relationship.
omilawd omilawd 9 years
It sounds like you just want to get married to be married. What's the rush? I'm with your boyfriend about waiting until he gets a good job. That's proof that he loves you; he wants to provide you with security and a decent life.
Marseeah Marseeah 9 years
You're so young! No need to rush into this - the two of you have your whole lives to be married, but only once to be in college and to truly enjoy your friends.
i-am-elle i-am-elle 9 years
Why isn't it wise to stay with him for 4 years? You're still in school! It's no time to get married, at least not in my opinion. Wait out the 4 years, finish school, try to make it work long-distance. Then go from there. I think you're looking too far into the future & you want to know RIGHT NOW if you're going to get married. That's not gonna work, hon. Be patient. You say you have a good relationship, so savor it for what it is right now.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
When you are in a long distance thing, you never truly even begin to have a true relationship because you are always in that constant state of "newness, honeymoon, gettin ta know ya" Phone talks arent substitutes for face to face. Dont rush into something, when you dont even know who he is really
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
sounds like u just want to get married. try someone else. or if u really DO love him, you'll wait. I'm iffy about u two being so far away. Been there, done that & it doesn't work. but like I said, you'll either wait for him or get married to someone else. Let him finish school (and u should too!). dont rush it.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 9 years
Don't rush an engagement. Its not worth it. Trust me. Just be.
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