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You Asked: Sex Makes Me Nervous

Dear Sugar--

I am 26 and just moved to a different state. It has been about 10 months since I had a girlfriend (and sex) and I am currently getting serious with a girl I have been seeing. I have had the problem for years getting extremely nervous the first couple times having sex with my previous sex partners, in which I would not be able to keep it going and lose my sail if you will. Now I have this stuck in my head that this is going to happen every time I start getting serious with a woman. How do I calm down? How do I prepare to get back into the sex scene since this break?

--Nervous Ned

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Nervous Ned--

It's totally normal to be nervous about having sex with a new partner. You should know that you're not alone. Everyone feels anxious, apprehensive, and excited the first time they have sex with someone new. We want it to be perfect in every way, and we often worry, "What does it mean if it isn't?"

If the first few times make you nervous with all partners, but you don't have problems with "your sail" after that, I wouldn't be too worried about it. If this is a continuous problem, it may not be nerves at all but a medical problem. You can talk to your doctor and see what treatments or medications they may prescribe.

If you're sure it's just nerves, try thinking about anything BUT making the sex perfect. If you get too caught up in your head, you're bound to lose concentration, which can lead to things going south. Tell your girlfriend how you want your first time to be, but be upfront about your fears and concerns, I am sure she has similar ones herself. You are both adults so take the mature high road and talk about it! Good luck Ned!


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