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You Asked: She's Bad-Mouthing my Fiance's Dad!

You Asked: She's Bad-Mouthing my Fiance's Dad!

Dear Sugar--

I went to visit my fiancé's family over the weekend for the first time since we got engaged. I was really excited to show off my ring and talk about wedding plans. His parents are divorced but live 20 minutes apart, so when we visit, we have to split up our time between them. They totally get along well, and have been re-married for quite some time, so it's not really a big deal (or so I thought).

His mother is a huge Cosmo drinker and by the time we arrived at her house Friday night, she had definitely started celebrating early. She hugged and kissed us and immediately started talking about the wedding plans.

Once we got to talking, she immediately started bad-mouthing my fiancé's father and his wife, saying things like "I love you more than your father ever could," and "I don't know what she even sees in your selfish father anyway," and "I'm the mother of the groom, so I get to walk you down the aisle, not your father and his bimbo wife."

I couldn't believe she was being so rude and malicious. My fiancé said just to ignore her, that she was obviously "hammered," but it made me feel really uncomfortable. Should I confront her about it or just let it go and chalk it up to one too many Cosmos?

--Engaged Elizabeth

To see DEARSUGAR"S answer then

Dear Engaged Elizabeth,

Yikes! Divorced in-laws can make things tough, so I am sorry you are in this predicament. If this was a one time Cosmo-induced venting session from your soon to be mother-in-law, then I would just let her ranting slide. Alcohol can bring out the best and worst in people although I do agree that her words were extremely uncalled for and rude.

If she continues to say inappropriate things about your fiancé's father and his wife in front of you, then maybe you need to sit her down and lay down the law. Tell her that her relationship and her feelings about her ex have nothing to do with you or your future wedding, and if she doesn't have anything nice to say, she should keep her feelings to herself. Chances are she is unaware that her negativity is affecting you the way it is, so explain that being caught in the middle is making you feel really uncomfortable.

She may be acting this way because she doesn't want to share you or her son with her ex-husband's family. Reassure her that you love her and will do your best to spend equal amounts of time with both sides of the family, but that you can't be two places at once. This is your special time to be celebrated so hopefully a heart to heart will do the trick. Good luck to you Elizabeth and congrats on your engagement!


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