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You Asked: Should He Pay or Not?

Dear Sugar--

My 36 year old boyfriend has been living with me since April of 2007. He retired at the age of 28 with a disability pension from an injury and lots of spinal surgeries. He has been divorced for 11 years and had been living at home with his parents until he basically moved in with me. He currently receives a disability pension and pays his ex-wife $700 per month for his 2 teenage children (14-17 years old). His children stay quite frequently, and they're great, but I end up paying for food and other things for them too. He has not paid anything towards ANY of my bills and this is draining me financially. I felt like in the beginning he really did not have anything extra to give me so I just never asked for money. He would occasionally pay if we went out to dinner, but I pay for everything else. I have several extra cleaning jobs and want the money to go into savings, but now I need those incomes to live. How should I handle this? Why is he like this? I do love him but, but can't keep paying for everything and supporting both of us. How can I ask him to move back to his Mom's?

Please help me. I am in a bad situation and want to be nice about it. I have a generous heart but now I am becoming resentful towards him and I don't know what to do.

--Giving too Much Mandy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Giving too Much Mandy--

It sounds like you have a very kind heart and want to help this man out, not only because you love him, but because you know he needs the help, but the thing is, you are giving way too much of yourself, both emotionally and financially, even giving beyond your means.

The only way to rectify the situation is to be honest with him -- tell him that you simply can't afford to support both of you and his 2 kids anymore. Although he has a disability, is there any way he can get a job where he can work from home? Let him know that if he wants to keep living with you, he must put money towards the bills or at least help out around the house. This is not a time to be a push over.

It may seem selfish, but you really do need to look out for yourself. This relationship is somewhat detrimental to your well-being because it sounds like it's one-sided. You are resenting him because you keep giving and giving, and you're not getting anything in return. His mooching has got to stop and it's high time that he moves out. Good luck Mandy.


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