Skip Nav
I Never Thought I'd Allow Myself to Be in a Physically Abusive Relationship — Until I Was in One
40 Disney Princess Secrets You Never Knew Growing Up
7 Real-Girl Secrets to a Happy, Blissful Marriage

You Asked: Should I Befriend My Frenemy?

Dear Sugar,

I created a Facebook account sometime ago and came across an old friend. We had a tumultuous relationship and she often times didn't see anything wrong with calling me a friend without treating me like one. She was selfish and rude to me. She hurt me too many times so I ended the "friendship." I was devastated, but I realized neither she, nor her friends accepted me in the first place. She seemed hurt as well, but had other people she could rely on.

It's been three years since our breakup and since my social life is currently in despair, I've been considering trying to rekindle a friendship with her. I'm nervous that I'm making a big mistake and I really need some advise on this. What do you think I should do? — Friendless Francis

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Friendless Francis,

Despite the fact that your personal life is in the dumps right now, I'm confused as to why you'd want to reconnect with someone that didn't appreciate your friendship when she had it. Your relationship sounded very one sided so while you might feel lonely, befriending her again might cause you more harm than good. Of course, the choice is yours, but I'd really weigh the pros and cons of rekindling this friendship. Meeting new people isn't always easy, but if you make yourself approachable, I don't see why you can't create new relationships with people that do accept you. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
theres no need to suck up to a person that didnt appreciate your friendship. go to you can find social groups in your area. i had a "friend" like that who just abused me as a friend. it was a fake love friendship, i only stayed because my best friend was friends with her so i put up with it. until that "friend" screwed over my best friend. that friend just decided to just drop me as well. i know i will never be friends with that girl again. i say grow a spine and run away from toxic people like that.
FashionLuvr FashionLuvr 8 years
No way, Jose! There are plenty of new people who will be your friend and actually treat you like one. Ignore this girl.
mix-tape mix-tape 8 years
I have a similar situation on my hands. Rather than having a lack of friends at this point in my life, I am simply reaching out to my once enemy in order to reconcile for my own peace of mind. I don't plan on having a friendship with her like we once had, but rather close any negative feelings I have about any one person. We live in separate cities now anyways, which is why facebook is also our main mode of communication. Maybe you want to friend her on fb just to not feel so terrible about whatever happened in the past, but I would not recommend befriending her with hopes of becoming super close again.
frostfromfire frostfromfire 8 years
i have a former "friend" of the same caliber. and while all of my friends stayed by her side and i chose to leave the group, i still hear stories of her treating them like shit. people like that rarely change. stay away. keep positive vibes in your life.
madelineannem madelineannem 8 years
There are other people who deserve you. You broke up for a reason. You've got to be friends with someone who knows what they have when they have you.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
Sorry but that just makes you look pathetic. Learn from me, I actually let those losers befriend me again, those pricks that treated me like sh*t throughout grade school and I gave them all multiple chance. Then they come back on facebook or myspace or wtf ever, and I say k, whatever, I'll accept the invite, then 2 days later, I realize they were jerks and know what happens then? DELETE, there's better people out there than those losers. Have some dignity. Even if you don't have that many friends or friends at all. I frankly don't have BEST friends really...don't really find a dire need for them. Don't a fake friend is no real friend.
PiNkY-PiNk PiNkY-PiNk 8 years
if you decide to proceed, go about it with caution. keep your guard up until you're sure she has changed for the better.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Why go back? make new and better friends. That bridge is burned.
LittleLady12 LittleLady12 8 years
I've been there, girl. Don't do it. I had a lull in my social life also when it seemed like every single one of my friends was moving out of the country. So I went back to one of my old friends who was such a bitch at times simply to have another person to go out with. The good news was that I had my old going out buddy back. The bad news was that her shitty personality had to come with! It lasted a few months, then I had to break it off again. It ain't worth it. Your friend will just go back to her old way and you'll remember why you stopped being friends with her in the first place. Run.
dalialia dalialia 8 years
I think it depends on how your relationship really went down. Are you so sure that she did everything wrong and you were such an angel? I had a friend who would probably say the same things about me (at least she did to all our mutual friends) and I still have no idea why because she just stopped speaking to me. If you have told her what your problems with her were and she still refused to change, then I wouldn't contact her because the results would probably be the same. If you cut off a friendship without even trying to resolve your problems I would try again. There is probably a reason you want to be friends again that doesn't have to do with her being "selfish and rude".
emms emms 8 years
This is a very similar situation to going back to an exboyfriend when you haven't had a date in awhile. It seems like a good idea, but then you have to remember you broke up for a reason! Meeting new people is so much fun. Try to get involved in some type of hobby or activity and you will meet loads of new people. Then you will be so glad you didn't rekindle anything with that mean girl.
queenlizzie queenlizzie 8 years
I guess I'm in the minority here, because I would do it. It really comes down to whether you believe people are forever good, forever bad, or neither. I'm in the "neither" category, and I think people can change for the better or worse depending on circumstances. The worst that could happen is you could discover you did the right thing by dumping her before. If you contact her now, you can be in control of your relationship, and YOU get to decide how YOU will be treated. Now that you've learned from your relationship with her in the past, I wouldn't be surprised if she apologized to you and you started a new friendship. I would totally give that a shot.
vmruby vmruby 8 years
Absolutely no.....I think I would rather put up with a non-existant social life then to deal with some bullsh*t bottom feeder who doesn't have a clue as to how to treat a friend.
margokhal margokhal 8 years
NO. I had a "friend" like this. We had a falling out like, 7 years ago. She recently friended me on Facebook. I still don't contact to her. She doesn't talk to me either, which is fine. My social life is currently not optimal, but there is no way in HELL that would drive me to her again. When I said, "I don't ever want to hear or see you again as long as I live", I meant it. There is nothing to be gained by talking to this girl. People come and go in our lives for a reason. Let her go! And take this opportunity to GET SOME NEW FRIENDS. or a new hobby!
brielleblonde brielleblonde 8 years
Marni7 Marni7 8 years
You cant possibly be that desperate for friends that you are thinking of recycling useless people from ur past? no no no dear, owe urself more than that please. thanks.
nina24 nina24 8 years
no! dont do it! i've been there, it will only make you miserable. its a nasty can a worms you just shouldnt open. yes its been 3 years, but people dont change as much as we would like to think.
CYL CYL 8 years
Find a hobby...
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
lol you'd rather have a crappy friendship than a crappy social life? really need to rethink that! :)
skigurl skigurl 8 years
obviously something is missing from this that indicates this 'friend' was at least fun and entertaining or had some redeeming qualities! but just because you're bored, don't bother with her!
geebers geebers 8 years
I would rather not have a "social" life than have bad friends. Don't you like your own company? Go to museums, book clubs, attend events, go shopping, read a book, watch a tv show you want to catch up on, etc etc etc. Seriously.
melizzle melizzle 8 years
No no no.
crackaddict crackaddict 8 years
said8me said8me 8 years
i had a friend like that. trust me, don't go to her. people like that will forever eat away at you, and she'll just end up pissing you off somewhere down the line anyway. go ahead and "block" her on facebook as well, to avoid any internet drama she may send your way. people feel a weird confidence over the web that they can't convey in person. don't even give her the chance!
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 8 years
don't do it... she will be all in you business... that mini feed aint no joke haha.... I wouldnt want to take the time to censor what she could see
Marriage Advice From Married Couples
What Is Emotional Abuse?
Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship
7 Secrets to a Happy Marriage
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds