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You Asked: Should I Come Clean?

Dear Sugar,

I'm not a virgin, but my fiancé thinks I am. When we first started dating, I wasn't ready to have sex with him — my first and only time was extremely traumatic for me — so I lied to him, and have continued to lie to him for over a year now. I know I made a big mistake, and it's been weighing heavily on my conscience. Part of me wants to come clean, but the other part of me doesn't; I'm afraid he'll end things with me. I'm torn and it's eating me up inside. What should I do? — Not a Virgin Virginia

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Not a Virgin Virginia,

While the decision is completely up to you, I advise you to come clean before saying "I do." Entering your marriage with a lie about your virginity will only make you feel worse about this secret you've kept from your soon-to-be husband. I understand you're scared about your fiancé's reaction, but think how much worse it would be if he found out months, or even years, into your marriage.

Keeping such a big secret from the man you love is going to wreak havoc on your mind, body and spirit — if it hasn't already — so trust the old saying that the truth will set you free. Good luck to you.


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