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You Asked: Should I Continue to Pursue Him?

Dear Sugar,

I've known this guy for about three months now and in the beginning of our quasi relationship, he was really sweet and attentive — I could really feel that he liked me. But since then, he's been really hot and cold. One day he acts like he really cares about me, but then the next couple of days he's less responsive and it feels like he's completely lost interest. I've tried talking to him about the way I feel but he just reassures me that nothing is wrong. I don't know if I should let him go or keep trying to make things better. What should my next move be? — Trying to Make it Work Talia

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Trying to Make it Work Talia,

Being in limbo while in a relationship is never a comforting feeling, and since he claims that everything is alright between you two, you're going to have to trust your female intuition on this one. If you don't think he's committed, or even all that interested, you need to decide if what he's able to give you is enough to make you happy, but before making a decision one way or the other, I suggesting having another heart to heart with him.

If he's still not forthcoming with his feelings, and if you continue to feel unsure, I'd say it's time to move on. If he opens up to you and expresses his feelings, give it a little more time — he might just want to take things slow. Whatever you do Talia, make sure you're not selling yourself short.


Join The Conversation
Marci Marci 8 years
Why would you want a guy whose moods are hot and cold? Even if he comes around, that's the guy you're going to get; the hot and cold one.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Look, it could be so easy - when a guy is into you, you won't have any doubt. This guy is not into you. Stop wasting your time, love yourself more, and someday a guy who worships you will drop into your lap (and you'll feel the same!). Trust me.
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
move on now and save yourself heartache. i went through the same thing and was so miserable. he isnt worth your time. if he liked you it would show. and when you have moved on from this loser all that stress will go away.
pippins_halfling pippins_halfling 8 years
It's just a few months in... I think you should leave him - he will only get worse. You can find someone more worthy of you.
sabrinaland sabrinaland 8 years
When a guy likes you, you'll know! Maybe what this guy needs is a kick in the butt, so... if you really like him and feel like investing in this relationship, disappear for a couple of weeks and see if he comes after you. If yes, enjoy! If not, move on knowing you gave it your best shot. There are other guys out there and they all want to meet you!
lindholmka lindholmka 8 years
Haha well I didn't write in this post but I am in a very similar situation. The advice written is making me feel much better after sulking about being home alone before I leave for work. I agree with the comments about playing hard to get. I'm defiantly gonna try that one! Great advice everyone!
KadBunny KadBunny 8 years
I agree with bluebell; it sounds kind of petty but maybe playing hard to get will work. I don't know how available you make yourself to him but some guys are dumb and feel they don't have to try as hard anymore once they realize you're into them. But still, that's not nice. I'd have to agree with ladee 100%. We shouldn't let guys and their obscure behavior consume us so much and just focus on our own lives. If he's not as into you as you are into him then screw that. He'll keep up with you if he really gave a rat's ass. But I don't know; maybe something's bothering him? Maybe he's been tired? Maybe he's insecure? It could be anything. But for the most part he should jump at the opportunity to see you or talk to you. Gahh guys are annoying!
gopg8r gopg8r 8 years
I have to say ... this could have been me a few years ago. And then I met the man I would marry. Ladies, when the guy is CRAZY about you, you don't have to guess how he is feeling! Seriously!!! You will know he likes you b/c he is calling you, e-mailing you, etc. He won't miss an opportunity to ask you out on a date. When it's the right guy, he WILL pursue you. So, if that isn't happening, move on! You will find that special guy out there and you don't need to waste any time, energy or heartache on the idiots who act hot/cold.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
Meh, why waste your time talking again? He obviously hasn't changed his behavior from the first talk, so why would he now? Find a guy who's always running hot.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Stop chasing him. Maybe he has another girl?
sparklepants sparklepants 8 years
guys like that will not change for you. i agree with all the other comments...move on. why would you want to be with someone who behaves like this? he either likes you or he doesn't. it can't be both.
Stella-Stylist Stella-Stylist 8 years
This is what I have noticed about men. Don't talk to him about your feelings too much, they absolutely hate it unless he's a sensitive man. Do not think about him more than you think about yourself. Worry about what it is that you're doing. You're not responsible for him being happy or sad, you're only responsible for yourself. If he's making you miserable, leave now. You can still keep him around if you'd like, but make sure that YOU are living YOUR LIFE not based on what he's doing but what you want to be. This should bring a bit of happiness. I went through this a while ago and I changed the way I dealt with the guy. I stopped talking to him for about a month to get into myself and worry more about me than about him. You should see how he treats me now. He showers me with gifts and loves me unconditionally. I'm telling you, this works. Never act more interested in a man than you are in yourself.
TobascoG TobascoG 8 years
Drop him like a hot coal burning your hands! If he is interested and committed to you, you would not have any doubt about how he feels about you. Continuing to talk to him and to share your feelings of frustration will only make you look desperate and open yourself to being manipulated. If he is not providing you with what you want, keep it moving. Remember YOU control the dynamic of your relationship, NOT HIM!
SeaAre86 SeaAre86 8 years
I was in a situation like this a while back. It turned out that his best friend liked me and pulled the bros before hos deal. For the sake of his friend, he'd act really cold to me but would seem really interested other times. I say save yourself some time and just don't bother. If he's doing this, he isn't worth your time. I appreciated what he was doing for his friend (which I found out a little later) but that just made me happier that I moved on!
ayanaphil ayanaphil 8 years
I've been in this situation recently and I had to just be friends with the guy until he gets his stuff together. I'm not a very needy person, but once you give me a certain amount of attention I expect it to continue on especially if the feelings are as strong as he was claiming. If he can't give you what you're need or what you're looking from, it might be time to move on.
oohsexypenguin oohsexypenguin 8 years
When will girls get it through their heads? Men who genuinely like and care about you do not act "hot and cold." If he's into you, you'll know it. Drop him like a hot potato and find someone else who's worthy of your time.
bluebellknoll bluebellknoll 8 years
Perhaps you should stop persuing him and play a little hard to get.
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