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You Asked: Should I Fight for My Love?

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been going out for more than half a year and
recently we've been arguing over stupid things all the time. He tells me that he thinks that I don't appreciate him as much as I used to in the beginning, and keeps asking me if we should take a break. I'm scared that If we really do end up taking a break that we will end up never getting back together and he might meet someone else which would tear me to pieces. He wants the old feelings to come back (the butterflies in the stomach feelings). We both love each other very much and don't want to hurt the other. He thinks that it's because of the stress from work that is also contributing to the negative emotions going on between us, and I agree. We see each other every week and go on regular dates, but end up getting in some kind of argument over nothing. What do you think is the best solution for this?

--Is it Over Omalee

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Is it Over Omalee--

Since you love each other so much and both want to try and make it work, then I think you should do all you possibly can to make that happen. Taking a break won't really fix your relationship. It'll probably just make you miss each other, and want to get back together. Then when you do, you'll continue bickering and having your little fights. What you need to do is get to the bottom of why you're fighting in the first place.

It doesn't sound like a lack of love between you is the problem here, but rather how you are expressing that love. Since the newness of your relationship has worn off, you've got to work extra hard to keep the passion, respect, and appreciation going. You both must go out of your way to show the other that you care.

You also mentioned that stress from work may be contributing to you not getting along. If that's the case, work on ways to de-stress from your job without letting it affect how you treat each other. Also, be honest and talk about what other factors may be affecting your relationship. As long as you both keep the lines of communication open and are willing to put all your effort to making it work, you absolutely have a fighting chance -- in other words, don't give up on love without putting up a fight. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 8 years
Xeunyce, glad to hear it. If you made it that long you'll both be fine.
xeunyce xeunyce 9 years
Hey everyone~ i followed some of your advices! My BF and i never went on a break but instead talked things out on what was the root cause of the problem and now we're still together and just celebrated our 14 months the past weekend! Thank you all so much!! =)
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 9 years
I agree with reese05 I believe that love is a very precious thing to have with someone. If me and my man were having problems there would be no doubt that I wouldn't fight for him. I will tell you we have had problems but we fought through them together, they weren't big problems but he felt that with him doing some things that it would get me hurt but we talked about it and we are doing fine now, we are both still madly ing love. SO FIGHT FOR YOU MAN GIRL, TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL! hope I helped good luck.
Jeng112 Jeng112 9 years
There is a book called The Five Love Languages. It talks about how to communicate your love in a way that your partner really understands. The truth is that butterflies in the stomach feeling has to go away. How else would we ever get anything done if we were as obsessed as we are when we first fall in love!? We fall in love over and over again, and you're just in a new stage. Try to recreate some of those moments that helped you fall in love. Try to remember why you thought he was so great in the first place. Get excited about who you are with all over again. If he is feeling unappreciated, then show him that you do. Simple!
rlveronica rlveronica 9 years
Okay, I know this is REALLY late, but this has happened between me and my boyfriend and let's be real, this will happen again as long as we stay together, but we have definitely worked hard to keep our relationship fresh. I totally agree with Dear! :)
stillponderingreality stillponderingreality 9 years
the way someone makes you feel about yourself often times defines who you are to that person... might i suggest that you try to compliment each other.. on real stuff, of course... if you think he is adorable when he walks around in his boxers, and slippers.. tell him! and encourage him to do the same thing. there is a book that i made my guy read, (how to win friends and influence others) 2 months after we were together. actually i told him that if he didn't, i was gone... see ya. that was almost 19 years ago. the title is decieving, it actually how to communicate, i gave a copy to each of my kids when each was in their teens!
mr-respectful mr-respectful 9 years
wow this sounds exactly the way i feel about my girlfriend, personally from me all i want from her is for her to show her that she lover me more than she shows me now
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
I agree with DearSugar. It sounds like you guys fell into a rut. Of course your relationship won't be like it was when you first got together, full of excitement, passion, etc. But after all that kinda slows down, hopefully you are left with honesty, compassion, trust, etc. If your guy is looking to go back to that feeling you both had when you first got together, he needs to realize you both need to put in an effort to bring back that spark. You can’t just bicker about every little thing, it will only lead to a very serious breakup. My advice is to take a little break. Set some ground rules first – aka no dating anyone else. Take a breather – you will see that distance makes the heart grow fonder, maybe that will help spark a fresh new outlook on your relationship.
licia licia 9 years
When my ex asked me if I'd ever thought about us taking a break from our (then 5 yr - long distance) relationship I freaked out, and he ended up cheating on me for the next two years because he was too cowardly to initiate the break up. I know not all relationships are alike, but if you can't work out your problems and he still wants to take a break just do it. Even though it hurts, it will save you a ton of heartache in the end. The break might even bring you closer together in the end, you never know. You just need to sit down and talk - find out what both of you really want.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
not to burst your bubble here xeunyce, but this certainly doesn't sound like a situation that could be resolved in less that 8 hours. don't be surprised if the same issues come up again. butterflys in the stomach are usually for new relationships, the excitement and uncertainity of what is to come. once you settle in for the long haul this calms down, which most people appreciate as a more stable and comfortable feeling, deeper intimacy is created. love alone isn't enough to make a relationship work. it's a complicated world out there and that impacts our relationships and requires sacrifice and acceptance in many areas to keep things going.
Pink81406 Pink81406 9 years
I don't think he actually wants a break, I think he wants your reassurance that you don't want a break. My boyfriend and I went through something simalar when all the giddy feelings wore off. They don't have to, but he feels like your relationship has reached a plataue then try doing something new. You shouldn't have to lose those happy giddy feelings you get when you see each other. Your relationship isn't over it just needs spruced up a bit. Also you really should learn to pick your battles with one another. Most things aren't worth worrying about, just talk about them instead of fighting. I found writing notes, but not giving them, when something bothers me. When you read it over see if it is actually worth talking about.
City-Love City-Love 9 years
fight for it if you truly love him. I took a break with the man I loved and now its over. I wish I would have fought harder for us. 6 months later I still miss him like crazy. Just do something special for him. Maybe give him his space a little so the times you do spend are more meaningful. Its easy to take the people you love for granted.
intensebandgeek intensebandgeek 9 years
I think DearSugar said it the best. Good luck!
xeunyce xeunyce 9 years
Thanks for all the advice :) i appresciate it. Well, i followed Sugar's advice and i fought for my relationship. We talked about the problems and how we could avoid them and now we are stronger and love each other more than before. i just hope it stays the same way for a very long time!!
milkenpoo milkenpoo 9 years
I definitely think you should take a break as well. Forcing the relationship to get better is just going to add more stress to the situation and may just be covering up what the real problems are underneath.
windynini windynini 9 years
Oh my God, I just went through something like this. We took the break and what followed it? The break-up. My advice is to appreciate yourself first, really think about yourself first and if you feel like you have to fight for your love because you trully believe you have a chance then go ahead, but don't fool yourself. Be truthful, even if it hurts.
reese05 reese05 9 years
It's sad when this happens but you really have to fight for your love especially when you fell that it's worth it!
paulinhadrp paulinhadrp 9 years
I agree with vanyvrgs. If what he wants is a break, don't stop him. But make sure you tell him he is risking loosing you.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
If he asking you whether you think you two should take a break or is he saying I think we should take a break, what do you think? Very different. You should tell him that you do not want a break but if wants one you will respect him. I know it sounds like a hallmark card but set him free if that is what he wants. He may or may not want you back, but why would you want to be with someone that may not be all there for you or is insecure about the relationship.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
take a break. this sounds miserable as is. and i wouldn't worry about him finding someone else; you might just find someone yourself. for some reason women always think they will never find anyone else and men always think there is a super model waiting to ravage them. let him go hunting and see what he comes up with. i notice these posts always include how much everybod loves each other, as if thazt excuses shabby/rude behavior. start expecteing to be treated kindly.
junebrug junebrug 9 years
One of those rare occurrences when I have to disagree with Sugar. I think if your boyfriend is asking to take a break, that's about as bad as it can get. He's trying to have you agree to breaking up, so he doesn't look like an asshole. Sure, things change in a relationship. Those constant butterflies don't stick around forever, but they are replaced with other feelings. There are people though who really just want the experience of being with someone new. They're not bad people, but they are people who need to play the field, not get into a relationship, and wind up hurting the other person. I don't know enough to say whether your boyfriend is like that or not. There's no reason you shouldn't fight for love, but if it's already at this point, it sounds like the fight is over. Taking a break may make him miss you and want to get back together, or it may make him realize he really just wanted to be single again. I'm sorry I can't be more reassuring. If it were me, I'd take the break, get out there and look for someone new. You may get back together and you may not.
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