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You Asked: Should I Give Up Already?

Dear Sugar,

I met a new girl through my job — she orders supplies through our company. Initially she did all of the flirting, asked specifically for me every time she came in, and even mentioned that she could tell I had been
working out. The last time she was in the office, I asked her for her number, and she immediately gave it to me and asked me for mine. After about three days, I finally decided to call her; her phone was off at the time so I was forced to leave a message. Two days passed and she still hadn't called back, so I called again and left another message. Another two days passed, and again there was no response. I called one final time and her phone was disconnected.

Three weeks passed, and I had accepted that she really wasn't into me, but then she called my job looking for a particular item again. She told me the reason she never called was because she lost her phone and she had just gotten her replacement. I got her new number and called her later that night. She answered and told me that she was hanging out with her friends, and she would have to call me back. Two days passed, and I called her again. This time she was at a birthday party and she couldn't talk. About a week ago, I called one last time, but she couldn't talk because she was busy.

I'm so confused because she seemed so into me every time she came into the store, but as soon as I started pursuing things, she started acting strange. I want to know what changed, and I'm tempted to ask her if she ever comes in again. Why would she suddenly act differently? Should I forget about her and move on?

— Persistent Paul

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Persistent Paul,

While it does certainly sound like this woman was giving you some mixed signals at the beginning, I think now it's safe to say that she's made her intentions, or lack thereof, pretty clear. The truth of the matter is that if she wanted to pursue a relationship with you, at the very least, she would return your phone calls, and in all likelihood, even stop what she's doing to spend a few minutes talking with you.

As to why she happily handed over her number and asked for yours in return if she didn't intend on following through, I can't say for sure. It's very possible that she thought you were cute and enjoyed flirting but didn't want a relationship. Or she might have met someone else. Either way, I'm sure you can find someone much more eager to be with you. Keep in mind that a good indicator of interest is a returned phone call; if someone can take the time to call you back, they obviously want to take a few minutes more to get to know you better.


Join The Conversation
indo indo 9 years
I think she was playing games and having fun with it.
Martini-Rossi Martini-Rossi 9 years
shes simply not that into you. Move on, there's many more fish (and other water animals) in the sea.
Stacee Stacee 9 years
I completely agree with the previous posts. You can find someone who is not into playing games. Sorry.
rpenner rpenner 9 years
I'm going to agree with the other posters and say that she probably just enjoyed flirting with you and perhaps was playing you a little. But clearly none of us are her and we can't tell you the exact reason. With the chance of sounding like a b*tch, I will say that I have kind of done this sort of thing before. I enjoyed the flirty relationship I had with the dude but I was in no way interested in having any kind of a relationship with him. Sorry dude!
bellaressa bellaressa 9 years
lol@ minaminamina
ElizabethRae ElizabethRae 9 years
She sounds like a bitch. Maybe she is playing games, maybe she's not into you. Either way, you deserve better.
Cycy Cycy 9 years
Maybe she just likes to be chased before yielding? Many guys do this. If you really like her and enjoy the thrill of the chase (like they say men do) give it a few more tries and if the situation persists, give up. But if you, on the other hand are not into such games, be upfront with her next time you talk to her or see her.
aoitenshi aoitenshi 9 years
She's just not into you. That's it.
sunkissbabe sunkissbabe 9 years
I think she was leading you on, which is horrible because you definitely made the effort to get to know her. Maybe she liked you to a degree and changed her mind or maybe something else is up - like a boyfriend, not interested or just got out of a bad relationship. Anyways, who knows. You should definitely move on because you deserve wayyy better.
nicachica nicachica 9 years
i don't think you did anything wrong with calling and then backing off and then repeating the cycle but the posters above are right - she's playing you and you need to let this one go. you sound like a decent guy so find yourself a better girl that will actually take your calls!
cvandoorn cvandoorn 9 years
Maybe she already has a boyfriend and she's just a flirt. Or sometimes what us girls perceive as us being nice, can be seen by a guy as flirtation. Sorry man!
Marci Marci 9 years
She's had plenty of time and opportunity to call you, so I'd say she likes the flirting and your attention, and that's it. Forget about her, and don't get caught up in her little game, which I believe she'll try to continue to play next time she needs to purchase something. Be friendly but don't take it any further anymore.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
She's yanking your chain, most likely. Move on. Oh if she's coming up with some more bogus excuses when she needs you at the store and actually has the gall to actually accuse you for not being interested. Slip her your number and don't expect any calls though. :p
minaminamina minaminamina 9 years
On a side note, brotha in the photograph is lookin ok to me!
sass317 sass317 9 years
Sounds like she is just after the attention- I think there is a good chance if you ignore her she will come around again and act interested (but that doesnt mean you should think she is serious THIS time) I had a sorority sister like that- a good guy friend of mine liked her- she flirted and he was sincerely interested- so he would go after her and she would stop answering his calls. so he gives up- then she pops up again, flirts and gets him interested again and then when he shows interest, she disappears again. I told him a million times he was too good for her (sorority sister or not, he was my friend first and a really nice guy) but it took several times of this back and forth crap before he finally realized she was messing with him and just wanted attention. If she really wanted any kind of relationship (yall havent even been on a date!) then she would MAKE the time to talk to you- I think she is yanking your chain. Sorry hun, Im sure you are a very nice guy- you deserve someone better.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
she is either a) flirting and wanted it to stay at that b)likes to play games/thrill of the hunt. i'm not trying to take her side because she has a vagina, but when i was reading the post, you said you first called her 3 days AFTER she gave you her number. and i thought "oh, he's one of THOSE guys". so maybe you sent that signal that you might just be playing too. who knows with people who like to play games . . . c) she's actually busy, and her life comes before some guy that flirts when making orders for Post-its. i'm kinda shocked at how persistent you were. guy or girl, don't be thirsty like that for another person. you call, and left a message. if they don't hit you back,then you know what it is. you chasing a person down like that sounds like a chump. don't be a chump for some donkey.
Merlin713 Merlin713 9 years
Move on. She was playing games and having fun with it.
missceego0711 missceego0711 9 years
Move on. She was just playing you. There are better girls out there for you who would enjoy your calls and you.
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
Well said LoveLearnHappy. :)
LoveLearnHappy LoveLearnHappy 9 years
As awful as it may sound, sometimes girls flirt just because it's fun, not because we're interested. When you asked for her number she was probably being nice by giving it to you. The fact that she hasn't returned your calls or attempted to make time to talk when you called says that she isn't interested in pursuing anything. Don't ask her about it. Don't call her again. Chances are by continuing calling her or making an issue out of it, you will end up looking creepy and creating an awkward situation. Find someone who is just as excited about you as you are about her.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree -- that girl just likes the attention. She's not really interested in you.
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
Why did you continue to call after she didn't return it the first time?! That would be a clear indicator that she just there for attention. She was leading you on!
Femme-Fatale Femme-Fatale 9 years
She was playing mind games... As simple as that!
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
She's not that into you! Move on and don't be surprised when she starts flirting and coming on to you after you drop her like a ton of bricks.
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