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You Asked: Should I Move or Wait for Him?

Dear Sugar,
I have been dating my boyfriend for three months. He is 21 and I am 24. I recently graduated and it has always been my intention to move out of state after I completed school but now I feel very confused about my dreams for the future. My boyfriend still has a year left in college. When we started dating I told myself it would be "just a casual" thing but the more time we spend together the more and more I care for him and the harder the idea of a long distance relationship seems. I still really would like to move but I don't want to pressure him into moving somewhere that he is not crazy about. What should I do? Should I sacrifice my original plans and form new ones or should I do what I want and hope he is along for the ride? — Stuck Sally

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Stuck Sally,

Since your boyfriend has another year of school left, could you move out of state while he is finishing his senior year? Long distance relationships aren't ideal, but they can work, especially when there is an end in sight. Have you asked your boyfriend if he would be willing to move with you after graduation?

Just because you have only been dating a short amount of time, you can't deny a real connection with someone, so if you feel in your gut that this is something special, try to compromise with your boyfriend. You wouldn't put your dreams on the back burner while he finished his commitments either, but at the same time, you don't want to give up on love. This is a question only you can answer Sally so be open with your boyfriend, weigh all your options, and trust your gut instincts. Good luck to you!


Join The Conversation
tralala2 tralala2 9 years
You're still young, and you'll regret not following your own personal dreams. Love comes and goes, if it's meant to be, your relationship with him will work itself out. When I was 21 I had hopes and dreams of moving to Europe and living there, but I had a serious boyfriend. I ended up moving there anyway from Michigan, 6 months later he followed suit. Even though now we are not together anymore, I am still in Europe, and we are still close friends. I couldn't imagine if I hadn't done what was possible in my dreams.
NdHebert NdHebert 9 years
DO WHAT YOU WANT. Come back in a year when he graduates and see if yall are still on the same page. Don't let a man that you have only known a QUARTER of a year hold you back. If yall are meant to be, it will work out. Maybe you wont like where to move to and you will come back and be his happily ever after. But push your dreams to the side for a guy. You only live once, and you cant move around the country when you have a settled job, kids, etc. Do it now while you are young and can.
Beauty Beauty 9 years
It sounds like you really want to move and start your life. So do it! There's no reason you can't keep him in your life, but it would be a shame if you put your own dreams aside while you're so young. Take it from Bella, who once moved 800 miles to be with her college boyfriend—only to break up almost immediately. You've gotta do what makes you feel fulfilled. If your connection is strong, you'll be able to make it work! Good luck!
Eternity Eternity 9 years
What is really the rush to move? If there is not a job opportunity or something else pulling you, I think you should just go with the flow, and the flow seems to be your relationship. Its only a year, and once you get older you will realize how short that really is. You have plenty of time to launch out into the world. See where love takes you first, the adventure will be a lot fuller with him by your side.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
Exactly what cubadog said. Good luck!
cubadog cubadog 9 years
You need to stick with your plans and if your boyfriend is still your boyfriend next year when he graduates than he can join you. I would not give up a dream for a relationship that has only been 3 months.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Don't be so eager to put your plans on hold for a relationship. Follow through with your plans and move.
nikkie45 nikkie45 9 years
long distance relationships aren't that bad. you should try it rather than give up everything for a 3 month old relationship.
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
I say move.
DCRoamer DCRoamer 9 years
At your ages and a pretty new relationship, I think you should follow your plan and move away. It could always work out in the end and long distance relationships are do-able for a short time. If after a year you miss him terribly, then you can both make compromises to be together. But don't compromise your future just yet.
fashionhore fashionhore 9 years
I would not sacrafice my dreams for a 3-month old relationship, especially at the age we are and the situaions we are in. You are in a place where you can follow your dreams and not worrying about really hurting someone or having someone hold you back. This is the time to do those things. Plus, I agree with what dh931 said that you have no clue if you are going to have to make this decision in a year when he graduates. What then? I say, move away and if it is meant to be, you will be together and he will make the move. Hope everything works out!
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 9 years
you've only been dating 3 months. how can you already consider him moving in, or you moving in with him?? I dated my ex for three months. turns out I BARELY knew him, and two years later we started dating again. I've learned a whole lot more about him this time around, but i wouldn't move in with him for a long while, and we've been going out 7 months now, after those two years.
MamaD MamaD 9 years
You haven't said what his plans are for after his own graduation! Could you possibly be sacrificing your own dreams now and then a year from now doing it all over again? I don't know if a 3 month relationship is worth changing your life over.I think the thing to do is go ahead with your plans and he'll go ahead with his senior year. If you're really meant to be with this person I think you'll find a way to be together.Taking a year away from each other will either make you as a couple or break you. You worked hard in college and now deserve to reap the rewards of that hard work by getting on with your career. He on the other hand may not feel that way until he graduates. Opportunities should be seized when they are presented to you. Don't fall into a trap of making unnecessary sacrifices.
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Make a compromise! I was in the same place-- had been dating my bf for three months and had to leave to start grad school across the country. I know it sucks, but DON'T put your dreams on hold.... you can't replace an education. We did long-distance for 6-7 months, then he moved up here. It was actually GREAT for our relationship-- we talked on iChat video 4-5 times a day. It CAN work.... you'll always regret not going, but if your boyfriend really cares about you he'll be willing to compromise.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
This same thing happened to me. I stayed with my boyfriend and stayed in the area after graduation as well. Things were great but there was always this little creature nagging at me that I never got to strike out after school and do my own thing. That little voice never shut up, and I ended up moving states about 3 years into our relationship. Best decision I ever made, but I lost the boyfriend in the process. Ultimately, I don't regret my decision. But I regret that I hurt him more than I probably needed to. Good luck with your decision.
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